


Finding Our Way Home-- Aftermath of Captain America:  The Winter Soldier

by mage_girl



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: ASL for the win, Bucky Barnes Feels, Deaf Clint Barton, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Hydra is chicken and chicken is delicious, M/M, Multi, No knitted objects were harmed in this fic, Poly relationships for the win, Sam Wilson is awesome, Slow Build, lots of talking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-02
Updated: 2014-12-17
Packaged: 2018-02-15 20:05:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 50,637
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2241720
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mage_girl/pseuds/mage_girl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Steve and Sam find Bucky, it's just the beginning of helping him find himself.</p><p>In which the Avengers all have a part in helping Bucky get used to the 21st Century. </p><p>Bucky takes his sweet time getting accustomed to things and that's all right. Tea is involved. So is knitting. The breaking of Wii remotes. Conversations in ASL. </p><p>Thor likes to make bets so don't bet against Thor. </p><p>Bruce is an awesome boss.</p><p>And poly relationships where people talk about things is pretty cool, too.</p><p>Welcome to the new world, Bucky... you and Steve are gonna find your way home.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Finding Bucky

**Author's Note:**

> This is a 12 Chapter Fic that was a lot of fun to write.
> 
> I thank my wonderful beta, Librariandrew for his lovely beta work and cheer leading every step of the way.
> 
> There will probably be a couple "extended scenes" fic in this universe because I can't let this go.
> 
> I'll post a chapter a week, and then the extended fics after that.
> 
> Just as an FYI, the diner Sam and Steve find with Bucky really exists. It's a half a block down where Steve's apartment used to be. The food looks really delicious, too!

_Bucky took his time, walking from picture to picture, reading all the words. He sat on the hard bench and watched the film, watched Peggy talk about Steve. He stared at the picture of himself, at the words written about him. This… this was who he was? A thousand fragments slid in his head, blurred images slicing to ribbons in his mind. He felt panicky, felt like he was slowly being frozen again. He ducked his head and walked out of the exhibit. He needed to go home._

 

Steve leaned back, fatigue warring with hope. He’d been back to his apartment once since Fury visited. The glass still had two bullet holes through it, splintered pieces arrayed on his wooden floor. 

The blood stains were still there, too. They’d seeped into the wood and had stained it a dark brown in places. It was the scene of a crime, not his home, not anymore.

Steve packed up a hasty duffle bag of clothes, carefully put some photos in a suitcase along with some other personal things, and shut the door to his apartment. 

Sam was waiting outside, leaning against the opposite wall with practiced ease. ‘Do you want to go to Stark’s fancy digs or would you like to come back to my place?’

‘If you don’t mind, I’d rather come over there right now. Tony’s in Malibu with Pepper right now, Thor is… somewhere, and Bruce is busy with some sort of science thing. I’d rather not be by myself right now,’ admitted Steve, rubbing the back of his neck.

‘That’s all right. Have you heard from Natasha?’ asked Sam as they opened the door to the stairway and clattered down the stairs.

‘Yeah. She’s going to find where Hawkeye is. She’s a little concerned he might have gotten in the middle of things,’ answered Steve. 

He exchanged a grim look with Sam; they both knew that not everyone was aware of SHIELD’s duplicity. 

‘I hope he’s OK,’ offered Sam, who hadn’t met Clint but had heard about him from Steve the past couple of days.

‘If Natasha can’t hunt him down, nobody can. She knows where he was so she’ll get a hold of him. She’ll contact us once they get back into town,’ said Steve, reassurance in his voice.

‘All right,’ answered Sam. He held the door open for Steve and popped the trunk open with the keyless entry fob. 

Steve set his things in the trunk, shut the lid down, and got into the passenger seat of Sam’s car. He stared out the window as Sam drove away, wondering if Bucky was still in the area or if he’d moved on.

**

Steve got out of bed and walked into the kitchen, smelling coffee brewing. He got a cup off the wooden coffee tree and sat at the kitchen table, the soft light filtering through the blinds waking him up.

Sam came into the kitchen, poured himself a cup of coffee, and walked over to join Steve. He looked down at Steve’s coffee cup and snickered.

‘What? Did I do it _again?_ ’ asked Steve, humour and exasperation in his tone.

‘Yeah, man. This getting old must be hell. You forget to put coffee in your cup all the time or are you used to Stark hogging it all?’ asked Sam.

Steve smiled. ‘Tony is possessive of his coffee. But there’s usually enough to share. I was just thinking we should get going. I think I know where Bucky is.’

‘Where?’ asked Sam, bringing over the coffee pot and pouring coffee into Steve’s cup. 

‘If he’s going to try and figure things out, he’s going to go back to where it all began. That’s what I’d do and that’s what he’ll do. He’s headed back to New York,’ said Steve, nodding his head.

Sam thought about it for a moment. ‘Makes sense to me. When are we going?’

‘We?’ asked Steve. ‘What do you mean?’

‘It means I have some time off and I know this is important to you. And, like we talked about, I’m going to come with and help you out. I know guys like him, Steve. I’m one of them,’ said Sam, his voice steady, his eyes on Steve.

Steve smiled. ‘I know...so am I, Sam. Thank you,’ he said, simply.

Sam shrugged. ‘Well, I’m just doing my duty as an American citizen. Helping the elderly and all that.’

Steve snorted. ‘Your patriotism is noted, Wilson.’

**

Sam and Steve decided to take Sam’s car. Steve loved to ride his motorcycle. He claimed it cleared his head and calmed him. Sam thought that was great but pointed out they needed room for Bucky. Steve didn’t have a side car attached to his motorcycle so that was out. Instead, they hitched a trailer to the back of Sam’s car and hauled Steve’s motorcycle along.

It was a little over four hours to get to New York City from Washington, DC if traffic was light. Sam drove while Steve looked in the rearview mirror from time to time.

‘Relax, your bike is tied down tight. We double checked everything before we took off,’ said Sam.

‘I know. Just… like to look at it from time to time. It was the first thing I bought when I was done with all that Avengers mess,’ said Steve.

‘Oh? You mean to tell me you went around in clothes from SHIELD’s lost and found?’ teased Sam.

Steve winced a little and then laughed. SHIELD was still a sore subject for him and it was a sign of progress he could laugh at Sam’s jokes.

‘No… I went and bought clothes but this was my first _big_ purchase. I didn’t want a car. I wanted a motorcycle. It felt right,’ said Steve, glancing back again.

‘And no helmet,’ tsked Sam.

‘I know. I better get one. I don’t want kids thinking they can be on a motorcycle without a helmet because Captain America doesn’t wear one. I just haven’t found one I liked. Tony wants to make me one, anyway. When he gets back from Malibu, he said he’d get one designed for me,’ replied Steve.

‘That makes sense. Anything Stark designs, I’d use. He saved Fury’s life with that car,’ commented Sam.

‘I know. I’d like to see the look on Nick’s face when Tony crows about his technology and how he saved Nick’s life. I have the feeling Nick’s bracing himself for that particular conversation,’ laughed Steve.

Sam chuckled as he maneuvered through the midday traffic and entered into the stream of traffic going into Brooklyn. 

‘Do you think he’s there?’ asked Sam.

‘Yeah. I think so. If I were running to ground, I’d go somewhere safe and familiar and that’s where we’d go… Bucky would come over to my place a lot because my mom was always working. I was so sick when I was a kid. And he wanted to make sure I was OK. He would make us sandwiches to eat. He always was there for me,’ said Steve, quietly. He looked down, twisting his fingers together.

‘I was wrong,’ said Sam, suddenly.

Steve looked over at him. ‘What are you talking about?’ he asked.

‘When I told you he didn’t know you. When I said… there was nothing left to remember. I was wrong. I’m sorry, Steve. He knew you, didn’t he? That’s why he saved you. That’s why he made sure you were safe before walking away,’ said Sam, his knuckles white on the steering wheel.

Steve touched his hands, gently. ‘It’s OK. You weren’t there with us, Sam. I was this little thing, you know? A mouthy kid without the muscles to back up the mouth. Buck was always there, shoving the bullies aside, fighting my fights. He never walked away. Not once. I wish you knew him, then.’

‘He sounds like a true friend,’ said Sam. His hands had loosened up and he was able to spare a slight grin.

‘He was. He needs me, Sam. He needs time and he needs a safe place to put himself back together.’ Steve laughed, a harsh sound.

‘Aren’t we the pair now? Both frozen in time, both genetically altered. Sure have lots more in common. What can we talk about, though? Death, killing, the lies we believed? I wouldn’t know where to begin,’ murmured Steve.

‘So start somewhere small. Talk about the internet. Talk about memes. Tell him all about the movies he’s missed and the books he’ll want to read. Remind him there’s good out there, still. And that you’re going to be at his side, every step of the way,’ suggested Sam, his voice gentle.

Steve nodded. ‘Thanks. You’re a hell of a man, Wilson.’

‘Just remember that when you’re writing your big autobiography of Captain America. Sam Wilson, the Falcon, a hell of a man. Put that in there in big, bold letters,’ said Sam with a laugh.

Steve laughed, too. ‘You never know,’ he replied.

**

Steve saw him first. He recognized the way Bucky stood, that certain tilt to his hips. He swallowed hard and could feel his heart racing. He touched Sam’s arm, got his attention, and pointed with a nod of his head towards the man who was studying the building in front of him.

The tenements had been torn down long ago. Now, in its place, was a modern structure that advertised ‘History in the Making’ and offered loft condos for sale. Steve was pretty sure they cost more than he’d ever hoped to see growing up as a kid in Brooklyn. 

There was a sushi restaurant right next to the modern structure. The only thing that was familiar was the big church across the way. St Ann’s and the Holy Trinity Church was still standing. Steve figured that church would be there for generations to come. It was an institution in his neighborhood, a place of refuge and kindness during hard times.

Bucky had on a dark baseball cap, jeans, and a leather jacket that hid his steel arm. There was a slight glint of metal where his hand was tucked into the side pocket but that was all. He turned his head slightly and Steve could see one dark blue eye and a mouth that was turned down at the corners.

Before thinking too much longer, he loped across the street and stood beside Bucky, glancing up at the sign and sighing.

‘This isn’t Kansas anymore,’ he murmured, knowing Bucky would get that reference.

Bucky stiffened but didn’t move away nor did he try and attack Steve. That was encouraging. He remained silent, however, and Steve was unsure how to proceed.

Sam walked over to stand next to Steve so Bucky wouldn’t feel boxed in; Steve could appreciate the strategy.

‘I don’t know about you two but this wasn’t exactly what I was promised on the grand tour,’ he muttered, gesturing to the building.

‘What… what were you expecting?’ asked Bucky, his voice strained.

‘Well, let’s see. Rogers here said he’d show me the place ya’ll hung out. This ain’t it. He said something about the Brooklyn Dodgers and then said to forget that idea. So that’s not happening. I don’t know what’s next on his golden oldie’s remixes but I want my money back,’ replied Sam with a cheeky wink.

Bucky stared at him, his face blank and his eyes calculating. He studied Sam for a long moment, the fingers of his steel arm flexing.

‘You’re talking to a Brooklyn punk, you ought to have known better,’ he said, finally. He turned to Steve and stared at him.

Steve glanced at Sam for a moment, then met Bucky’s blue eyed gaze. 

‘Have you eaten?’ he asked, smiling when Bucky let out a rusty laugh.

‘Of course. I should have known we’d be talking about food. I ate last night,’ answered Bucky.

‘No breakfast this morning?’ asked Steve.

‘Nope,’ replied Bucky, not elaborating.

‘Let’s see if we can find a diner where they give senior specials so I can buy you two something to eat on the cheap,’ said Sam, gently. He nudged Steve with his elbow.

‘Yeah… that sounds good. Let’s take a walk down the block. There’s some places around here we could check out,’ suggested Steve. ‘Are you OK with that, Bucky? Do you want to get a little something?’

Bucky gazed at Steve again, that cool, calculating look on his face. He shrugged, expressionless.

‘Well, I’m starving. And I know Sam only drank some coffee this morning so he’s got to be hungry. Maybe you’ll work up an appetite,’ coaxed Steve.

‘I figure you both could eat my weight in pancakes,’ added Sam. ‘I’d be happy to be proven wrong. I imagine you could eat a few.’

Bucky nodded.

Sam walked down the block, reading the signs aloud.

Steve waited until Bucky turned to follow and then walked alongside him, careful to keep plenty of distance between them. It hurt he had to walk so far away from him; Steve had never been further than a foot away from Bucky. He understood that was then and this was now. Sometimes, Steve really hated now.

Sam paused before a small sign in front of a brownstone building. ‘’Happy Days Diner,’’ he read aloud, a grin on his face. ‘This looks like your guys’ speed. You game on checking it out?’

Steve looked at the front of the little restaurant. The dark brown canopy overhead had ‘Breakfast, Lunch, Dinner’ across it. There was a stand alone sign that had the menu on it. The smells coming from inside wafted out towards the men.

Steve took an appreciative sniff. ‘I smell butter and bacon and french fries,’ he said with a grin.

‘I smell calories, death by overeating, and poor choices but I don’t think I care,’ put in Sam.

‘It smells good,’ said Bucky, nodding his head.

‘All right. Let’s give it a try?’ asked Steve. ‘Buck?’

Bucky flinched. ‘I… Steve?’ he whispered, looking at Steve with anguished eyes.

‘Buck… it’s me. Steve. Yeah… I’m here. I’m not going to leave you. I’m right here,’ whispered Steve, tentatively touching Bucky’s arm, feeling it flex beneath his hand.

‘Steve… I’m hungry,’ said Bucky, plaintively.

‘All right. We’re going to get something to eat, OK? Sam here wants to see us eat our weight in pancakes. Think you’re up for the challenge?’ asked Steve.

A small smile crossed Bucky’s face, his lips turning up just enough. ‘I think so,’ he replied.

He stepped back from Steve’s hand, though, and his face became expressionless again, the glimpse of Bucky that Steve knew was submerged.

Sam laid a comforting hand on Steve’s arm. ‘Time,’ he reminded Steve, gently.

Steve wiped at his eyes and nodded, one quick jerk of his head. He walked ahead, opening the door of the diner and closing it gently behind him.

Sam nodded at Bucky. ‘Let’s go test those pancakes out.’

Bucky regarded him thoughtfully before nodding back. He followed Steve into the diner, holding the door for Sam.

Sam took a deep breath and followed.

The diner was small but clean, tables and seats wiped down. They followed the hostess to a booth near the back. Sam slid in and Steve sat next to him. Bucky sat against the wall with a clear sightline to the door. 

The waitress came over with menus and glasses of water. She smiled at them and asked if they’d like anything to drink.

Steve looked at the menu. ‘I’d like an orange juice, please,’ he said.

Sam glanced at his. ‘You sure you don’t want a prune juice?’ he teased.

Steve and Bucky both snorted in unison.

‘What? Just looking out for your health and all,’ added Sam with a grin.

‘I’ll have a coffee. Black,’ requested Bucky.

‘Make that two,’ requested Sam. 

‘All right. I’ll be back with your drinks and to take the rest of your order,’ said the waitress.

‘They have pancakes,’ pointed out Steve.

‘Yeah. They also have omelets. Look at those omelets,’ breathed Sam, reading the descriptions under his breath.

‘Buck… they have waffles and they have hamburgers,’ suggested Steve, perusing the menu.

Bucky nodded. ‘They have hot open sandwiches. I’m going to have the roast beef one with all the fixings,’ he said with a grin.

‘That looks pretty good. Hey! They have turkey ones,’ exclaimed Steve.

‘Wait… after all this talk about all you can eat pancakes, you two are going with the hot sandwiches?’ asked Sam.

‘Well, the pancakes aren’t all you can eat,’ pointed out Steve. ‘And Bucky and I used to treat ourselves to hot open sandwiches when we were flush with cash. Which wasn’t very often,’ he added.

‘Nope. But every now and then, we’d get lucky and we’d share a plate,’ remembered Bucky. ‘Half a sandwich for each and we’d split the mashed potatoes and fight over the gravy.’

Steve smiled. ‘Yeah. And you’d still sneak extra onto my plate. Said you were full.’

‘I was!’ protested Bucky, indignantly.

‘Yeah. Full of it,’ snickered Steve.

Sam watched as the two men smiled at each other, the memory of sharing a rare hot dinner out driving back other memories.

‘OK, so you two geezers are going to be really happy as I can afford to buy you each your own hot open sandwiches. Roast beef for Bucky and you want the turkey one?’ asked Sam.

‘Yes, please,’ said Steve.

Bucky nodded, looking over the menu some more.

‘Hey… Buck...you think you’ll have room for dessert?’ asked Steve.

‘I always have room for dessert,’ retorted Bucky. ‘Hey! They have pie. Look, I could order some apple pie or cherry or blueberry.’

‘They have ice cream, too. We could maybe get pie a la mode, if big spender says it’s all right,’ teased Steve.

‘I’m always down for dessert. Pie a la mode sounds great,’ answered Sam. ‘Might even get some of those homemade chocolate chip cookies for the road.’

Their waitress came back before Steve can say anything about what they’re going to do after they eat. She took their orders, filled their water glasses, and topped off Sam’s and Bucky’s coffee. After she walked away, Steve slumped in his seat.

‘What?’ asked Bucky.

‘Come back with us,’ said Steve, bluntly. ‘I’m staying with Sam now but I think we’re going to end up moving somewhere else for a little while. Someplace more secure and where we don’t have to worry about Hydra agents.’

‘We are?’ asked Sam. ‘This is news to me, Rogers.’

Steve sighed. ‘I’ve been meaning to talk to you about this. Natasha’s been intercepting orders. You and I are not meant to have a happy home life. There’s been at least six assassinations assigned and two near misses.’

‘How come I didn’t hear about this?’ asked Sam and both Steve and Bucky could hear the anger deep in his voice.

‘I just talked to Natasha yesterday. She and Clint were taking care of the second of the two near misses and Fury wanted a status report from them, too. He wants us safe and he wants us where it’d be extremely difficult to kill us,’ explained Steve.

‘There’s only one place I know of where we’d have a chance in hell of being safe. That is, if we don’t flee the country,’ commented Sam.

Steve nodded his head. ‘I’ve talked to Tony. He’s OK with us being there.’

Bucky hadn’t said anything during all of this but at the mention of Tony’s name, he flinched.

‘What is it, Buck?’ asked Steve.

‘I don’t think Tony wants me around, Steve. After all, his parents were targets of Hydra,’ reminded Bucky.

‘Did you kill them?’ asked Steve, keeping his eyes on Bucky. 

‘I… I might have. I don’t remember. At that time, they had me so submerged, I barely remember anything. Just… obey the orders given to me, finish the mission. I can’t say yes, I can’t say no. I’m sorry,’ whispered Bucky, hunching his shoulders miserably.

‘It’s OK, Bucky. I talked to Tony about this, Pepper talked to Tony about this, even Bruce talked to Tony about this. He knows you were brainwashed, mind wiped, all of that. He actually _gets_ it. He knows something about things happening beyond his control,’ reassured Steve.

‘Tony wouldn’t invite you if he didn’t want you there, Bucky,’ added Sam. ‘If he has feelings about this, he knows he can talk to one of us about it or he can talk to a therapist I’ve recommended in the past. He’s got a decent handle on it.’

‘Why don’t we eat and then we can talk some more,’ suggested Steve, glancing up as the waitress came with a large tray. Their food was neatly arrayed on it and she deftly unfolded a tray holder.

‘All right,’ agreed Bucky. He looked greedily at the huge plate that barely held the roast beef sandwich, mashed potatoes, gravy, and corn. A decent sized salad was placed next to the huge plate and a dressing carousel was placed in the middle of the table. 

Steve grinned as his plate was placed in front of him and Sam nodded his head in approval as his omelet was placed in front of him as well.

‘Do you want anything else?’ asked their waitress.

‘No, we’re OK for now. We might want dessert later,’ said Sam.

‘I’ll check back. Thanks! Enjoy your meals,’ said the waitress with a wink. She folded the tray holder and tucked the large serving tray under her arm and walked away.

‘I _think_ I’ll have room for dessert,’ guessed Sam, poking at the very large omelet. It rivaled a Chipotle burrito. If Sam squinted, it looked like it was about the size of two Chipotle burritos.

‘Good luck with that,’ wished Steve. He had already eaten half of his turkey sandwich and was enthusiastically digging into the huge mound of potatoes and gravy. Sam hated him.

Bucky was ahead of Steve and Sam, both. His potatoes were gone as was most of his sandwich and he was working on the small pile of buttered corn, dipping spoonfuls of corn into the leftover gravy.

Sam sighed and began tackling his omelet.

After a few minutes of silence, Steve pushed his plate aside and drizzled some Ranch dressing onto his salad. He pushed aside the tomatoes and smiled slightly when Bucky grumbled under his breath and stabbed the tomatoes with his fork.

Bucky flicked his fork and the tomatoes tumbled onto his own salad. He picked up the Western dressing and poured a decent amount onto his salad, spearing a tomato pointedly and smirking slightly at Steve’s shudder.

‘Not a fan of tomatoes?’ asked Sam, mildly, watching this silent exchange.

‘Not really. I ate them back when because a person doesn’t turn down food when it’s available. But I’ve never liked cold tomatoes. I don’t mind hot tomatoes. Chili, tomato soup, even stewed tomatoes. It tastes weird cold,’ explained Steve. ‘Bucky always ate my tomatoes. He’d give me his cucumbers, instead. He wasn’t a fan of cucumbers.’

Bucky raised his eyebrows and glanced down at the cucumbers in his salad. ‘I wondered why I didn’t want to touch them,’ he said, poking at them with his fork.

‘Because you always gave them to me. Here, I’ll take them,’ said Steve, easily gathering the three large cucumbers with his fork tines and transferring them to his bowl.

‘Huh. Who woulda’ known you two had a routine when it came to veggies,’ commented Sam. He had managed to eat half of his omelet and was feeling pretty proud of his achievement.

‘Yeah. It’s been weird because when I eat salad, I don’t know what to do with my tomatoes. I just… let them sit there. Sometimes, Thor or Bruce take them but that’s only if they’re around. It’s a shame to let good food go to waste. I’ll usually skip the salad if there’s tomatoes in it,’ confessed Steve.

Bucky snorted. ‘You’ve always been a softie.’

Steve smiled. ‘Yeah. Maybe I have been. But I still eat the cucumbers you won’t touch.’

Bucky stared at him for a minute before huffing a reluctant laugh. He bent over his salad and ate methodically.

Steve looked at Sam and shrugged, the tension that had been riding on his shoulders and tightening between his shoulder blades easing a fraction.

Sam nodded, looked mournfully down at his omelet, and said, ‘I think I need a to go box.’

**

After Sam paid for their breakfast, Steve held the bag that had three pie pieces, a dozen chocolate chip cookies, and the remainder of Sam’s monster omelet in little to go boxes. Bucky was reading a section of the New York Times and his eyebrows were raised almost up past the fringe of hair that brushed his browline.

‘Aw, don’t tell me you’re reading the Lifestyle section,’ exclaimed Sam. ‘Look, you’re still figuring shit out and now you’re getting a crash course in pop culture. Dude, there are attainable goals and then there is showboating. You are going to crash and burn.’

Bucky twitched the paper at Sam. ‘At least I don’t have fancy wings on,’ he replied back, biting back a smile as Sam swore and Steve choked on a strangled laugh.

‘Come on. Let’s go to the parking garage so’s I can pay a small fortune to drive my car out. Why didn’t we park in Stark’s tower?’ asked Sam.

‘Because it’s nowhere near here,’ answered Steve. ‘But we’re headed there now, anyway. So free parking for the win.’

‘Ugh,’ interrupted Bucky. ‘This is how people talk now?’

They walked to the parking garage, Bucky looking over Steve’s bike, inspecting it from tip to tip. He nodded his head in approval and then opened up the back door, getting in and making himself comfortable.

‘Are you guys getting in or are we going to add even more debt to the parking ticket?’ asked Bucky, smirking at them.

Steve rolled his eyes and got into the passenger side while Sam got into the driver’s side and started up the engine.

Bucky sat in the backseat of the car, his legs sprawled out over the seat, his head tilted back as he dozed.

Steve kept glancing back at him, wondering if things were going to be OK now or if they would go up in an amazing fireball of doom and destruction. 

There was only one way to find out. Steve gave Sam directions to the Stark tower and braced himself for the mayhem that was sure to follow.


	2. Welcome Back, Bucky

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clint may tease about being initiated into the Avengers but fighting Hydra agents wasn't part of the deal.
> 
> Tony and Coulson squabble over Bucky, much to his bemusement.
> 
> Bucky meets Bruce, Pepper, Clint, Thor, Coulson, Tony, and the robots. He really likes meeting the robots.
> 
> No matter what happens, good or bad, there is always the promise of pizza, root beer, and movies. The Avengers are pretty sure 'Star Wars' is a good reintroduction into the modern world, pop culture, and hanging out with them. Bucky's pretty sure that if popcorn is part of the deal, it's a great idea.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This wraps up some loose ends from The Agents of Shield, specifically Phil Coulson and what he's been doing. (Phil is a busy busy man these days)
> 
> Also, note that Clint wears hearing aids in this fic. He is partially deaf and also uses American Sign Language to communicate. 
> 
> Thanks for your kudos, bookmarks, and comments! Much appreciated!

Sam drove into the underground garage, using Steve’s Avenger’s card to swipe over the reader.

The door closed behind them and Sam parked next to a vintage car that had him feeling like the country cousin. 

Steve opened the door and stood in front of Bucky’s door when the elevator pings and Tony, Bruce, and Thor step out.

Bucky cautiously got out of the car and stood to the left of Steve, his arms folded across his chest.

‘Hey… you finally decided to show up!’ exclaimed Tony, throwing up his arms in sardonic celebration.

‘Uh… arc reactor?’ asked Steve, feeling silly but the distinct blue glow was nonexistent. As was the arc reactor, apparently. 

‘Oh. Yeah. Was able to get that problem fixed. Fixed Pepper, fixed me, want to keep the flow going,’ answered Tony, his sharp gaze swinging over to look at Bucky.

Bruce made an exasperated sound. ‘Ignore him for the moment. He’s being Tony. Welcome to the tower, all of you. I’m Bruce Banner.’

‘You’re the one responsible for raising the insurance on my momma’s house?’ said Sam, arching an eyebrow.

‘Uh… yes? Sorry about that. I told Tony I broke Harlem but he didn’t listen to a word I was saying,’ answered Bruce, dryly.

Sam grinned. ‘That about describes it, neatly. At least my momma has a nicer home, now. Better construction, energy efficient. Those heating bills were killing her.’

‘Glad to have helped out, I think,’ said Bruce, with a wry grin.

‘I am Thor. I’ve been away from Midgard but the Lady Jane and I are back for a little while,’ said Thor, studying Bucky. ‘Your arm is a weapon, is it not?’

‘My whole body is a weapon,’ said Bucky, shifting slightly. 

‘You are a warrior like Steve, then. We must spar sometime, to test our strength and speed, and to see who is the better warrior,’ invited Thor. He smiled at Bucky. ‘I believe you would be a worthy opponent.’

‘Yeah… no sparring until I get my hands on his arm. What the hell… who put this hunk of junk on you? It has no finesse, no subtlety. No wonder they froze you. Probably ashamed of their engineering,’ muttered Tony.

Steve groaned. ‘Tony… stop.’

‘What? And I also have drawn up another set of wings for Falcon, here,’ continued Tony, unperturbed. ‘Those wings were junk, too. Rhodey has been on me for ages to upgrade the wings and now I have an excuse to do so. Birdman, you will sing my praises once you see the new design.’

Bruce sighed. ‘Sorry about this. I think he’s overcompensating. Again.’

‘What? Who’s overcompensating? Why would I possibly need to overcompensate? Stop using big words, Banner. You’re going to confuse our guests. Let’s go, Clint is waiting up in the tower and Pepper said she’d borrow Phil’s tazer if we didn’t get up there, pronto,’ chivvied Tony, snapping his fingers.

Steve and Bruce exchanged long, suffering looks. Sam rolled his eyes and Thor smiled at Bucky who was staring at Tony with his mouth open.

‘He takes some getting used to but he means well,’ said Thor, kindly. ‘Come, fellow warrior. The Hawkman is eager to meet you.’

Bucky shook his head and murmured to Steve, ‘Here’s another fine mess you’ve gotten us into, pal.’

**

The tower was huge. Bucky figured they were up at least thirty stories before the elevator doors slid open and they stepped out into an open area which looked like a family room. There was a huge theater sized screen with couches placed around it at one end of the room. At the other, there was a long dining room table with comfortable looking chairs. To the side, a fully equipped kitchen with a breakfast bar. And nestled against another wall was a fully stocked liquor cabinet, complete with wet bar.

Three people were sitting on the couches and they turned as Steve, Bucky, and Sam made their way further into the room.

Bucky studied each of them. The woman with the fiery red hair and welcoming smile must be Pepper. Bucky had read up about her before. She looked small and harmless but he knew she was formidable. She had to be to run Stark Industries and keep Tony on a leash.

The other two men sat close together. One was dressed in a nondescript suit but something about him had Bucky eyeing him carefully. The other was dressed in jeans and a t shirt that had seen better days. He had hearing aids on that were discreetly tucked into his ears. He grinned at Bucky.

‘Hey, they found you. I was thinking we’d at least have to go around the globe a couple of times. Stark would lose his temper and Tasha would have to sit on him at least three times to calm him down. What’d they do? Play old people music to lure you out?’

The man next to him heaved a long suffering sigh. ‘Clint, stand down. Welcome to the tower. There’s plenty of time for you to get used to things and this is the safest place to do so.’

‘Wait… are you from SHIELD?’ demanded Bucky.

‘I… was,’ said the man, carefully. ‘I worked for the SHIELD I thought I knew. I’m Phil Coulson. I’ve worked with Nick Fury on many projects.’

‘Oh. So he isn’t...’ Bucky didn’t complete the sentence as Clint shook his head ‘no’ emphatically.

‘No… he wasn’t. He was… recovering… and then he was caught up in cleaning up some of the Hydra bullshit. He’s now rebuilding SHIELD as it was meant to be,’ explained Clint.

‘That’s a tough job, Mr Coulson,’ said Bucky. ‘There’s Hydra cells all over and… people you need to find.’

‘I know. But it needs to be done. Little by little, we’re cleaning up the mess. We’re glad you’re here. You and Steve and Sam are in danger. Hydra wants to eliminate you, make sure you can’t tell any secrets or reveal any hiding places,’ said Phil.

‘I know some things. I know some places, too. I can’t… I don’t know if I can remember everything but I think I can remember enough,’ said Bucky. 

‘Bucky… you don’t have to do this. Phil, he doesn’t have to do this. He’s been used by Hydra all these years. He’s been tortured and frozen and… he’s paid his dues, Phil,’ protested Steve. He’d put away the take out boxes in the fridge and had set the bag of cookies on the breakfast bar. He turned around to frown at Phil.

‘I know I don’t have to do this but I _need_ to do this. I’ve got red in my ledger. So much red,’ said Bucky, softly, glancing at Tony.

‘I’m Pepper Potts,’ introduced Pepper, instinctively knowing it was time to change the subject. ‘I’ve prepared a room for Steve but not for Sam or you. I apologize. I can make those changes and in a couple of weeks, you both can have your own floors as well.’

‘Uh… thanks but no thanks,’ said Bucky. ‘I don’t...’

‘I think we should stay on the same floor,’ interrupted Steve. He caught Bucky’s eye and they stared at each other for a few minutes.

‘I don’t need a floor to myself, either,’ added Sam. ‘I’m happy to be where Steve and Bucky are. We soldiers are used to cramped quarters.’

‘Are you sure? It really wouldn’t be any trouble at all...’ said Pepper, her words trailing off when she saw Bucky bite his lip and look down.

‘I appreciate it, Pepper. Thank you. But Bucky needs time and he needs to be around people he knows. We’ll bunk it,’ said Steve.

‘Ok. Why don’t we change your floor to add a couple of bedrooms and a larger living area? At least let me do that,’ asked Pepper.

Steve looked at Sam who shrugged and then at Bucky who was still staring at the floor.

‘Maybe another bedroom. Bucky and I are used to sharing sleeping space. Isn’t that right, Buck?’ asked Steve, softly.

Bucky raised his head and there was a blankness to his face that wrung at Steve’s heart.

‘Look, let’s just let it be. Buck and I will figure it out. No pressure,’ whispered Steve, not taking his eyes away from Bucky.

Pepper nodded her head. ‘No pressure at all. We’ll get the extra bedroom added on tomorrow and put in another bed in yours as well. Let me know if there’s anything else you need, OK?’ She smiled at Sam and Bucky.

‘We’ll be just fine,’ reassured Sam. ‘Thanks for wanting to make us feel at home right away. Gotta say this is moving up a bit in the world. I’d like to see these new wings Stark is crowing about, though.’

Tony grinned. ‘You’re going to want to try them out. Unfortunately, I have to build them. That and a helmet for Captain Hard Head over here.’ He pointed at Steve.

‘Yeah, yeah. I know. I told you I’ll wear one when you get it done,’ pointed out Steve.

‘I better head to the workshop. Lots to do and time waits for no man,’ said Tony, turning to go and running into the human wall that was Thor.

Thor held onto him with practised ease. ‘Stop wiggling, man of iron,’ he intoned. ‘You have plenty of time to work in your shop. Pepper has said you need to socialize and be around people, more. This is people time, not work time.’

Thor grinned, his grin growing as Tony struggled futilely in his grip for a few minutes. ‘Why don’t you show them around? This is a big place and to be lost in it wouldn’t be a good idea. You have floors which are special clearance and floors which are public. We are going to order pizza for dinner tonight. I have a craving for them.’

‘Is that what we’re doing? All right, Point Break. I can be social for a little while but I have things to do and money to make. Come on you three. Jarvis and I can give you the grand tour,’ invited Tony with a sweep of his arm.

‘Jarvis?’ asked Bucky.

‘Good evening,’ said Jarvis politely, his voice seeming to come from everywhere.

Bucky cringed and Steve stopped himself from holding Bucky’s hand. Instead, he lowered his voice and said, ‘Jarvis is Tony’s AI assistant. He runs the tower, Bucky. He’s Tony’s watcher.’

‘And sometimes, his keeper,’ added Pepper with a laugh.

Bucky frowned. ‘You mean, he’s not real?’

‘Not as you’d think,’ answered Jarvis, carefully. ‘My pardon for the surprise. I thought you’d been told about me by now.’

‘No… hadn’t had the chance, yet. Jarvis is a creation of Tony’s and an extension of Tony. He… he sees for Tony when Tony isn’t around. He’s as real as one can get and not be human. You can ask him pretty much anything,’ explained Steve.

‘I see. That’s something else, isn’t it? Something else,’ repeated Bucky, a grin on his face.

‘Yeah. Real science fiction stuff come to life,’ replied Tony. ‘Come on. Let me show you around the place. Got some other cool stuff you might like.’

Bucky looked at Sam and Steve who nodded encouragingly. He frowned slightly and his face was blank again but he said, ‘I’d like to see that.’

Steve let out his breath as he followed Bucky out of the room.

Tony is as good as his word, showing them the different levels of the tower. He asks Jarvis to bring up a 3D map and Jarvis does so, the map showing different areas of the tower. There were the separate floors for various people. Bruce, Clint, and Steve have their own floors. Pepper and Tony share a floor and Thor shares a floor with his Lady Jane. Phil doesn’t have his own floor but Tony mutters something along the lines of sharing a nest with Barton and Bucky gets it.

There are floors that are restricted and floors that are science labs. There are floors for recreation. One has a pool in it, another a basketball court, another a gym with exercise equipment. 

‘Then there’s my workshop. This, you gotta see in person. You’ve seen the garage. Well, one of the garages,’ amended Tony.

They walked down a short flight of stairs and Bucky is taking it all in. 

‘You have more than one garage?’ asked Sam.

‘Yeah. Gotta keep the expensive wheels in one, the team wheels in another. Then there’s parking for guests and for Stark Industry employees. That sort of thing. Then, there’s the private parking garage which is where you guys park your private day to day vehicles. I’ll get you access cards. It’s keyed to you and you only. It’ll make life easier. You’ll have places you can go with it and places you can’t. But your rooms will be just yours,’ explained Tony as they walked into his workshop.

‘How?’ asked Bucky.

‘It’s keyed that way. Well, keyed to you, Wingman, and Capsicle, there. The only failsafe is Jarvis. He has access to everything. And the only way he’d use it is if there was an emergency. We like to respect privacy around here,’ answered Tony.

‘An emergency? Such as...’ Bucky trailed off, his eyes fixed on Tony.

‘If you were hurt. If someone else was hurt. If you were being threatened,’ said Tony, his voice low and soothing. He took a deep breath. ‘If you were threatening someone else. That’s it. There is no reason for someone to be there without your permission or for you to justify having anyone there you’re OK with.’

Bucky nodded. ‘That makes sense. I can let someone in if I want.’

‘It’s your space, pal. This isn’t any Hydra operation,’ answered Tony, sharply.

Bucky stared at him. ‘I’m sorry,’ he murmured, dropping his head and shrinking in upon himself.

Tony frowned and looked to Steve for an explanation.

‘Your parents,’ Steve said, hesitantly.

Emotions passed over Tony’s face. Anger, fear, grief, misery, too quick to pin down. ‘Do you remember?’ he asked Bucky.

‘No. I… back then, I completed my mission, was brought back, was wiped. After that one, they wiped me and froze me until… until,’ whispered Bucky. ‘I don’t remember if I was the one. I don’t remember if I merely made things easier. I know they used me in some way. I’m sorry. I met your dad a few times. He gave Steve a hard time when they rescued me… rescued us Commandos. But he got to know us,’ said Bucky, his words becoming more incoherent.

Sam gave him a concerned look and was about to say something when Tony opened the door to the shop and three robots came careening over to greet them.

Bucky stared at the robots jostling each other and he watched with fascination as Tony shooed them away.

‘Sorry… thought it’d be good to interrupt remembering the good old days,’ said Tony, sighing as one robot circled back and leaned against Steve.

‘Dum-E, no. Dum-E, leave Steve alone,’ commanded Tony.

Dum-E merely ignored Tony and moved its camera up and down until it was focused on Steve’s face.

Steve smiled. ‘Hi, Dum-E. Long time no see. Are you keeping Tony busy?’

Tony snorted. ‘Is he keeping me busy? As busy as a one legged man in an ass kicking contest. Which, I might add, is him kicking my ass. I’m amazed I get as much work done as I do with his, uh, help.’ Tony made quote marks with his fingers when he said ‘help.’

Bucky laughed, his rusty laugh that wrenched at Steve’s heart. It had the echo of the boy he knew.

Dum-E raised his camera, looked around, and spotted Bucky and Sam. He wheeled himself over, his attachment at the end of his arm opening and closing in what Bucky supposed was excitement.

‘This is Dum-E? That’s… that’s his name?’ asked Bucky.

‘It isn’t… it isn’t meant to be derogatory. It’s a love name Tony gave to him. The other two are You and Butterfingers,’ introduced Steve, pointing to each robot in turn.

‘That’s something else, that is. Hi, there,’ said Bucky, the blankness on his face erased by a boyish wonder as the two other robots came over and checked him out.

Sam backed up to allow Bucky room to maneuver. Steve patted Dum-E’s arm and watched as Bucky touched the other robots with careful fingers, his metal hand gleaming in the bright lights of the workshop.

Tony smiled, the grief tucked down inside again. He leaned against his work bench and watched as Dum-E made his way over to Bucky and grasped Bucky’s metal arm with his claw. Bucky looked down as Dum-E moved Bucky’s arm this way and that.

‘I think he likes my arm,’ murmured Bucky, opening his hand and wriggling his fingers for Dum-E’s inspection.

‘Careful. He’ll want one just like it,’ teased Tony.

Bucky huffed laughter. ‘This is one of a kind, Stark. Russian made, Hydra approved.’

‘Did… did he just make a joke?’ asked Tony.

Steve exchanged a look with Sam. ‘Bucky likes making jokes. He always was giving one of the Commandos a hard time. Then there’s the pranks. And the dares. The guys learned pretty quick never to dare Bucky to do anything. He would not and did not show an ounce of shame,’ remembered Steve.

‘They thought they could embarrass me but there’s nothing embarrassing about dressing in womens’ clothing or wearing make up. Some of the guys used to do it down at the docks. They liked it or they attracted guys who did,’ added Bucky. ‘Sides, I’m not the one who looks good with lipstick on. That’d be Steve.’

Steve turned bright red as Sam guffawed and Tony bent over with laughter.

‘You’re all right, Barnes. Let’s take a look at that arm. I want to make sure it’s not breaking down in ways you don’t want and maybe I can make it a little easier to bear,’ offered Tony after a moment, fidgeting.

‘Thanks, Tony. That’ll be a load off of my mind. Not sure if this is entirely under my control now or not,’ responded Bucky.

Tony motioned for them to follow him and they walked into the workshop. There was a half finished Iron Man suit hanging from a rack, wires trailing out of it like a technological train of a wedding gown.

3D schematics of something else was projected into the air from one machine and another held up a familiar pair of wings, a 3D image that rotated slowly in mid air.

‘There are my babies!’ crowed Sam, walking over to gaze at the model.

‘These are the upgraded versions. Much better than those poor pigeon knock offs you were sporting before,’ said Tony, his voice smug. ‘Look. The wings have the ability to be serrated on the edges so you don’t get lasso’d in mid air by some slick assassin. And upgraded rocket boosters so you can fly faster and stay in the air longer. Also, I’ve tucked in some other tricks here and there.’

‘They look smaller,’ commented Sam, tilting his head and reading the schematics.

‘They are smaller. They’re lighter as well. I’ve got a new metal I’ve been wanting to experiment with and figured these wings would be a great first project. I’m going to start working on them tomorrow,’ said Tony.

‘Huh,’ murmured Sam. ‘How long until they’re ready for testing?’

Tony smiled slyly. ‘Can’t wait to feel the wind beneath your wings again, eh? Not that I don’t blame you. Give me a week. I think I can have it ready for a test run in about a week. Maybe a little less.’

‘Damn! I’ve missed my wings. Have you missed me, baby? Have you missed your daddy?’ crooned Sam, reaching out to touch the model with careful fingers.

‘Let’s let the man have his moment,’ suggested Tony with a grin. ‘Let me take a look at your arm, Barnes. Does it come off?’

‘Uh… yeah. It does. Let me… let me unhook it,’ murmured Bucky.

Steve watched as Bucky reached up and pressed something on his arm. It detached with a click and Bucky handed it over carefully to Tony.

Tony gently cradled the arm against him as he placed it on his workbench. ‘Jarvis, can you zero in on this? Tell me what we’ve got, here.’

‘My pleasure, sir.’ There was silence as Jarvis ran a scan over Bucky’s arm, and then more silence.

‘What’s up, Jarvis? Cat got your tongue?’ asked Tony.

‘Sir...’ Jarvis’ voice was hesitant. ‘This isn’t earth made material. It is very much like the weaponry from the Chitauri. It is not something you’ve used before.’

‘Not earth made? Well, then. Looks like Hydra got its dirty hands on more than the Tesseract,’ murmured Tony. He rolled the arm over and bent to get a closer look at it.

Steve studied Bucky from beneath his lashes. He’d never seen Bucky without his arm on; to see the stump of what used to be a whole arm, wrist, hand, and fingers made Steve’s heart ache. The amputation was clean, the stump no longer mangled flesh and sinew and bone. 

Still. Steve had seen the photos of Bucky as he laid so pale and still. He’d seen the aftermath of his fall down the mountain and seen the monstrosity of an arm attached to him by Zola. He knew Bucky wouldn’t have wanted any of that. 

Tony made a noise under his breath and got out a few tools from a cabinet near the workbench.

Sam wandered over to the sofa that had been pushed to the side, bright pillows piled on its cushions. 

‘I’m just going to sit over here. I think our tour has begun and ended,’ he announced, gesturing over at Tony.

Steve looked over and sighed. ‘We lost him. Might as well make ourselves comfortable for a while. Pepper will come down, eventually. Then we’ll be treated to seeing Tony tuck his tail between his legs. It’s always entertaining.’

Bucky absently rubbed the stump of his arm with his other hand, his fingers running over the surface of his skin. ‘Tony’s used to that?’

‘Yeah. Pepper knows he gets pretty wrapped up in his work,’ Steve started to explain. His further words were drowned out by the music that blared throughout the workshop.

Bucky stared around wildly. ‘What the...’

Steve held up a hand and listened to the song for a moment. ‘Yup. We’re in for it, now. He put on the serious working music.’

‘This is music?’ wondered Bucky aloud, tilting his head and listening as well.

‘Hasn’t Steve introduced you to heavy metal yet?’ asked Sam, yelling from the sofa. He’d sat down and had put a pillow behind his back.

Steve and Bucky walked over. Bucky sat down at the far end, a pillow on his lap. Steve sat next to him, trying not to crowd him but wanting to be nearby.

‘We’re still working on pop music,’ explained Steve. ‘Bucky has a soft spot for Britney Spears and The Backstreet Boys.’

Bucky made a rude noise, sounding like a horse and flipped Steve off.

Sam laughed. ‘Oh, man. Wait until I introduce you to rap and hip hop.’

Bucky raised an eyebrow and then rapped the first verse to Tupac’s ‘Life of an Outlaw.’ 

Sam stared at him incredulously, then nodded his head. ‘That’s right. Start with the classics, Bucky. Tupac had it going on.’

They settled into the sofa, making themselves comfortable, and watched Tony mutter to himself as he moved the metal arm around.

Steve leaned back, resting his head against the sofa and Bucky slouched down, crossing his feet at the ankles. Sam had already closed his eyes and looked to be asleep.

Steve moved his head so he could gaze at Bucky’s profile. He took in the long dark hair, the thick eyelashes, the hint of blue from Bucky’s eye. Bucky looked like a statue, like a Grecian soldier with his aquiline nose and full lips.

‘Found one!’ exclaimed Tony. He was busy digging out something small in the metal of Bucky’s arm.

‘Found what?’ asked Steve, his body tensing.

‘A tracker. It’s pretty mangled, though. Did you do this, Barnes?’ asked Tony, holding up the small chip that had been folded sideways.

‘Yeah,’ said Bucky. He held up his right arm and Steve and Tony could see newly made scar tissue up and down it.

‘There were more, there?’ asked Steve, keeping his voice steady.

‘I’m too valuable an asset to be allowed free. They want to find me, put me under, make me forget. I’m done with that,’ snarled Bucky. ‘There might be a couple more, there. I tried to get them all,’ he told Tony.

‘Right. Jarvis, scan this, please,’ requested Tony.

‘I’m on it, sir,’ replied Jarvis. ‘There. I’ve located three other chips. Mr Barnes, would you come over here?’

‘Sure,’ said Bucky, responding instinctively to authority. He rose from his seat fluidly, walking with military precision over to stand next to Tony.

After a few moments, Jarvis speaks up, his voice sounding subdued. ‘There are four more chips that are active. I can deactivate them, sir.’

‘Do it,’ agreed Tony, waiting for a nod from Bucky. ‘Take them out.’

‘Do I...’ Bucky made a move towards the hidden holster he always had on him.

‘No. You don’t need to dig them out. Jarvis is going to kill them. And we are going to see if you have any fans who’ve managed to track you here. Jarvis, have Barton and Thor come down here,’ asked Tony again, nodding when Jarvis let him know the trackers were dead.

‘Good. We don’t have that to worry about, anymore,’ said Tony, turning slightly when Thor and Clint came into the workshop.

‘What do you need?’ asked Clint, nodding at Bucky, Steve, and a now awake Sam.

‘I need you to see if we have any visitors on their way. Barnes had some tracking devices still operational,’ said Tony.

Clint frowned. ‘I’m on it. I’ll let you know.’ He turned around and left.

‘And I?’ asked Thor, eagerness in his voice.

‘Why don’t you take it high in the sky? See who’s sniffing around the tower. Let me know,’ instructed Tony.

‘Aye, then I shall hunt my quarry,’ said Thor. He walked to the platform that jutted out of the tower. The doors slid open and Thor flew out, swinging Mjolnir.

‘Wait… what?’ asked Bucky, staring.

‘Thor isn’t from around here,’ said Tony, helpfully. ‘And I… am going to get ready.’ He touched the bracelets at his wrists and within moments was encased in the Iron Man armour. He looked over at Steve. ‘Where’s your shield?’

‘Somewhere in the Potomac?’ hazarded Steve.

‘They haven’t found it yet?’ asked Tony. ‘Fine. Jarvis, we’re going fishing.’

He blasted out of the tower.

Sam crossed his arms. ‘And I don’t even have my wings,’ he muttered with disgust.

After a few moments, Tony came back, tossed Steve his shield, and said, ‘There’s weapons in the panel behind you. Jarvis, if you would. I’m going to join Thor.’

‘How are we supposed to get out of here after we get the weapons?’ asked Sam.

‘I can show you,’ said a new voice. Phil Coulson was walking towards them. ‘Sorry about all this. Moving day usually isn’t this exciting.’

‘We haven’t moved in quite yet,’ argued Sam. ‘I still got to pack up my place.’

‘We’ll get some trusted people to do that. Can’t risk you being ambushed by Hydra,’ said Phil, apologetically. ‘We’ll sit down later and you can tell me what you need. In the meantime, let’s get you armed.’

The panel swung open and Sam whistled. There are weapons there he’d only heard of and other weapons he’d used before. 

He chose the weapons he’s comfortable with and turned to Steve.

Steve shook his head. ‘I have the shield. It’s all I need.’

‘Bucky?’ asked Sam.

Bucky was still, staring at him. ‘I can’t exactly fight without my arm, you know. I carry a sniper rifle, normally.’

‘So put it back on. Tony didn’t take it apart, he just took out the trackers which is a good thing. You can detach it again later, you know,’ reminded Sam.

‘Right… I can...’ Still, Bucky was hesitant.

‘Buck… we trust you. You aren’t going to shoot me in the back, are you?’ asked Steve, bluntly.

‘No… I’m not,’ said Bucky, quietly. He nodded to himself and picked up his arm, put it back into place with ease, and commandeered a sniper rifle. ‘This will do.’

Phil studied him for a moment, a clear-eyed look that Bucky met with his own blue eyed gaze. For the first time in a long time, his mind was free of whispers and static. He no longer was under control of Hydra. He no longer was their killing machine. He wasn’t exactly Bucky Barnes, either. But then again, he never was the same boy from Brooklyn after being captured by Zola. He had time to put those pieces together. His mind re-centered itself, the cloudiness dissipating. People were coming for him but this time, he was going to fight back and he wasn’t going back. No more mind wipes. No more cryo freezes.

Phil nodded at him, satisfied. ‘Let’s go. We can mop up a few more of these Hydra bastards and have a drink afterwards. Sound good?’

‘Sounds great,’ answered Bucky.

‘I’m in,’ added Sam. 

‘Let’s take care of business and then, maybe pizza like Thor wanted? And a movie?’ suggested Steve, taking the earpiece Phil handed him and putting it on.

Sam and Bucky took theirs, put them in their ears, and grinned at each other.

Steve snorted. ‘You did it now, Phil. You let the foxes in the hen house.’

Phil shrugged. ‘Chicken’s on the menu tonight, boys. Let’s go hunting.’

**

After, when they had the chance to view the footage, the odds against the Hydra agents were laughable. They had sent ten agents to surround the tower, three of them former SHIELD associates. Coulson’s mouth tightened in recognition but all he said was, ‘Capture them alive if you can. I have some questions and they have answers.’

Clint had his bow and quiver, positioned comfortably at an angle from a building across the street.

Thor was high in the sky, his red cape barely visible, idly swinging Mjolnir as he circled about for the best vantage point.

Tony was also circling overhead, careful to stay out of sighting distance. He was a distant point in the sky.

Phil, Sam, Steve, and Bucky made their way out onto the street, running as silently as they could to get into strategic positions.

At Phil’s signal, all hell broke loose. 

Within minutes, five agents were down and unconscious, thanks to Clint’s tranq arrows. Three other agents were rendered unconscious when Thor swooped down and made short work of them. The other two were held at bay by Tony from one side and Sam and Steve from the other. 

‘I suggest you drop your weapons and raise your hands above your head,’ ordered Steve, shield at the ready.

One of the agents sneered at him. ‘You forget we are Hydra. Cut one head, three more take its place. We will run you to the ground. We will take back what is ours.’

There is the faint whisper of metal scraping and Bucky appears, the rifle held in steady hands. ‘I was never _yours_ to begin with… you took what never belonged to you.’

The agent laughed. He began to speak, the Russian words smooth and practiced. Steve never let him finish. He threw his shield and knocked him down, reaching out and grasping the shield as it rebounded back into his hand.

Bucky shook his head. ‘Still trying to pull me under. That wasn’t wise.’

‘No, assholes, what isn’t wise is leaving yourself wide open,’ called Clint. He let his last arrow fly and the last agent fell over, the tranquilizer doing its work.

‘Well, that was boring,’ commented Tony, flying down to hover above the unconscious agents.

‘Tis no honour to fight thieves such as these,’ agreed Thor. He landed heavily, walking over to stand next to Bucky. ‘Are you alright, Son of Barnes?’

Bucky raised startled eyes to Thor’s face. ‘Son of… oh, you sure are an old time fella’, aren’t you? Yeah. I’m fine. Good thing Steve knocked that one out. He was trying to trigger an old failsafe. He didn’t finish the phrase, obviously.’

Steve nodded. ‘I thought that was what he was doing. Figured it’d be smart to cut him off.’

‘I’d have fought through it,’ murmured Bucky. He met Steve’s eyes and the shadow of the man Steve knew filled his eyes. ‘I’m done being someone else’s patsy.’

Phil walked over, clucking in false sympathy. ‘Best get the clean up van. These chickens got some squawking to do. Fury’s flying in tonight to have a little chat with them. Good job, gentlemen. You work good as a team.’

Phil looked at all of them but his bright gaze rested on Bucky the longest.

‘Wait… you want me on the team?’ asked Bucky who wasn’t the slowest bulb in the box but this was still a shock to the system.

‘When you’re ready, there’s a place for you,’ promised Phil. ‘Once you work through some things, you’re going to be hopping mad. I’ve got an outlet for that.’

‘Wait wait wait… Agent… Director… Coulson… if Barnes is going to be anywhere, he’s going to be here at the tower, as an Avenger. Not working for the second coming of SHIELD,’ objected Tony, opening his mask so he could glare at Phil.

Bucky sidled over to Steve. ‘Are they fighting over me?’ he whispered.

‘Not yet. This is just a warm up,’ whispered Steve back, amused despite himself.

‘We can sort it all out inside,’ suggested Phil. ‘In the meantime, let’s get these people off the streets. We’re attracting attention.’

Tony nods. ‘All right. When is the van coming?’

‘Should be here in a few moments,’ answered Phil. A couple of minutes later, a large van pulled up. They opened the back doors and hauled the men inside, making sure to secure them in heavy duty cuffs. 

‘I’ve got to go with them,’ said Phil, his voice apologetic. ‘I’ll be back at the tower, later. Good job,’ he added.

They watched the van leave in silence.

‘Welcome back to New York, Bucky,’ said Steve, once the silence stretched out long enough to be awkward.

‘Some welcome back, Rogers. A fella can’t even hang out without being ambushed or an attempt to trigger me back to Winter Soldier status. Geez,’ grumbled Bucky, his Brooklyn dialect strongest it’s ever been. It made Steve’s heart swell to hear it.

‘Wait until initiation into the Avengers,’ muttered Clint.

‘Wait… what?’ asked Bucky but Clint pretended he couldn’t hear him. Since Clint wore hearing aids, Bucky wasn’t sure if it was pretence or not but he scowled slightly in response.

‘Wait until you get your wings back, Sam. You’ll be getting an engraved invitation,’ said Steve.

‘And we’ll be giving Stark plenty of ammunition when it comes to our call signs. Geez, it’s like a hand wrapped gift from the heavens. Hawkeye and Falcon. He’ll be giddy for days,’ added Clint with an eyeroll.

‘Sounds awesome. Can’t wait,’ said Sam in his driest tone.

They headed back to the tower, stopping only when Clint spoke to Jarvis who let them in without any fanfare.

‘Let’s order some pizza and watch a movie. Get Barnes caught up on some pop culture. Who’s up for ‘Star Wars’?’ asked Clint.

‘I haven’t watched that movie in a long time. I’m in,’ voted Sam.

‘Aye, tis a grand story about knights in a different time. The battle against evil. I would watch it again,’ said Thor.

‘Let’s see what everyone else says but it’s a great introduction for Bucky. You’ll like it, Buck. Just the thing to end our day,’ said Steve, smiling at Bucky.

Bucky nodded. ‘Pizza, root beer, and a movie? Maybe some popcorn?’ he asked.

‘Sure. We got all that,’ said Steve, easily.

A smile appeared on Bucky’s face, a smile Steve hadn’t seen in a long time. The last time he’d seen it was on an old film in the Smithsonian museum. 

‘Well, what we waiting for?’ Bucky teased.


	3. Communication

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve might be the leader of the Avengers but he still needs a reminder he's as human as everyone else. Super serum or no.
> 
> Clint is still awesome and is a total bad ass.
> 
> Thor may be a demi god but he still can lose his temper.
> 
> And even though Bruce isn't that kind of doctor, underestimating him can be deadly to one's tea drinking abilities.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the subscriptions, kudos, and comments! 
> 
> There's a lot more deaf!Clint in this chapter... American Sign Language (ASL) takes some time to learn but is a wonderful way to communicate with those who are deaf or hard of hearing. I haven't signed in a long time so I'm pretty rusty but I can still finger spell. 
> 
> And swear. 
> 
> We all know Clint knows ALL the swear words in ASL.
> 
> As always, all thanks go to my awesome beta, Librariandrew for his fine beta work!

Bucky did like ‘Star Wars.’ He also liked being left alone at times and Steve let him be, even though it was hard for him, sometimes. He wanted Bucky to know he wasn’t going to leave him or walk away from him.

Clint sat down from Steve one day, a serious look on his face.

‘What’s going on?’ asked Steve.

‘Here’s the thing. I know you care about Bucky and I know you want to be there for him but trust me, he gets it,’ said Clint, wading into the deep waters right away.

‘You think so?’ asked Steve. He was tired. Bucky had a difficult night before. He had bad dreams and was thrashing around in the bed next to Steve’s. Steve had finally climbed into bed with him and held him. In the morning, Bucky had stiffly gotten out of bed and stalked into the bathroom without a backwards glance.

‘Yeah. This whole getting your head back is tougher than hell, Steve,’ said Clint, his face serious.

Steve remembered it took a while for Clint to feel as though he was his own person, again.

‘When you were working through that stuff… did you ever wonder if we cared about you?’ asked Steve.

Clint smiled warmly. ‘That was the one thing I didn’t worry about. I didn’t have to wonder if you guys were on my side or not. I never doubted it for a moment. It helped me make it through. Bucky knows you’re on his side, Steve. Give him some space. Give him some time. He’s working through all that shit.’

‘I feel like I should have tried harder, maybe,’ confessed Steve. ‘I shouldn’t have listened to the guys. I should have gone back, made sure he had actually died. Not abandoned him.’

‘Way I see it, there was no way you could have known he was still alive. No way you thought he was. This is guilt and hindsight and hindsight is a cheating bastard. Makes you second guess every decision you made. Makes your mistakes larger than life. Don’t fall for that, Steve. You’re not being fair to yourself,’ said Clint, gently.

Steve smiled at the archer. He liked Clint a lot. Clint was funny, with sass and wit that hit the target right in the center, much like his arrows. People might wonder what Coulson saw in the sarcastic archer but Steve knew there was more to Clint than met the eye.

‘I appreciate that, Clint. Thanks,’ said Steve, quietly. ‘Is Bucky talking to you?’

‘Yeah. We’re the exclusive members of the Puppets Controlled by Shitheads Club. Maybe it should be People Turned into Puppets Controlled by Shitheads Club. That’s more accurate,’ amended Clint.

Steve grinned. ‘That would be an exclusive sort of membership,’ he admitted.

‘I get it, though. I get how he feels and I get how he lashes out, sometimes. He’s talking to a good head doc, too. The same one I went to and it’s getting better. Little by little. Just give it time, Steve.’ Clint patted Steve on the shoulder.

‘Thanks for talking to me. It helps,’ said Steve, taking a deep breath and letting it out, trying to let some of his worries out at the same time.

‘I’ll send you my bill,’ said Clint, grinning.

Steve laughed, a real laugh that made him feel good. ‘Do that. Just… let him know I’m here for him, OK? Remind him that he can always talk to me,’ Steve requested.

Clint nodded. ‘I’m teaching him sign language.’

‘Really? Why?’ asked Steve, interested.

‘He says that when we’re in the field, it’d be good to be able to converse without needing to talk. If we’re in a situation where speaking would be fatal, being able to communicate without words would be invaluable. He also says it helps when he doesn’t want to talk. He can still communicate if he wants,’ explained Clint.

‘I never thought of that,’ admitted Steve. ‘Sign language must be useful, sometimes.’

‘Not like I have a choice as to whether it’s optional or not,’ reminded Clint, mildly.

Steve flushed. ‘I’m sorry. That was… thoughtless of me.’

‘Thanks. I never really had the luxury of hearing. Grew up mostly deaf, thanks to my old man,’ sighed Clint. ‘So I learned how to sign because it was a link to the hearing world and my mostly silent one. People take their hearing for granted, you know? Most don’t think of being deaf as an asset. Bucky, though… he flipped it around. That was… refreshing.’

Steve nodded his head. ‘Would you teach me, too? I think it would be great to learn, too. And maybe, we should teach some basic signs to the team. It’s definitely an asset and it could save our lives, someday.’

Clint grinned. ‘Do you think the Hulk could learn sign?’

‘He might be interested in it. He doesn’t like to talk a lot either,’ said Bruce, who’d managed to sneak up on the both of them. He smiled, amused, as they both flinched in their seats.

‘If I teach you, will he watch and learn, too?’ asked Clint.

‘The simple stuff to start off with, sure. He’ll learn the more complex stuff over time. He’ll like being able to communicate without talking,’ said Bruce.

‘We can really fuck with the X Men, now,’ said Clint with a glint in his eye. ‘All this communicating without talking. They’ll think we found another mind reader to be on our team.’

‘They know better. Tony would not be on board with any of that,’ reminded Bruce but he was chuckling at the thought.

‘When do you want to start?’ asked Steve, a slight smile on his face, imagining the Hulk signing his need to ‘Smash!’ during battle.

‘Uh… I’ll talk to Bucky. He might not want to learn with the rest of you. God knows Stark gets to him, sometimes. If he doesn’t, I can teach the rest of you separately. Natasha and Phil already know some sign language. So that leave you three,’ said Clint.

‘Four,’ reminded Steve. ‘I don’t think Sam knows sign language.’

‘He knows a little. Not a lot but he wants to learn more. So OK, four of you,’ agreed Clint.

Steve heaved a sigh. ‘How come I’m always the last to learn about us? Some leader that makes me.’

‘We don’t expect you to know everything, Steve. Just to listen to us when we tell you things,’ said Bruce, kindly.

Clint nodded. ‘What the good doctor said. Just apply that to Bucky and you’ll be doing just fine.’

‘All right. And thanks, Clint… for everything,’ said Steve.

‘All right, all right. Enough. I’ve got to go show Bucky the latest trick arrows Stark made me. He’s especially interested in the ones that blow shit up,’ said Clint with a grin.

‘Why does that not surprise me?’ murmured Steve with a wry smile.

‘I’ll see you guys later. I gotta go!’ said Clint, waving a hand at them, sliding off his chair, and heading out of the room.

Bruce sat across from Steve, balancing two cups of tea. ‘I thought you’d like one of these,’ he offered.

Steve inhaled the delicate fragrance of the brown rice tea. ‘That smells wonderful. Thanks,’ he said, taking a cup in hand.

‘How are you doing?’ asked Bruce, after taking a sip.

‘I’m all right,’ said Steve. ‘Are you worried about me?’

Bruce shrugged. ‘A little. You insist on Bucky seeing a therapist, on making sure he’s adjusting OK, all those things to ease his transition to the here and now. What are you doing for yourself?’

Steve blinked. ‘I don’t get what you’re saying.’

Bruce ran his fingers through his hair. ‘I’m not that type of doc, but Tony insisted...’ he muttered. ‘What I’m saying is that what’s good for the pot is good for the kettle.’

‘Wait… what?’ asked Steve, even more confused.

Bruce’s face twisted in frustration and Steve could see a glimpse of the Other guy in his features. ‘Damn it. Steve… you need to take good care of yourself or you can’t help Bucky take good care of himself. How’s he going to take care of himself when he sees you aren’t doing the same for you?’

Steve’s eyes widened. ‘Oh… oh. Yeah.’

‘Yeah, indeed. Have you ever talked to someone about all this?’ asked Bruce, gesturing with his arm.

‘All what? There’s seventy some years or so, here,’ pointed out Steve.

‘Exactly. A lot happened and who have you talked to about it? I mean, _really_ talked about what happened to you?’ asked Bruce.

‘Are you offering?’ asked Steve.

‘No… no, I tried that once and it failed miserably. I’m really not that type of doctor,’ protested Bruce. ‘I’m saying you should see a therapist. Should talk to someone. A lot’s happened, now. Fury. Pierce. SHIELD becoming Hydra. Peggy and her memory loss. And now Bucky. You’re super human in physical form but you’re just like the rest of us emotionally, Steve.’

Steve sighed. ‘There’s so much, Bruce. So much inside and I… I don’t want to burden anyone.’

Bruce took a sip of tea and leaned forward. ‘You being healthy emotionally and mentally is not a burden. It’s something we all want you to be and it’s something you deserve as well.’

‘Do you think it’d help Bucky?’ asked Steve.

Bruce smiled. ‘Why am I not surprised that’s what you’d latch onto? Yes, it would help Bucky. It’d help him to see that even his best friend who now seems unreachable asks for help when he needs it.’

‘I’m the leader of the team, Bruce. I’m supposed to be capable,’ argued Steve. 

‘Hello, the forties called and they want that misplaced male bullshit back,’ riposted Bruce, his mild manner set aside.

‘What are you talking about?’ asked Steve.

‘That’s bullshit. What does you being healthy have to do with that? Or you asking for help, how is that you not being a good leader? On the contrary, acting like _that_ is one hell of a way for the team to lose confidence in you. We don’t need a perfect paragon, Steve. We like you as a human being,’ said Bruce.

Bruce gripped Steve’s arm, shaking it slightly. ‘Showing vulnerability and showing you have those hard moments makes you just like us. Don’t you think _any_ of us don’t get it? We all have been through hell, Steve. We all have our own baggage. If you don’t think so, then you haven’t been paying close enough attention.’

Steve bowed his head. ‘I need to think. This isn’t something I’d do, Bruce. This isn’t something I’m comfortable with doing, either. I might decide to just… talk to you. Or Natasha. Not in an official capacity but just… to talk.’

‘Sam is another good person to talk to,’ suggested Bruce. ‘He runs a support group for vets, after all.’

‘That would be more comfortable for me. I just… I want Bucky to feel safe. I want to put all that behind us and move forward,’ said Steve, softly.

‘The only way to move forward is to lose what’s hanging onto us from the past,’ said Bruce, gently. ‘Once you shake that loose, the only obstacle to going forward is you. I do what I can but my past is always within me, a physical reminder of my poor choices. I’m an anomaly, though. I still do the best I can.’

‘Thanks, Bruce. Look, someone told me that hindsight is a cheating bastard. It isn’t fair to judge yourself by the here and now,’ said Steve, taking a sip of his tea.

‘Oh, Clint gave you that talk, too, huh?’ asked Bruce, laughing when Steve inhaled the tea he was sipping.

**

Bucky was always good with languages. He picked up French and German and Russian (obviously) with ease. Steve would come across him and Clint sitting out on the top of the tower, where they had clear sightlines. Clint would be gesticulating with his hands and Bucky would watch him. After a moment, Bucky would make the same hand movements. 

Inside the tower, dinner time often became the place of a friendly contest between everyone. No one would speak and everyone would sign. They’d do their best to remember what they knew of sign and would laugh as they’d fumble their way through a conversation.

Tonight, Steve, Bucky, Thor, and Clint were the only ones available to get together to eat. Natasha was busy. Tony was out with Pepper for the evening and Bruce was busy in the lab. Steve decided he’d bring Bruce something to eat later on because he knew Bruce would forget, otherwise. Sam was at the VA, setting things up to start a veteran’s support group on the weekends and would be home later on.

It was a more intimate gathering but it seemed to be Bucky’s speed. He leaned back in his chair and conversed with Clint in sign language.

Steve had never seen Clint so relaxed or happy. The archer was happily signing away to Bucky as they ate, his eyes sparkling with humour. 

Steve realized that Clint mostly operated in the world of hearing people. He wore his hearing aids and read lips. He rarely signed to anyone other than Natasha or other deaf people he knew. He was always talking to everyone in the tower, holding his own against Tony. Until Bucky came, though, no one other than Natasha, thought to talk to Clint with the language he knew. Steve felt ashamed by his thoughtlessness.

Thor nudged Steve out of his thoughts and signed at him, a rapid blur of hand motions.

‘Wait… does the Allspeak allow you to understand sign language and communicate with it as well?’ asked Steve, somewhat put out.

Thor grinned and signed, ‘yes.’

‘No talking,’ reminded Bucky, poking Steve in the side.

‘You just did,’ pointed out Steve, deciding he could act like a grumpy old man if he felt like it.

Bucky rolled his eyes and then signed something to Thor that had Thor grinning like he’d just won the lottery.

‘Finger spell that to me,’ requested Steve, deciding he was going to talk if he felt like talking and no one was going to say anything about it.

Bucky sighed and slowly signed to Steve who frowned in concentration as he recalled the letters that Clint had taught him.

‘’He is such a punk...’ Hey!’ exclaimed Steve.

Bucky snickered. Clint waved his hand from the other end of the table and got Bucky’s attention. He then signed to Bucky for a good ten minutes. Bucky nodded his head and signed back, his fingers moving agilely.

‘Don’t feel too bad, Steven,’ murmured Thor. ‘Tis good to see him smile again, is it not?’ he asked, his perceptive blue eyes searching Steve’s face.

‘Yeah. It is good to see him smile again. And make jokes. It’s getting easier,’ agreed Steve.

‘It will. Easier and less than easier,’ replied Thor, motioning slightly with his hand, a see saw pattern that Steve understood.

‘Yeah. Sam said that it would come and go. I’m OK with that,’ murmured Steve.

Bucky turned towards him, a smile still on his face, his eyes brighter than they’d been in a long time.

‘’OK?’’ he signed.

Steve smiled, signing the first phrase he’d asked Clint to teach him. ‘Til the end of the line, Buck,’ he signed. 

Bucky’s cheeks turned pink and he ducked his head. ‘Punk,’ he signed back, the second sign that Steve learned from Clint.

Steve rolled his eyes and Thor chuckled.

Clint watched them all, his sharp eyes interpreting the signing and he signed back to them. 

‘What’s he saying, Buck?’ asked Steve.

Bucky sighed and gave in. ‘He says we should just get it over with and get married, already,’ he said, humour in his voice.

Steve raised his eyebrows. ‘He should talk,’ he said. ‘I’m expecting an announcement any day now from him or Coulson.’

Thor chuckled again. ‘The Son of Coul takes his time with such things. And he’s very busy right now. There is much discord in this organization that wasn’t what it seemed. I’m not sure he is focused on such matters as weddings.’

‘I’m sure he’s not,’ responded Steve, thinking to the past few weeks. He’d been sent on a few missions, rooting out Hydra cells and generally making life miserable for any rogue agents. The last mission had him, Clint, and Natasha up against a nasty safe house in Russia. They’d met up with Fury afterwards, along with a USB full of information he could use.

Thor nudged him. ‘Don’t let your thoughts wander too a far,’ he advised. ‘Take tonight’s gathering to heart, instead. Tis not often we can sit at leisure.’

‘You’re right about that,’ agreed Steve. He sighed and turned his mind to more pleasant thoughts. ‘Where is Jane, anyway?’ he asked, wondering where Thor’s beloved scientist was. He thought he’d seen her in the lab with Bruce but wasn’t sure.

‘She’s with Dr Banner in his lab. They are working on some astrophysics experiment involving dark matter and quantum physics,’ answered Thor.

‘That is way over my head,’ confessed Steve. ‘All that star stuff. Amazing but a fella like me is just going to star gaze and be happy with that.’

Clint laughed, leaning over the table as he caught Steve’s side of the conversation. ‘OK, we’ll have mercy on you and talk as well as sign. You should keep signing though, Steve. You aren’t going to get proficient at it if you don’t keep practicing.’

‘I know… I’m trying. It’s a little disconcerting when I’m sitting at a table with you three. You all can sign way better than me. I’m a little slower,’ said Steve.

‘That’s OK. We all start from somewhere. Except Thor. He’s cheating with his god abilities, there. See, this is why Stark doesn’t want you destroying any more electronics in the tower, Thor. His insurance company refuses to reimburse him for an ‘act of god’ which you apparently fall under,’ explained Clint.

Thor’s face fell but then he said, ‘I must talk to my father about weregold the next time I am in Asgard. I’m sure that will make up for any damage I have caused.’

‘Stark will love that, I’m sure,’ said Clint, dryly. ‘So Dr Foster is working with Banner, huh?’

‘Yes. They are going to help stabilize the Bifrost so I can come and go as I please. Heimdall is most fascinated with this process. He has been communicating with them when they are able to get a connection,’ said Thor, excitedly.

‘That’s something else, isn’t it?’ asked Bucky. ‘Connecting your world with ours, only more permanently. Does that mean you can stay with us whenever you wish?’

‘Indeed. I am most pleased as well. After my lady mother died...’ and Thor’s voice trailed off.

‘Your mother died?’ asked Bucky, looking between Thor and Steve for verification.

‘Yes. She was murdered by our enemies. I was able to avenge her with the help of Loki.’ Thor fell silent, again.

‘This isn’t going well,’ murmured Bucky to Steve, noting the grief on Thor’s face.

‘How is your father doing?’ asked Steve, wanting to distract Thor from his own thoughts.

‘He’s fine. He has been busy building alliances with the other worlds. I’ve never seen him so animated before. It’s like he’s another person but that is probably how he’s handling his own grief. My mother had always encouraged diplomacy before weapons. She would be proud of him,’ said Thor, softly.

‘If it brings the nine worlds into a time of peace and prosperity, what’s there not to like? And I’m sure your mother is not only proud of him but also of you. You’ve done much to help with that. Thank you for your help in hunting down the remaining Hydra cells. I’m not entirely convinced we’re getting them all,’ muttered Steve.

‘Possibly not,’ agreed Thor. ‘But we will come to that, in time. If there is something we are unaware of, our enemies will make sure we know about it.’

‘Too true,’ agreed Bucky, sourly. ‘Even with the information I remembered, there was so much more I didn’t know. How did that last mission go?’

Steve traded looks with Clint. Bucky had wanted to go with him but they thought it wiser if he stayed back and helped coordinate with Coulson. He wasn’t sure Bucky would be up for a trip deep within Russia, at least, not yet.

‘Well enough,’ answered Clint. ‘Of course, there was way too much excitement for my little heart. Had to remedy that with some sonic concussion arrows.’

Bucky sniggered in appreciation.

‘He did, too,’ assured Steve with a grin. 

Thor looked over their empty plates and the mostly empty casserole dish. Clint had made a hamburger noodle casserole and the others showed their appreciation by eating helping after helping.

‘Would anyone wish to challenge me to a game of Wii sports?’ he suggested.

Bucky and Clint traded delighted looks. They’d discovered Thor’s love of the game and exploited his weaknesses playing it. Thus far, they’d managed to rile Thor up enough so he’d thrown his Wii remote through the wall. Twice.

‘Let’s clear the table first and wash up,’ suggested Steve. He also enjoyed watching the three of them play but didn’t want Pepper gazing at them in disappointment. She’d come home once to a table full of dirty dishes and just _looked_ at Steve. That was more than enough incentive to get the dishes in the dishwasher.

‘We don’t want Pepper being disappointed with us,’ reminded Steve, smiling at Bucky, Thor, and Clint’s winces. They remembered that time, too.

‘Aye, we’ll make sure all is well and then, I shall challenge you to a game. I am still the champion of bowling,’ crowed Thor.

‘Yeah, yeah,’ muttered Bucky, stacking dishes expertly. ‘Just wait. I’ll be king of the mountain.’

Thor laughed. ‘We shall see, Son of Barnes, we shall see.’


	4. Avengers Knitting Club

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve discovers knitting is a great way to unwind.
> 
> Bucky and Natasha talk about their shared past.
> 
> Shared time with the Avengers and giving Bucky space and time to become comfortable in the here and now seems to be exactly what the doctor ordered.
> 
> Huh. Bruce might be that kind of doctor, after all...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for the kudos, comments, and bookmarks. Tis very lovely and encouraging!
> 
> There are different versions of Bucky and Natasha in canon. I decided on a patchwork quilt effect; a bit here and a bit there to come up with a fascinating back story.
> 
> Enjoy!

Sam had warned Steve that Bucky would have his good days and his bad days. He’d be able to fit another piece of the puzzle that was himself and that day would be a fantastic day. The shades of the Bucky from long ago would surface and Steve would be ecstatic. There would be reminiscing and jaunts to places they used to hang out at when they were boys. 

Then, there were the bad days. Those days, Bucky would isolate himself from everyone. He’d sit on the rooftop and stare out at the city, his mind ablaze with red and his body cold no matter what the temperature was. Steve learned to leave him be during those times and would make sure to announce his presence whenever he approached Bucky. Steve would make sure there were plenty of warm blankets on the bed. Bucky tended to sleep on the floor during those times and wrap himself in layers of blankets.

There was a definite hierarchy as to whom Bucky was comfortable being around. Steve and Sam were at the top, Clint and Thor not too far behind, and Bruce and Tony tied for last place. Natasha was an outlier; she knew Bucky from his days in the Red Room. She hadn’t said too much about it and neither had Bucky but there was a comfortable intimacy between the two.

Steve walked into the large family room (that’s what he called it in his head) to find Bucky and Natasha sitting nestled together.

Natasha was leaning against his chest and her head was tucked under his chin. She was holding what looked to be the beginnings of a sweater in her hands and knitting needles were moving slowly.

Bucky was watching intently, studying how the yarn flashed between the needles and created rows upon rows of knitted material.

‘Hi, you two,’ greeted Steve.

He looked around and saw Clint sitting in the chair over, knitting what appeared to be a sock. He waved at Clint who nodded back, engrossed in his knitting. 

‘Hi,’ said Natasha back with a welcoming smile. She wound the yarn around her finger expertly and began a new row.

‘Uh… is that where my scarf came from last Christmas?’ asked Steve, remembering the red, white, and blue scarf Natasha gifted him last holiday season.

‘Yeah… I like knitting. It’s relaxing. I make nice things. And these are great weapons in a pinch,’ stated Natasha, wiggling one of the needles.

‘She has a point,’ agreed Bucky, holding the yarn bundle in his hands, carefully unwinding it as more yarn was needed.

‘I like doing this because it keeps my fingers agile,’ commented Clint, clicking away with his knitting needles. His sock was growing longer by the minute.

‘That makes sense, too,’ said Steve. ‘Does anyone else knit?’

‘Bruce is going to join us in a minute. He’s the one who taught us. Darcy knits but she’s holed up in the lab with Jane right now. Pepper has tried to knit but has decided she’ll either buy stuff from us or from a store. Tony just laughed. Thor wants to learn,’ informed Clint.

‘What about Sam?’ asked Steve.

‘Ah! Sam knits. He knits better than any of us, except Bruce. His grandma taught him when he was a kid. Which is totally unfair. He’s working on some dress type thing,’ said Clint.

‘I’d be happy to learn how to do so,’ said Steve, sitting down next to Clint.

‘Wait until Bruce gets here. He always has extra knitting needles and yarn. He wants us to start knitting baby blankets for the homeless shelter down the way. I told him I want to master socks first, and then I’m all his,’ said Clint with a snicker.

‘I’m sure Coulson would be thrilled. Does he...’ Steve let the question trail off.

‘Nah. He cross stitches, though,’ revealed Clint, cackling at Steve’s dumbfounded expression.

Bucky guffawed and put down his yarn to sign to Clint. Clint snickered some more and nodded his head in agreement.

‘You done making fun of me, here?’ asked Steve, mildly. He was glad to see Bucky’s eyes making contact with everyone in the room. 

‘Maybe,’ muttered Bucky, his brow creased as he unwound some more yarn for Natasha.

‘Stop bickering, children,’ tsked Natasha. She twitched her shoulders slightly and got more comfortable against Bucky’s chest.

Before Steve could respond, Bruce came into the room with a large canvas bag. 

‘Hi, everyone!’ he said, cheerfully, setting the bag down at his feet once he settled into a big chair near Clint.

‘Do you have some extra needles and yarn?’ asked Steve. He walked over and peeked into the bag.

‘Sure do. You want to give it a whirl, Captain?’ asked Bruce, glancing up at him with an encouraging smile.

‘Yeah. I think it’d be good for me, help me wind down after we’re out in the field,’ said Steve.

‘It helps me,’ put in Clint, holding up his finished sock. He grinned proudly as Bruce exclaimed over it.

‘Is it too hard to do?’ asked Steve, accepting the pair of knitting needles Bruce put into his hands.

‘No… it’s more keeping track of the rows and counting your purls,’ explained Bruce. ‘It’s easy to zone out and mess up. Then you get to undo what you just did and start again.’

‘That doesn’t sound like any fun,’ commented Steve, taking up the yarn and unrolling a skein.

‘It isn’t. I once had to redo an entire sock because it turned out… wrong,’ ended Clint, wrinkling his nose.

‘So wrong,’ added in Natasha, helpfully, laughing at Clint’s grimace.

‘Here. I’ll explain to you the basics and you can start with knitting squares. You want to make a baby blanket for a little one?’ asked Bruce.

Steve grinned. ‘Sure. I’m definitely OK with that.’

As Steve knitted, he looked up from time to time to see what everyone else was doing. Clint had finished his sock and was starting up a square of his own. Natasha was contentedly knitting what definitely looked to be some sort of sweater. Bucky was staring at Bruce.

Steve studied him. It wasn’t the blank stare that would make Steve worried or the calculating stare that would have the hair on the back of his neck stand up. He was studying Bruce thoughtfully, his head tilted to one side. 

‘Hey, doc, how is the research going?’ asked Bucky.

Bruce looked up in surprise, his eyes wide and mouth slightly open. ‘It’s… going well,’ he said, slowly. ‘We are close to stabilization. Thor is excited by the possibility of trade, commerce, and other good possibilities. He’s all about positive relationships.’

‘That sounds like Thor,’ agreed Bucky, smiling gently. ‘He wishes to make amends to what he tore apart. I know something of what that need is.’

‘It’ll ease the relationship between us and Asgard, we’re hoping. And since we’re still reeling from the aftermath of SHIELD...’ Bruce paused and looked down. 

‘That’s OK, doc. You didn’t cause it and you’re trying to fix things. I get that, too,’ said Bucky, quietly. He looked down and unrolled some more yarn off of the bundle in his hands.

‘Well, I do what I can. I’m taking a break for now because I need to do better self care. At least, that’s what Darcy keeps telling me,’ murmured Bruce with a slight smile.

‘Self care. That’s what Sam keeps telling me,’ commiserated Bucky. He sighed. ‘He says to me I have to sleep and eat and exercise and do fun stuff. What fun stuff? The fun stuff I used to do mostly no longer exists or I hardly recognize it, anymore. And the stuff people like to do these days isn’t _my_ idea of fun, either,’ muttered Bucky.

‘Did I ever tell you how Natasha and I first met?’ asked Bruce, the corners of his eyes crinkling up as Natasha groaned.

Clint perked up. ‘Hey, _I_ haven’t even heard this one, yet. And it’s been what, a few years now?’

‘Whatever, Clint,’ muttered Natasha.

Clint hooted. ‘Now you gotta tell us. She’s got her lemon mouth going so might as well go for the gusto.’

Steve looked over to see Natasha’s mouth twisted into a pretty moue. ‘It isn’t wise to piss off the assassin, gentlemen.’

‘Who are you calling a gentlemen, Rogers?’ snickered Clint. 

‘No, go on,’ urged Bucky, grunting a little as Natasha dug an elbow into his side.

‘Feel the pain, Barnes,’ she hissed.

‘I’m definitely feeling it,’ gasped Bucky.

Bruce cleared his throat. ‘Well, let’s just say she persuaded me to join the Avengers. Just her. Nobody else.’

Clint stared at him after a moment’s silence. ‘Bullshit. How much backup did you have?’ he demanded, turning to stare at Natasha.

Natasha shrugged. ‘Just like Bruce said. Me and him. Things were going well. Then he got mean, I got a gun out… and a few dozen back ups wanted to join this intimate get together.’

‘That’s about how it went,’ agreed Bruce.

Steve snorted laughter. ‘Geez, and I missed all this?’

‘I believe Fury pulled the short straw with you,’ reminded Natasha.

‘Oh… yeah. That’s right,’ remembered Steve. He glanced down at his knitting. ‘Hey, I think I finished this square. Now what?’

Bruce taught Steve how to bind off his thread so he could finish his square and begin a new one.

‘I think I’m getting the hang of this!’ exclaimed Steve an hour later as he bound off his fifth square. He liked knitting and once Bruce showed him how to do purls, he liked the process even more.

‘Nice job, there, Cap,’ complimented Clint. He’d had over half a baby’s blanket of squares done and was rooting through Bruce’s bag for some more dark purple yarn.

‘You’re making a Hawkeye baby blanket?’ asked Natasha, raising an eyebrow.

‘Yeah! Gotta start them on the path early in life. Want lots of archer minions,’ explained Clint with a grin.

There was silence as Steve kept on knitting. He looked up to see Bucky nuzzling the back of Natasha’s neck. It wasn’t overt; he’d pushed her hair to the side and was gently rubbing his mouth against her soft skin.

‘Bucky… Natasha… can you tell us how you knew each other?’ asked Steve.

Natasha raised her head and sighed. ‘Are you up for talking, Buck?’ she asked.

‘Yeah… what I can remember, I can talk about,’ muttered Bucky.

‘Bucky trained me. Well, not for everything but… he trained me in a lot of things. When the Red Room decided I was going to last and wasn’t going to be… cleansed… they brought Bucky in to show me how to handle weapons,’ explained Natasha.

‘She was good. She was so young. They started them young, in the Red Room. Groomed them and kept an eye on them. They… lost the ones who didn’t live up to the potential they’d shown. The ones who made it were all assigned to me. I had three students,’ murmured Bucky, his eyes distant.

‘What happened to the other two?’ asked Clint, softly.

‘They died. During missions. They didn’t make it back to the Red Room and their bodies were found, later. So then there was just Natasha and I,’ continued Bucky.

‘Bucky was… The Winter Soldier. He was their best assassin and I was told if I trained very hard and worked at it, I could be as good as him. It was a goal I reached for, strived for. The tests got harder, more brutal. But I passed them all. And in the end, I went on missions with him,’ said Natasha, softly.

‘We did a few together. Each time, her memory was wiped. But I… I remembered her. And we grew close,’ said Bucky.

‘For a while, on an operative, we were a couple. And it was easy to continue that after the mission was done. When the Red Room discovered us… when they discovered we were aware of being altered, of our memories being wiped… they separated us and wiped us again,’ said Natasha, sighing. Bucky put an arm around her and Natasha leaned against him.

‘I didn’t know her and she didn’t know me. All we knew was we had trained together. They didn’t want to risk us knowing of each other. So when she went to Budapest… I didn’t go with her. Which turned out to be a good thing,’ added Bucky, tipping his head in Clint’s direction.

‘You saved her, Clint. You saved her life. I can’t tell you how grateful I am for that. When Natasha filled me in… when she told me what you did and how you did it… you’re a ballsy little dude, aren’t you?’ marveled Bucky.

Clint grinned. ‘That’s not what Coulson says when he reads my reports but that’s one way of putting it.’

‘Thank you,’ said Bucky. ‘When she was on the mission to protect a target I was after, I didn’t know her. I didn’t remember her. I just… I shot through her, killed my target, completed my mission. I left her without a second’s thought, no hesitation. I… I was completely under their control at that point.’

‘It’s OK,’ said Natasha. ‘We both were victims of the Red Room and of Hydra. That’s the past. This is now.’

‘And you two?’ asked Steve.

Bucky shrugged. ‘I don’t know. I feel safe around Natasha. And… the memories are coming back. I know how I felt about her. I know we loved each other, as far as one can love while doing what we did… it’s just going to take time.’

Natasha nodded. ‘Bucky has to get a handle on things. It’s good to see him, good to know him. I won’t have to forget him ever again. And as for me, I’m still sorting things out. I’ve been Natasha for so long… I need to find who I am, too.’

Bruce cleared his throat. ‘Well, my rates can be officially paid in premium teas, walks in the woods, and chasing Stark out of my lab every other day. Looks like I _am_ kinda that kind of doctor.’

Clint laughed. ‘You going to fall asleep on us, though? That’s the _real_ question.’

Bruce rolled his eyes and threw a bundle of yarn at Clint. This, of course, was Clint’s cue to throw purple and black knitted squares back, glee all over his face.

Natasha shook her head, amused, the silver arrow she always wore glinting at her throat. ‘Should have known the peace and quiet wasn’t going to last.’

‘We’re talking about Clint,’ reminded Bucky, chuckling. He leaned forward and kissed Natasha decisively on the nape of her neck.

Natasha smiled back at him.

Steve watched them both and liked seeing the soft look on Bucky’s face. He liked the way Bucky relaxed with Natasha cradled against him. He wished he had a pad of paper and some charcoal sticks. He wanted to draw them in that pose.

‘Ok, Ok, are we done picking on the archer, here? Because I thought this was supposed to be quiet and therapeutic and right up Bruce’s alley. Hey, Bruce, does the Other Guy like knitting?’ asked Clint.

‘He doesn’t mind it. He’s quiet. I think he gets lulled by the pattern of it all,’ mused Bruce, unrolling some more yarn and beginning a new square. His knitting needles clicked and clacked as he expertly purled the next row.

‘Huh. That makes perfect sense. Maybe the next time we need him to relax and you to come back, we just throw some knitting up to him,’ suggested Clint.

‘No, Clint, no,’ said Natasha firmly, her lips twitching.

‘Instead of ‘Hulk, Smash!’, it would be ‘Hulk, knit two rows, purl one,’’ added Clint, waving his knitting around.

‘Behave,’ said Natasha, pointing her knitting needle at Clint. ‘Or I’ll have Bucky hold you down so I can poke you with this.’

‘Uh, none of that, Ms Romanoff,’ said a new voice.

They all looked to see Tony coming into the room, Pepper behind him.

‘We all know what happens when you poke people with sharp objects. They fall down because they aren’t expecting to be _betrayed_ by their assistant,’ Tony continued, throwing his hands up in the air.

‘Well, so much for quiet time,’ called out Clint. ‘Stark’s here, put your knitting away. He’ll just mock our colour choices.’

‘I would never,’ began Tony.

‘Yes, yes you would,’ cut in Pepper. ‘Oh, are you knitting the baby blankets for the shelter? That’s so wonderful. I’ll want to see them when they’re done. We should knit a few things to auction off, sometime. I’m sure knitted items by the Avengers would fetch a good price for the scholarships we provide.’

‘Pepper, the last thing we want to do is cause a riot because Captain America knitted a… a… tea cosy,’ protested Tony.

Steve rolled his eyes and snorted. ‘I’m surprised you know what a tea cosy is, Stark.’

‘Shows you my knowledge base far surpasses yours, old geezer,’ snarked Tony. ‘Ow! Ow! Pep… that’s my ear,’ he yelped, tilting his head slightly.

‘Yes, yes it is. Glad you know your body parts, Tony,’ said Pepper, winking at the room at large. ‘We’re going to leave your team alone so they can knit in peace. I do believe you and I have a meeting to attend.’

‘Help. Distress call. Help,’ repeated Tony, grumbling as he straightened up. 

‘Sorry. Looks like the beacon’s busted, Tony. Better put in a repair call,’ said Steve with a straight face.

‘Hah, hah, Cap. All right, children. Play nice while mom and dad are gone,’ teased Tony with a quick grin.

‘We’ll try to be good,’ said Clint. He waggled his eyebrows. ‘Good being relative, of course.’

‘We’ll see you later, then. Thor is going to coax Jane and Darcy out of the lab tonight. Should we order some pizza?’ asked Pepper.

‘Pizza works,’ agreed Clint. 

‘That’s fine,’ added Bruce, nodding as he went on knitting. He barely looked up when Tony and Pepper came into the room. Steve had to admire his focus.

‘I’m in,’ said Natasha. ‘It’s easy enough and Jane will eat at least a couple of pieces before wanting to get back down to the lab.’

‘True enough,’ laughed Pepper. ‘Steve? Bucky?’ asked Pepper, looking between the two of them.

‘We could cook, you know,’ pointed out Steve. He hated ordering out too often; felt the pinch of poverty when Tony ordered a large amount of food and insisted on paying for all of it.

‘If this is bothering you, you can pay the delivery driver the tip, Rogers. I’m sure a signed photo of you would go over well, too,’ added Tony.

‘No, don’t want to go overboard. I’ll be happy to pay the tip,’ said Steve.

‘I’ll help,’ said Bucky. ‘I have some money, too. I can help.’

‘You don’t have to, Buck,’ protested Steve.

‘I don’t _have_ to, yes. But I want to. We can split it, fifty-fifty,’ suggested Bucky.

‘As charming as listening to you nonagenarians argue is, I gotta get going,’ interrupted Tony. ‘Figure it out. We’ll get the pizza and let you know what it costs so you can figure out a tip. Twenty percent is today’s normal amount. Fifty if you want a delivery driver to love you forever. Hundred if you want a blow job.’

‘OK… that’s quite enough out of you,’ said Pepper, sternly. ‘Tony, we’re leaving. Sorry about that, guys. He’s just… ‘ Pepper shrugged. ‘See you at supper.’

Bucky curled his lip at Tony and then gazed at Steve under his fall of hair. He’d kept it long. He liked to hide under it when he needed to and he didn’t want scissors anywhere near him for now. He just tied it back when he needed to but usually let it hang down over his shoulders and around his face. 

Steve raised an eyebrow but watched Tony and Pepper leave, Tony still protesting and Pepper shaking her head at him.

When they were gone, he turned back to Bucky. ‘What?’ he signed.

Bucky grinned happily and signed back. ‘Does he always have to go that extra step?’

‘Yes,’ signed Steve.

Clint signed to both of them, catching their attention with a wave of his hand. ‘Welcome to the Avengers. You’ve been punk’d by Tony Stark.’

Bruce giggled, a sound that startled a laugh out of Natasha and which had Bucky chortling. Steve and Clint were caught off guard as well and they exchanged bemused looks which quickly dissolved into giggle fits of their own.

This only caused Bruce to giggle some more which started the whole chain reaction over again. At the end, Bruce weakly held up a hand as one last giggle escaped him.

‘Stop… Stop… this isn’t part of my being zen plan,’ he protested.

Clint fell out of his chair as he lost it, laughing and rolling back and forth. Natasha snuffled laughter into the crook of her arm, her eyes sparkling. Bucky and Steve grinned at each other, enjoying the sounds of Clint’s laugh, Natasha’s failed attempt to quiet hers, and Bruce’s renewed giggling.

‘I think we better settle down or Jarvis is going to have thoughts about us,’ managed Steve.

‘Too late,’ said Jarvis, humour in his voice. ‘I’ve had many thoughts about you. This just confirms it.’

‘We’re doomed,’ whispered Bucky and he laughed, a laugh that came from the bottom of his feet to the top of his head. He hadn’t laughed like this in a long time and he could feel the worst parts of him peel away and disintegrate in the echo of his laugh. He laughed like he had all the time in the world.

Steve stared at him and grinned, feeling the grin stretch his mouth wide. He wished Sam had been there to see this. He couldn’t wait to tell him. For the first time in months, Steve felt the low spark of hope flare high inside his heart. Maybe he and Bucky would be OK. Maybe they’ll find their way home again.


	5. Two plus Two Equals... Five?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Steve messes up, he really messes up.
> 
> Lucky for him, he has Sam, Thor, and Clint to help him out.
> 
> Bucky and Thor play one on one basketball.
> 
> Nick Fury has a request.
> 
> Group Therapy for Superheroes? Maaybeee....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, I know Thor uses 'Son of' to denote someone like Coulson... but it just *fit* with Bucky and so I'm going to let it stand.
> 
> Like Loki, I do what I want...
> 
> Thank you so much for your continued support. I always do a little dance when I have comments and kudos... and to those of you who've bookmarked and/or subscribed, thank you so so much!
> 
> I haven't forgotten I'm writing a couple stand alone stories to go with this fic.
> 
> But in the meantime, enjoy this latest chapter! :)

It was a shock to Bucky’s system the day he walked into the family room (he called it that as well) and found Nick Fury sitting there, talking to Steve.

 

Steve looked up and smiled reassuringly. ‘Bucky… this is Nick. You haven’t had the chance to talk to him. He was one of the people who helped bring down HYDRA within SHIELD.’

 

Bucky shook his head. ‘You’re not dead… I shot you… I was supposed to complete my mission,’ he murmured, backing up.

 

‘You _did_ shoot me. I almost died. But. There was a plan. We needed HYDRA to believe I was dead so I could work behind the scenes. Don’t blame yourself. You did what you were told to do,’ said Nick, softly. He watched Bucky with concern.

 

Sam had come into the room behind Bucky and sized up the situation pretty quickly. ‘Buck… why don’t we take a walk,’ he suggested, frowning at Nick and Steve behind Bucky’s back.

 

‘I… I’m going to be punished,’ whispered Bucky, maneuvering to hide behind Sam.

 

And this broke Steve’s heart. His best friend, cowering behind Sam, waiting for punishment for failing to complete a mission. He wanted to move but he knew better than to make Bucky feel he was cornered.

 

‘No one’s going to punish you, soldier,’ said Nick in a steady, reassuring voice. ‘You did your job. If it’d been anyone else, any other situation, I wouldn’t be here in front of you. You did exactly what you were told to do.’

 

Bucky gazed at Sam, his eyes wild. ‘Can we… can we go?’

 

‘Yes. Yes, we’re going to go take a walk. We’ll come back later,’ said Sam, the unsaid words ‘if we come back at all’ implicit in his tone.

 

‘All right… all right, then. I’ll see you later,’ said Steve, forcing himself to stay put.

 

‘When you are ready, come talk to me,’ said Nick. ‘I’d like your thoughts on some things.’

 

Bucky nodded his head, glanced fearfully at Sam, and slipped out behind him.

 

Sam sighed. ‘Not a good idea, gentlemen,’ he said to them, coolly, and turned around to follow Bucky.

 

Nick chuckled when Sam and Bucky were gone. ‘He’s got a lot of nerve,’ he commented.

 

Steve nodded his head. ‘You didn’t see him when we went head to head against the Helicarriers. He had on his wings and it took Bucky to take him down. He did what he was supposed to do. He’s helping Bucky, now. He understands what he’s going through. Enough, anyway.’

 

‘I’m glad. I need to talk to Bucky, though. I need to verify some information,’ said Nick. ‘We’ve been taking down HYDRA cells left and right but of course, there are more. There are always more,’ he sighed.

 

Steve studied him. Nick looked exhausted. He still had the intimidating aura he carried about him like a cloak but he was frayed at the edges. His eye was bloodshot and there were dark circles beneath both of them. He carried himself as alertly as he could but Steve could sense the fatigue in the way he walked. He had sat down opposite Steve and seemed to sink into the couch with gratitude.

 

‘Are you staying here long?’ asked Steve.

 

‘Just an overnight. Stark insisted I talk to him tomorrow about some technology that might help out in the field. He’s putting me up in one of the guest suites,’ answered Nick.

 

‘Does this technology include any more vehicles?’ asked Steve shrewdly, grinning when Nick rolled his eyes.

 

‘Armour. A vehicle that far exceeds the one that got shot to hell,’ admitted Nick. ‘He kept his crowing to a minimum. He’s growing up.’

 

Steve snorted. ‘Never. He was just miffed they almost got you. He’s designing new wings for Sam. And something for Natasha, too. He takes it personal when his teammates get shot. Or targeted.’

 

‘Anything for you?’ asked Nick.

 

‘Nah. I have my shield. I’ve turned down any other weaponry he’s developed. But. I may have my uniform tweaked,’ Steve said with a grin.

 

‘Oh?’ drawled Nick, arching his eyebrows.

 

‘Yeah. Like I said, he doesn’t like it when his teammates get shot. And although Coulson helped redesign the uniform, there apparently wasn’t anything in it that would deflect bullets,’ said Steve, wryly.

 

‘It helps when brainwashed best friends don’t shoot you in the back, either,’ commented Nick.

 

‘True,’ admitted Steve. ‘I think we’re having tacos tonight. Thor mentioned something about tacos and burritos and Tony insisted on ordering authentic tacos and other Mexican food. Hope you have an appetite.’

 

‘Sounds good to me. I can’t remember the last time I ate something that wasn’t a MRE,’ said Nick, ruefully.

 

Steve smiled. ‘I’m going to go check on Bucky. Make yourself comfortable. I’ll be back in a bit.’

 

‘Please see if I can talk to him. HYDRA chose its name all too well. It indeed has hundreds of heads and I am getting sick and tired of chopping off heads only to discover a dozen more,’ muttered Nick.

 

‘I’ll do what I can,’ said Steve. ‘I can’t give you any promises. He’s been doing better, lately. But… we’ll see.’

 

Nick nodded. ‘All right. Thanks.’

 

Steve nodded and headed out.

 

**

 

Sam followed Bucky as he walked swiftly down the hall and then to the bank of elevators.

 

‘Where do you want to go?’ asked Sam, gently.

 

‘I...’ Bucky looked at him, his eyes conveying misery and confusion.

 

‘Would you like to go outside? Or do you want to go down to the gym?’ asked Sam. ‘If we go to the gym, Thor would be happy to meet you there to work out.’

 

Bucky lit up at the mention of Thor’s name. ‘Do you think he would?’ he asked.

 

‘I know he would. Jarvis, do you know where Thor is at?’ asked Sam.

 

‘Yes, Mr Wilson. He is currently at the lab with Doctor Foster. Shall I ask him to meet you there?’ inquired Jarvis.

 

‘That’d be great. Thanks, Jarvis,’ said Sam.

 

‘You’re very welcome,’ replied Jarvis. 

 

‘See? Thor will meet us there. You guys can do your level best to knock each other out. And I’ll be the cheering section. Sound like a plan?’ asked Sam.

 

Bucky tried out a smile. It was small and dipped down at the corners but it was still a smile. ‘Sounds like a winner to me.’

 

Thor was waiting for them when they walked into the gym. Sam took a seat on the bleachers while Thor twirled a basketball in his hands.

 

‘Son of Barnes! Falcon!’ greeted Thor, a grin on his face. ‘Come, let’s play the game of champions. I’d heard from the Hawkeye one this requires some talent and skill. Have either of you played this game before?’

 

‘I have,’ volunteered Sam. ‘I am not, however, getting onto the court with the likes of you two. I’d like to live a few more years, thank you very much. I will, however, sit and cheer both of you on.’

 

Thor smiled. ‘In my enthusiasm, I may crush you into ant-like bits. It’s best if the Son of Barnes and I challenged each other alone.’

 

Bucky had laughed and took off his hoodie. He walked onto the basketball court and faced Thor.

 

‘Who taught you to play?’ he asked Thor.

 

‘Hawkeye. And Steven,’ replied Thor. ‘They both cheat.’

 

Bucky snickered. ‘Don’t think I’m going to be much better,’ he warned Thor.

 

Thor’s smile only widened dangerously. ‘Don’t think I’m not better prepared this time around.’

 

Sam settled in with a smile. He’d played basketball plenty of times and knew his way around a hoop. He wasn’t, however, in the same league as Thor or Bucky when it came to body size and the ability to take any damage when jostling for the ball. He’d wait to play with Clint.

 

Thor started out with the ball, going down court with ease, keeping a wary eye on Bucky.

 

Bucky shifted his center of gravity so he was half crouching, waiting for Thor to come near him and the basket he was guarding.

 

In a move too swift for Sam to see, Thor maneuvered around Bucky and slam dunked the ball into the hoop with a whoop that rang through the gym.

 

Sam cheered and laughed when Bucky gave him the stinkeye. ‘I told you, I’m cheering for both sides. When you score a basket, I’ll cheer for you, too.’

 

Bucky grunted discontentedly but pivoted to catch the ball that Thor threw to him. 

 

‘Now, let’s see you come at me,’ taunted Thor.

 

Bucky grinned, showing most of his teeth, and feinted to the left, moving swiftly to the right and brought the ball down court.

 

Thor loped beside him, contenting himself with trying to knock the ball out of Bucky’s hands, laughing at the huffs of annoyance coming from Bucky as he went down the court.

 

Bucky stopped and threw the ball from the three point line, exclaiming aloud in Russian as the ball went in.

 

Sam dutifully cheered for Bucky, laughing when Bucky noticeably preened with the attention.

 

Bucky passed the ball to Thor who went on the offensive, running down the court, bouncing the ball as he ran, calling back to Bucky in Russian.

 

Bucky stopped in shock for a moment, then ran after him, yelling back, blocking Thor from making a clean shot.

 

He managed to slap the ball out of Thor’s hands and went scrabbling for it, muttering in Russian the entire time.

 

Thor laughed and hooked a leg around Bucky’s, sending him tumbling to the ground. He ran past him, scooping the ball up and making his way to the net.

 

Bucky tumbled gracefully, rolling to stand up again. He came after Thor with a vengeance, his body colliding with Thor’s as Thor lept to slam dunk the ball again.

 

The gym shuddered with the impact of their bodies falling to the wooden floor.

 

Bucky shook his head but staggered up again, clutching at the ball. Thor reached up, pulled Bucky back down, and wrestled with him, the ball forgotten to the side.

 

Bucky struggled, laughing as Thor poked at his ribs, and got away, rolling from Thor’s reach.

 

Thor sat up, pulling his hair away from his face. He grinned at Bucky, pulling up his t shirt to wipe his face.

 

Bucky leaned back, shaking his hair out of his face. He propped himself up with his metal arm, using his other hand to pull his own t shirt up and mop at his face.

 

‘What?? You two are done? That’s it? That’s the show?’ exclaimed Sam, waving his hands around in dismay.

 

Thor snorted. ‘Come on down and take us on, Falcon. We’ll see how long the show lasts, then.’

 

‘Hah! I’m not that foolish,’ retorted Sam. ‘I know when it’s my best interest to stay out of these rough and tumbles. I might end up in medical and I _hate_ ending up in medical. Can you imagine me trying to explain to the doctor? ‘No, I didn’t get injured in the line of duty. I was making my way down center court when a demigod slammed into me.’ I don’t want to even go there.’

 

Thor chuckled. ‘Fair enough.’ He turned to look at Bucky who was smiling faintly, watching the exchange.

 

‘What brought you to the gym, so heartsore?’ he asked, gently.

 

Bucky lowered his head. ‘I… I was supposed to complete my mission. I failed.’

 

‘Steven?’ asked Thor, who was caught up with those events.

 

‘No… the one eyed man. The man known as Nick Fury,’ said Bucky, trembling again.

 

‘I see. And you are afraid of retribution?’ asked Thor, his keen gaze studying Bucky.

 

‘Yes,’ whispered Bucky. ‘If I failed a mission… I’d get punished… and they’d take my memories away from me. I did my objective. I completed my mission. I shot Nick Fury twice through the chest. He fell onto the floor… he died. That man… he should not be alive. I failed my mission… I will be punished.’

 

Thor slowly, gently, took Bucky’s face in his hands, cupping him with gentle fingers. ‘You will not be punished. There is no one here who will punish you or take away your memories. You did what you were told to do.’

 

Bucky inhaled shakily. ‘But… he is alive.’ Thor patted Bucky’s face gently before taking his hands away.

 

‘Fury has more lives than a cat,’ came a new voice. Clint walked into view, slowly, letting Bucky see him before walking onto the gym floor.

 

‘He’s been shot before. He survived that, too,’ added Clint.

 

Bucky tilted his head. ‘He did? How do you know?’ 

 

Clint smiled grimly. ‘Because I was the one who shot him. I was… under orders to do so. It was outside of my own free will. But something must have known, something in me must have fought the control… because I didn’t complete what I should have. A shot to the chest, a shot to the head. I shot him in the chest and I left.’

 

Bucky stared at Clint. ‘Why… how…?’

 

Clint sat down next to him, nudging him with his shoulder. ‘I was under control of another being. It happened so quickly, I had no chance to stop it. He ordered me to shoot Fury so I did. And we left. As far as I knew, Nick was dead.’

 

Bucky’s eyes widened. ‘You, too? You know what this is like…?’ He gestured to his head, his face hopeful.

 

‘I do. I know what it’s like to do things I wouldn’t have done otherwise. I know what it’s like to be trapped inside… helpless and powerless. I know what it’s like to feel guilt and horror when I realize what I’ve done,’ whispered Clint.

 

‘How did you… how did you go on?’ asked Bucky.

 

‘I wasn’t coping in the best of ways, at first. I thought Coulson was dead. I learned of the agents I murdered and the innocents I killed as well. I… I was so sure people hated me… they thought I was a monster… I ran. I ran and ran and took on jobs that I thought suited me. Dirty jobs. Things I wouldn’t have done when I was right in my head,’ admitted Clint.

 

‘But you’re here, now,’ said Bucky.

 

‘I am. Nat found me. Brought me back. Brought me to Coulson who explained without any delicacy how much of an ass I was and how I shouldn’t assume what anyone thought of me. Then, I checked in with a good head doc. The same head doc who’s working with you. I’m better. Not all the way better but better than I used to be,’ explained Clint.

 

‘I want to be better, too,’ said Bucky, quietly. He nudged his shoulder against Clint’s who smiled at him encouragingly and nudged back..

 

‘You will be. It’ll take time. And there will be triggers. Like seeing Fury today. Why did nobody explain to you he was still alive and there was a whole thing going on?’ demanded Clint, anger in his voice.

 

‘Because I wasn’t thinking,’ said Steve, coming into the conversation and walking wearily towards them. 

 

Sam had scooted out of the bleachers and was sitting next to Thor, an arm across his back. He’d felt Thor stiffen when Clint began his story and wanted to provide physical support. The grateful look Thor shot him made Sam smile reassuringly and rub small, comforting circles in response.

 

‘It could have been done way better,’ said Sam, chiding, his voice gentle.

 

Steve hung his head. ‘It should have been. I’m sorry, Bucky. I… I messed up.’

 

‘It’s OK,’ began Bucky but Steve shook his head. He sat down next to Clint, giving him a reassuring squeeze on his arm.

 

‘It’s not OK. I messed up big time. I...’ Steve sighed. ‘I want things to be OK, Bucky. And by OK, I mean, I want **you** OK. And that’s not fair to you. You’re not gonna get well on my timeline. And I can’t treat you like everything is fine and you’re over it. I mean… I’m not over it,’ he murmured softly.

 

‘Steven,’ said Thor, compassion in his voice.

 

‘There are times when I feel like I don’t belong. Here I am but it doesn’t feel right. They call me a ‘man out of time’ and they are one hundred percent correct. I don’t belong here. I belonged to another generation, another era. There’s good things, now. Great things have happened in the time before then and the time now. But… I remember how things used to be and sometimes I want it to be then. I want to be back there with the Howling Commandos and Peggy and you, Bucky. You, most of all,’ confessed Steve.

 

‘I want that, too. I want to be that person again,’ agreed Bucky, his eyes on Steve.

 

‘It’s not going to be like that, though. That time is long gone and I lost it. I lost so much and I lost you then but you’re here, Bucky, now. You’re here and I’m so damn happy I just… I forget. I forget until I am reminded you sacrificed everything. People talk about Captain America but they should talk about Bucky Barnes. They should talk about you,’ said Steve.

 

‘There’s nothing to talk about. Do you know who I am?’ demanded Bucky. ‘I’m the Winter Soldier. I’m the asset. I’m the one who gets the job done, the mission complete. I’m nothing.’

 

‘That’s a lie. That’s what they forcefed you so they could control you. Sure, that’s a part of you but that’s not all of you. You’re James Buchanan Barnes. You’re my best friend. You’re the one I’ve missed all these years. You’re the one who could charm all the girls, could make everyone laugh, could make the shot. There’s more to you than what you were forced to be, Bucky. I know it, everyone here knows it,’ argued Steve. ‘Please. Don’t let them take this away from you, again. You’re you and you’re the person you are now. Not what you used to be and not what I might wish was. That’s done with and good riddance. I gotta get with the program, pal.’

 

Bucky smiled. ‘You always were kinda a punk,’ he commented.

 

‘Well, takes one to know one, then,’ said Steve back to him.

 

There was a comfortable silence as Steve leaned back on his hands and blew out a relieved breath.

 

‘Clint… who did that to you?’ asked Bucky. ‘Who took your will away from you?’

 

Clint’s eyes darted over to Thor and there was a mute appeal for understanding. Thor nodded his head, heavily, a fragile smile at the corners of his mouth. 

 

‘His name was Loki… he was intent on making Earth a gift for an invading alien army,’ said Clint, softly.

 

‘An invading… you mean to tell me I missed all that? A real, honest to goodness alien army?’ asked Bucky, looking to Steve for confirmation.

 

‘Yeah. An honest to goodness alien army out of a portal in the sky. It was… something else, Buck. You would have loved it,’ laughed Steve. ‘Your sci fi heart would have been amazed.’

 

‘It was amazing when it wasn’t terrifying or frustrating,’ agreed Clint. ‘We really became a team, then. We worked together. Nat closed the portal. Thor brought Loki back home.’

 

‘Wait… back home?’ asked Bucky, looking over to Thor. He studied him for a moment. ‘He’s someone to you, isn’t he?’

 

‘He was my brother. Adopted as an infant. Raised alongside me. He wasn’t told of his heritage until later. He’s ever believed to be unloved and unwanted… undesirable. It was not true. He was my brother,’ repeated Thor, softly.

 

‘What happened to him?’ asked Bucky, softly. He knew there was more to this than met the eye. He could feel the grief around Thor, the sadness that Thor sought to hide from everyone.

 

‘He died. When the dark elves tried to overtake Asgard, he fought along my side. To avenge our mother… he used his tricks and his cunning but it wasn’t enough in the end. He died and in the end, we won,’ said Thor, softly. He put his arms around his knees and hugged them to his chest.

 

‘I’m sorry for your loss,’ said Bucky. ‘I know you must have loved him, despite what he did. It has to be hard, to be torn like that.’

 

‘It is… it is something I don’t talk about. The warriors three would never understand. They grew up alongside us. They considered Loki a thorn in my side, something to be plucked out and discarded. In my foolish youth, when I first came here to Earth, I regarded him carelessly. He tore my friend’s mind apart. He tried to murder a good man. He tried to subjugate the earth and killed many people in his quest. For that, his punishment was just and I did not object to my father’s ruling. Yet I remember a young princeling at my side. I remember a boy whose skill at illusion and whose gifted tongue could sway worlds. There are two images I see, side by side and perhaps that is just. He projected illusions, after all,’ murmured Thor.

 

‘Thor… you know I do not blame you for what Loki did to me… you know that although my hatred for him is strong… I do not judge you by his actions. And I am trying to understand how you feel. I am trying to respect your grief,’ said Clint, sighing.

 

‘I appreciate that, Hawkeye. I know it’s taken you some time to get to this point. Which is why,’ said Thor, his voice becoming brisk. ‘It is so important for Bucky to heal the two sides of him. To be able to put together whatever he can and to be OK with what doesn’t fit. It isn’t necessarily an ill thing to have pieces that overlap or don’t quite fit.’

 

Steve frowned, thinking over Thor’s words. Bucky had tilted his head as Thor spoke, taking in what Thor had to say.

 

‘You said your mother...’ said Sam softly, recalling Thor’s words. He groaned at the grief in Thor’s eyes, the hurt that turned his face from the laughing warrior they knew to a being staggering with private loss.

 

‘She died. She died defending my Lady Jane,’ murmured Thor.

 

‘Oh… oh, Thor… I’m sorry. I...’ Steve trailed off. He remembered again, his mother dying when he was barely out of his teens. He remembered how it hurt for so long after, wishing he could talk to her again or smell the sweet rose water she used to splash on in the morning. 

 

‘Thank you, Steven,’ said Thor. He managed a small smile. ‘There was a beautiful ceremony. We sent her on her way as befitted a queen, a warrior queen. And when Loki heard the news, he was more than eager to avenge her. She loved him as much as I.’

 

‘Does anyone else know?’ asked Sam, keeping his hand on Thor’s back.

 

‘I haven’t talked about it, overmuch,’ admitted Thor. ‘The grief is still very fresh. I lost two people whom I have loved ever since I can remember. I am still… dealing with it, as you say, here.’

 

‘Take your time, Thor. No one here would begrudge you the time you need. And if we can do anything...’ Sam nodded at the others who all nodded back.

 

‘Thank you, Sam. It is good to be back amongst friends again. Heimdall said I can heal anywhere in the nine realms if I so wished, and after getting my father’s blessing, I came here to be with the Lady Jane and to be with my friends,’ said Thor.

 

‘I’m glad you’re here, Thor. I am sorry for your losses,’ said Clint, softly. He looked down and then looked up at Thor, his eyes bright. ‘It is always difficult to lose a loving parent.’

 

‘Thank you, Hawkeye,’ said Thor, reaching over to pat Clint’s knee.

 

Clint laughed. ‘Man, what is this? Support group time for fucked up super heroes? Because that’s what it looks like. I mean, look who I have around me. Captain America, man out of time. Bucky Barnes, who am I. Thor and my family has issues. And me, the hard luck kid from the shitty home.’

 

‘What about me?’ asked Sam, arching an eyebrow.

 

‘Have you lost anyone?’ asked Clint, jutting his chin out.

 

‘Uh…’ began Steve but Sam shook his head at him.

 

‘I lost my partner right in front of me on a mission, Clint. My grandma died when I was a teenager. My mom and dad were murdered. I’ve lost people,’ answered Sam.

 

‘Man… I’m sorry… Nat says I need to shut my yap, sometimes. When did you lose your partner?’ asked Clint.

 

‘Few years ago, now. Seemed like yesterday, though. I can still see him, still see his plane being blown apart. I was a paramedic. There was nothing left of him to save,’ said Sam.

 

Thor reached over and put his arms around Sam, holding him close. ‘You’re a good man, Sam Wilson. You counsel others who have been through what you’ve been through. You show them kindness and compassion. I see why Bucky is so at ease with you.’

 

‘I am, too,’ piped up Bucky. ‘You’re pretty swell, Wilson.’

 

Sam smiled and wiped at his eyes. ‘Thanks, Bucky. That means a lot to me.’

 

‘So...’ Steve cleared his throat. ‘Can I tell you about Nick? What happened?’

 

‘I… yeah. I think I’m OK, now. How is he still alive?’ asked Bucky. 

 

‘You shot him. There is no doubt about that. He was bleeding out on my floor. Two shots to the torso area,’ said Steve, calmly. ‘I got him to the hospital. He… he died. At least, it looked like he did. The scanners were flatlining. They defibrillated him. They called it. I was there.’

 

‘But what _happened_?’ pressed Bucky, leaning forward.

 

‘If it came down to that… they wanted everyone to believe he was dead. So they injected him with some stuff that let him be as close to dead as physically possible. Then, after we left, they whisked him away to a hiding place. A safe place where no one could track him down. Buck… he told me not to trust anyone. The only two people I could trust were Nat and Sam. That’s it,’ said Steve.

 

Bucky nodded his head. ‘So I did my job.’

 

‘You did your job. Like Nick said, any other time, any other situation and without the proper planning, he’d be dead. You didn’t know he had planned for this. But neither did I. Neither did Sam or Nat. So if anyone is getting punished for not knowing, they better include Nat, Sam, and I in on it. They better resurrect that son of a bitch, Pierce, too. Because he thought Nick was dead, too. Everyone in HYDRA thought he was dead. OK?’ asked Steve.

 

‘What does he want?’ asked Bucky.

 

‘He’s busy, Buck. He’s tracking down HYDRA cells. They chose their name well,’ said Steve, sourly. ‘For every one he manages to destroy, three or four more pop up in the databases and information he gets. He’d like to go over some info with you… see if you recognize any of these other bases or maybe know of places he doesn’t,’ explained Steve.

 

Bucky nodded his head. ‘Yeah… yeah, I can do that. Does he want to talk tonight?’

 

‘After supper, if you’re comfortable with it. I think it’d be good to have some food in our stomachs, first,’ suggested Steve.

 

‘Can Sam be there along with us?’ asked Bucky.

 

‘Ask Sam and see if he’s OK with it,’ reminded Steve, gently.

 

‘Sam… will you be there?’ asked Bucky.

 

‘Yeah… I’ll be there. You won’t have anything to worry about. Nick doesn’t want to punish you. He wants your help. Your _voluntary_ help,’ stressed Sam.

 

Bucky smiled. ‘And Thor? Can you be there, too? And you, Clint?’ he asked.

 

‘Of course I will. I will not allow anyone to harm you, Bucky. You’ll be safe,’ reassured Thor.

 

‘I’d be happy to,’ added Clint. ‘If you want me there, I’ll be there.’

 

Bucky nodded his head, happily. ‘Good. OK, then. I’ll meet with him.’

 

‘Thanks, Buck. He’ll really appreciate your time and any help you can give him,’ said Steve.

 

‘What’s for supper, anyway?’ asked Clint, curious.

 

‘Tony wants to treat us all to burritos and tacos and other stuff like that. He says he knows the best restaurant where they have the best tacos we could ever eat,’ answered Steve.

 

‘We’ll see what Bruce says about that. Bruce knows good food,’ retorted Clint.

 

‘Yeah. When Bruce was able to eat and not be on the run, sure, ‘agreed Steve. ‘But we’ll see. How does tacos sound, Buck?’

 

‘Sounds pretty good. Before we go, though… do we have time for another game of basketball?’ asked Bucky.

 

‘Did you not remember my comment about being breakable, Bucky? Like, you and Thor could bend me over your knee and break me like a baby twig,’ reminded Sam.

 

‘We can mix it up. You can be on my team. And maybe Steve,’ added Bucky.

 

‘That just leaves me and Thor, here,’ complained Clint.

 

‘Are you saying we’re too much for you?’ asked Steve, slyly.

 

‘No! I’m not saying that. I’m saying that’s three against two. I can do math, you know,’ said Clint.

 

‘It will be great fun to have them weeping in their tacos tonight, Hawkeye,’ rumbled Thor, a glint in his eye. ‘I believe we could take them on.’

 

‘Yeah? You think so?’ asked Clint.

 

‘I know so,’ said a new voice. They all looked up and Natasha walked toward them, a smirk on her face.

 

‘Oh, game’s on, now! We get Nat. Good luck, losers!’ cackled Clint.

 

‘He just called us ‘losers,’ Steve. We better show him who’s the winners around here,’ laughed Bucky, 

 

‘I’m game,’ said Sam. ‘As long as you guys protect me from the demigod, the master assassin, and the archer sneak over there.’

 

‘Hey! Don’t be giving any of my secrets away there, Falcon!’ protested Clint.

 

Natasha sighed, walked over, and picked up the basketball. ‘Are we done bickering? Because I believe there’s a game to play.’

 

The answering grins on their faces were all she needed to see.


	6. Sometimes a good chin wag makes a difference...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nick and Bucky talk.
> 
> Natasha heads out on a mission.
> 
> Much Wii game playing happens and the destruction of Wii controllers is imminent.
> 
> Tea, knitting, and a good long chat about all sorts of things are just what a fella needs...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My apologies for this being a day late! I've been super sick and ugh. But here you are!
> 
> I really appreciate the comments, kudos, and bookmarks. Thanks so much for reading and rec'ing this fic!
> 
> A chin wag is slang for a gossip session between friends. I really like that term so it's fun to use it here...

Nick Fury was a lot gentler with Bucky than Steve had expected. He kept his distance, answered Bucky’s questions about his apparent resurrection, and reassured Bucky he did what he was told to do. He showed Bucky files and maps and photos, pointing for clarification.

 

Bucky slowly relaxed as the meeting went on. He had loved the Mexican tacos Tony had ordered in and had consumed a great many of them. He also was fond of the Coca Colas that were still made with cane sugar. Between the two, he ate and drank his fill. 

 

‘So you think they moved all the important stuff out of here and brought it to another safe house?’ asked Nick, tapping at another place on the map.

 

Bucky picked up the map, studied it, and nodded. ‘Yeah. Whatever’s left of HYDRA, which is too much, is going to take their most valuable information and put it somewhere else. You have a good list of places but you don’t have all the safe houses and you don’t have the lab facilities.’

 

Nick made a face. ‘Lovely. So you’d say this information is about fifty percent complete?’

 

‘If I wanted to be generous, yes,’ allowed Bucky.

 

Sam and Clint exchanged glances. They both were fascinated and horrified by the reach HYDRA had throughout the world. It wasn’t just the obvious places such as Russia and different areas of the Eastern European nations. It was down in Africa and over to the Middle East. It was a lab in the heart of India and another in the rural areas of China. 

 

Nick cursed beneath his breath and leaned back. ‘You’ve helped a lot. Thank you. This information is a good start.’

 

Bucky nodded his head. ‘When are you going to go out again?’ he asked.

 

‘Tomorrow. That lab in India has me damn concerned and I want to go check it out. I need to see just how deep HYDRA is in that area and how many people are on its side before we do any moves,’ answered Nick. ‘This is where Stark’s fancy technology comes in handy. He’s finding new ways of surveillance so we don’t have to risk as many people’s lives. It’ll really be handy in India.’

 

Natasha stirred in the corner. She’d come down with them, settling in and listening. ‘Do you need me for this one, sir?’ she asked.

 

Nick nodded. ‘I think it would be beneficial. You still have some old contacts there, am I correct?’

 

‘Yes… I can set up a meeting or two. See what the climate is like. Get some more insider information. When do you want me there?’ asked Natasha.

 

‘Let’s get you going tonight. I can get you on a jet in an hour. You’ll have a half day’s start ahead of me. I’ll call a car to take you to the airport,’ said Nick.

 

Natasha nodded. She got up, went over to Bucky and held him to her, whispering into his ear.

 

Bucky nodded and stroked her hair, gently, before letting her go. 

 

‘I’ll see you guys later this week. I’ll check in once I get there,’ she said to Steve.

 

‘All right. Be careful, Natasha. Those guys aren’t playing around,’ said Steve.

 

Natasha smiled grimly. ‘Neither am I. Talk to you soon.’

 

She left the room, putting a hand on Clint’s shoulder briefly first, then walking to the elevator. They could hear Jarvis talking to her as he opened the elevator so she could go to her floor in the tower.

 

Bucky grabbed Nick’s arm, just short of triggering Nick’s fight or flight response. He looked at Nick, his eyes blank and his half smile nothing like the Bucky Steve knew when they were kids. 

 

‘Keep her safe, Nick. She is going into a region where anyone can be sold for the right price. Her contacts may still be trustworthy but they may have been offered something too good to pass up. If I hear she’s been hurt because I wasn’t listened to, I will come there myself. You don’t want me there,’ said Bucky, softly.

 

‘I’ll keep that in mind,’ said Nick. ‘Don’t underestimate her, though. Natasha knows the stakes and she knows what we’re up against. I’m almost feeling sorry for the HYDRA agents, there. Almost.’

 

Bucky smiled, a much more natural grin, and let go of Nick’s arm. He sat back and looked up at Nick. ‘Do you need me, too? I know that area… at least, I know enough of it.’

 

Nick regarded him with interest. ‘I didn’t think it would be wise to engage you again, Bucky. You’re still working things out in your head and that’s something I don’t want to interfere with… nor do I think it should be put on hold. You would be a great help. But. I want you to be as whole as you can, first.’

 

‘I could do it,’ bristled Bucky.

 

‘I never doubted that,’ said Nick, calmly. ‘You’ve been used as a pawn, an asset, a weapon for all these years. I would like to give you some breathing space before you head out into the field.’

 

‘So you can use him as a weapon again?’ asked a new voice.

 

They all looked up to see Tony walking towards them, a sharp smile on his face.

 

‘Stark...’ began Nick but Tony cut him off.

 

‘No… no, fabricating in my home, Fury. I won’t have it,’ continued Tony. He raised his eyebrows at the exasperated expression on Nick’s face. ‘Every one of us in this room has been used as a pawn. Or an asset. And definitely as a weapon, thanks to the Avengers Initiative. We are your big gun, Nick. You point us, we go bang.’

 

‘You having regrets about New York?’ asked Nick.

 

‘Other than I had to act like Wile E Coyote with a box of ACME dynamite that was gonna blow up in my face? Not at all. But the fact remains that you pointed us in the direction you wanted us to go. Or do I need to mention a certain set of trading cards?’ asked Tony, archly.

 

Nick sighed. ‘No… no, you don’t. You were our best chance for survival and the decisions I made then, I’d make again all over again. This is what I do, Stark. I make these calls.’

 

‘That’s great. You make the calls to send people out to die. Or to hopefully succeed. But don’t tell Barnes he’s not an asset to you or a weapon because that’s worse than HYDRA. They never made any bones about it,’ said Tony, flatly.

 

Bucky turned and gazed at Tony for a few minutes. He didn’t have the best relationship with Tony. His own history with Tony’s father was tricky enough and when the assassination of him along with Tony’s mother was added into the equation, it was extremely difficult for Bucky to move beyond the guilt he felt over it. He deprived Tony of a father and a mother. He understood that Howard was difficult to live with and his bond with Tony never developed. But he knew Tony’s mother cared for her son. He was the architect of her death and he didn’t know how to make it up to Tony.

 

He was surprised to see Tony defend him but grateful. He gave a tentative smile and his smile widened when Tony smiled back.

 

‘Look, just be honest with him. Tell him you would love to have him work for you. All that skill, that insider knowledge, just waiting to be tapped into? Can’t tell me you aren’t creaming your panties just thinking about it,’ said Tony.

 

Steve turned pink, Sam shook his head, and Clint snickered. Thor frowned, not knowing the context of Tony’s comment.

 

‘You always have to go that one extra mile, Stark,’ groaned Nick.

 

‘Tell me I’m not wrong,’ rebutted Tony, a gleam in his eye.

 

‘You’re not wrong,’ admitted Nick. He turned to Bucky. ‘Yes, you would be an asset to me. I’m not denying what Stark said was false because I would be a liar. I tend to like to keep things close to my chest, including what may or may not be falsehoods. I am not lying when I say I want you to be a little more put together. And I want this to be your choice. I’d like you onboard. But unlike HYDRA, I’m not going to make you.’

 

Bucky nodded. ‘OK. But if something goes wrong, here. I want to know. I want a plane waiting for me. That’s it.’

 

‘And no making shit up, Fury. Don’t get on Barnes’ bad side, here. You don’t want him flying to India and Natasha is just fine, riding on the back of an elephant during her free time. I think Steve and Sam would have something to say about that type of maneuvering,’ put in Tony.

 

‘And me,’ added Clint, folding his arms and staring at Nick.

 

‘I would be most displeased if you were to lie to someone as true as Bucky Barnes,’ said Thor, pinning Nick down with what Tony called his ‘princely gaze.’

 

Nick waved his hands around. ‘All right, all right. I hear you loud and clear. Got yourself some powerful friends there, Barnes.’

 

Bucky turned and looked at everyone, his smile broadening as they agreed with what Nick said.

 

‘OK, I better get some shut eye. Gotta be up at the ass crack of dawn and on the way to India. I’ll keep you posted. Bucky, if you have any more thoughts or info, please pass them on. I’ll be most appreciative,’ said Nick.

 

‘Will do,’ responded Bucky.

 

Nick walked with Tony to the elevator, talking quietly to him while waiting for the doors to open. Tony had glanced over at Steve and then turned his attention back to Nick. He nodded once and walked back to the group when Nick went into the elevator.

 

‘What was that about?’ asked Steve.

 

‘Oh, just some last minute tweaking about the tech he’s taking tomorrow. Part of the reason Natasha is going to be safe is because I gave her some tech a week ago,’ revealed Tony. ‘I knew she’d be going back into the field sooner or later. I wanted to be ready for it.’

 

‘Thank you,’ said Bucky, quietly. His shoulders slumped with relief. 

 

‘Anyone up for a game of Wii sports?’ suggested Clint, after taking a good hard look at his teammates. Thor was fine as was Sam. Bucky looked worn around the edges and Steve and Tony didn’t look much better. 

 

Thor perked up. ‘Aye. Shall we do the archery contest?’

 

‘Why do you do this to yourself? Every time we play that game, you end up losing and the remote gets thrown to the floor and then we have to go buy a new one. This is a very old ritual,’ chided Clint.

 

‘But it is so very satisfying to trounce you with the sword fighting,’ grinned Thor.

 

‘You weren’t supposed to tell anyone that!’ cried an aggrieved Clint.

 

‘There is no shame in dueling honorably,’ replied Thor. ‘You have always fought well. Just… not as well as me.’

 

Clint rolled his eyes. ‘Thanks… I think.’

 

‘How about we put in ‘Super Smash Brothers Brawl’?’ asked Sam. ‘I think that’d be a lot of fun, too. Have you played that, Thor?’

 

‘I have not. What is this smashing you speak of?’ asked Thor, curious.

 

Sam grinned. ‘Oh, you’re gonna love this game, Thor.’

 

*****

 

Bucky was tense around the tower until Natasha had communicated with them all via a secure line. She looked tired from the combination of jet lag, stress, and picking out which of her former associates were still willing to deal with her. 

 

She smiled when she saw the team all gathered together to talk to her. Tony had put the session on the projection screen so they all could sit in relative comfort and take turns talking to Natasha.

 

‘Are you doing OK?’ asked Steve, taking the team role as leader. That and he could voice what they all were thinking.

 

Natasha sighed. ‘I’m doing alright. A couple of my associates are still willing to speak with me so there’s been some productive conversations. I should be back home in a few days. There isn’t much more for me to do around here.’

 

Bucky leaned forward and murmured to Natasha in Russian. Natasha smiled at him and replied back. They conversed for a few minutes and at the end, Bucky nodded his head and Natasha looked amused.

 

‘You missed the big excitement the night you had to go. Thor broke two Wii remotes. Sam won in ‘Super Smash Brother Brawl.’ Tony kept using Pikachu because he claimed they were soul buddies. And Thor stuck with King Dididi because of the hammer. Naturally,’ said Bucky.

 

Thor looked abashed. ‘They are indeed wee pieces which break easily in my hands. Tomorrow, Clint and I are going to go buy two new ones.’

 

Natasha chuckled and settled more comfortably in her seat. They could see she was sitting in a high back chair but that was about it. The camera on her tablet framed her face and neck and they could see the arrow necklace peeking through the gauzy fabric of her cotton shirt.

 

‘You just want an excuse to browse in the electronics section,’ teased Natasha.

 

‘It is fascinating. Tony has told me that whatever I find there, he has something even better. So I just look and then tell Tony what I like best,’ said Thor, blissfully.

 

Tony shrugged. ‘What? If Thor wants a tablet, do you honestly think one of those piss poor ones will stand up to his use? Nope, he gets a tablet that can handle occasional electric shocks.’

 

‘That makes sense,’ commented Sam. ‘Fury giving you any problems, Natasha?’

 

‘He’s too busy to give me any problems,’ retorted Natasha. ‘I get the information he needs and that’s the last I see of him unless he wants more information or needs me to explain something. I’m hoping this goes very well. There could be some things left over in this safe house that would help aid Nick. Here’s hoping, anyway.’

 

Bruce had been sipping tea, listening to the flow of conversation. He was seated to the left of Tony, his cup held in his hands. Now, he leaned forward. ‘When you get back, do you want to go get some more spices?’ he asked.

 

Natasha nodded her head. ‘Definitely. We need to check out that new marketplace up the way, I’d heard they had some new stalls and new merchandise.’

 

‘Sounds like a plan. Just… be careful, Natasha,’ said Bruce, softly.

 

Natasha gazed at him fondly. ‘I’d actually feel sorry for the people holding me. I know Tony can get a private jet in less than an hour and you’d all be on it. I’m being careful but it’s good to know you are watching my back.’

 

They said their goodbyes then and Natasha blew them a kiss before logging off. There was silence for a little while and then Bucky stretched and said he wanted to go down to the video games and would anyone else like to join him?

 

Thor immediately volunteered, his face brightening with expectation and to no one’s surprise, Clint was also game. Tony declined, instead choosing to go down to the workshop to tinker on some more ‘spy vs spy equipment’ as he put it. Steve looked at Sam who shook his head, no. Steve regarded him thoughtfully and then told the others he was going to stay put. Bruce suggested a knitting session and Sam and Steve were agreeable.

 

Bruce excused himself and came back with his knitting bag. Sam had gotten up and started heating water for tea. The others headed out to their various destinations.

 

‘What would you like tonight?’ asked Sam as he opened up a cupboard door and gazed at the neat containers of tea lined up, Bruce’s careful hand writing on gold foil labels. The labels indicated what teas were what and Sam picked out a delicate green tea with lavender for himself.

 

‘I wouldn’t mind some of that,’ said Bruce, pointing to Sam’s choice.

 

Steve wandered over and perused the selection before choosing a chamomile tea. 

 

‘Big rebel, there,’ teased Sam. ‘Better be careful or you’ll fall asleep in your tea while knitting.’

 

‘I just might,’ sighed Steve. ‘Bucky’s been having some rough nights, again… as you know,’ he reminded Sam who nodded his head in agreement.

 

‘He’s been worried about Natasha?’ asked Bruce. He had set the knitting bag down and walked into the kitchen to lean against the breakfast bar.

 

‘Yeah. Worried about her. Remembering his missions with her and their relationship from before. He alternates between guilt and horror and a little sentimentality. Some part of him allowed himself to be fond of her at the very least. He isn’t sure what to do, now,’ said Steve, turning to the stove and removing the whistling tea pot. 

 

‘How are you doing with all this?’ asked Sam.

 

Steve turned around and shrugged. ‘I’m doing alright. I know Bucky’s still working through stuff and he’s still seeing the head doc. It’s not going to be OK overnight. But it’s getting better.’

 

Sam rolled his eyes. ‘That’s not what I’m talking about, Steve. I’m not unobservant, you know.’

 

Bruce took off his eyeglasses and vigorously rubbed the lenses on the front of his shirt. ‘I’m not oblivious, either. I just didn’t want to bring the subject up.’

 

Steve got out tea balls and gave one to Sam and to Bruce. He opened up his container and scooped some leaves into his tea ball with practised ease. Sam and Bruce did the same with theirs.

 

‘I didn’t say you were unobservant,’ said Steve, dropping his tea ball into the hot water in his cup and gazing down at it.

 

Sam dunked his tea ball up and down before speaking again. ‘You ever talk to Bucky about your relationship?’

 

‘Uh… what?’ asked Steve, his forehead crinkling slightly. 

 

‘Just… ever told him you wanted to date him?’ asked Sam, gently.

 

Emotions chased over Steve’s face before he forced himself to look at Sam and Bruce with as blank an expression he could manage.

 

‘What good would that do? He’s sorting out his feelings for Natasha. Think it’d be fair to spring that sort of thing on him? He doesn’t need that,’ responded Steve.

 

Sam snorted. ‘Don’t be his nanny, Steve. He can decide what he needs and doesn’t need. He’s already done a lot of work on establishing boundaries and making requests. Obviously, we’re against seventy years of brainwashing as well as punishment for being autonomous but we’re making progress. If James had any feelings for you, they’re probably still around. He just hasn’t talked about it, yet.’

 

‘And he doesn’t have to,’ said Steve, firmly. He looked at Sam and shook his head. ‘If he never brings it up, then he doesn’t. That’s OK.’

 

‘You know,’ said Bruce, conversationally, his tone deceptively mild, ‘I made the decision to leave someone because I didn’t want them endangered by the other guy. I didn’t want her death or serious injuries to be on my conscience. I told her that it was her I was thinking of when I refused to make our relationship permanent.’

 

‘What did she say?’ asked Steve. He could see the grief in Bruce’s eyes and noted the slight tremble in his hand as he removed the tea ball from his cup and set it in the sink.

 

‘She told me I was being insulting and presumptuous. Also, I had no business making her decisions for her and if I was that much of a coward to skulk out because I was afraid of something happening… then she didn’t want to be with me. She didn’t want to live in fear or feel like she had to hold her breath. She believed it would be OK. I did not. I know the other guy much better than she thought she did. It would not have ended the way we wanted it to,’ said Bruce, softly. He raised his cup up to take a drink and hide his expression.

 

‘You guys wanted a family?’ asked Steve.

 

‘Yeah. It would have been nice to have a family and raise children who were loved and wanted. It would have been good to be a dad and do the sort of things I dreamed of when I was a child. But it wasn’t meant to be. She’s doing well, I know. I do keep up with her achievements and I’m very proud of her. It just… wasn’t meant to be,’ said Bruce.

 

‘I’m sorry,’ said Sam, moving into the living room with his cup. Steve and Bruce followed, cups in hand as well.

 

‘Thanks. I am, too. But what I’m trying to say here, Steve, is this isn’t the same thing. You don’t have to hide what you feel and you certainly don’t have the right to make decisions for Bucky,’ said Bruce.

 

‘And,’ added Sam, sitting down and putting the cup on the side table next to him. ‘You don’t want to treat him the same way he’s used to being treated. Having important decisions made for him. Keeping things from him. That’s not the road you want to go down.’

 

Steve closed his eyes and nodded his head. ‘Yeah… you’re right. I… I want him to be happy,’ he whispered, looking at Sam and then Bruce. ‘I want him to live a happy life, here on out. He’s paid his dues. He should have the life he wants.’

 

‘What if he wants you?’ asked Bruce. ‘What if he wants you and Natasha?’

 

Steve raised his eyebrows. ‘That’s… doable?’

 

‘It is. If the people are all in the know and all want it. It’s a lot of communication and boundary setting but it’s worth it when it works out in the end,’ said Bruce.

 

‘Huh. I gotta think about this. I’ve heard of it but I never thought that would be something for me,’ said Steve.

 

‘Maybe you could talk to Bucky and Natasha about it,’ suggested Sam, rummaging in Bruce’s knitting bag and coming up with a dark red yarn and knitting needles.

 

Steve shrugged but his face was thoughtful when he looked up after choosing a light grey yarn and holding the knitting needles expertly in one hand.

 

‘I don’t know how to even begin that conversation,’ Steve admitted.

 

Bruce laughed. ‘Yeah. I can’t help you there. But you can sit them down and talk to them, individually. See where they’re at. Then go from there.’ He was busy at work with his knitting needles, the gold metallic thread glinting under the overhead lights.

 

‘How did you know?’ asked Steve after a few minutes of contented silence. He was quickly finishing off his square and was getting ready to start a new one. 

 

‘Just… you guys were close and I could just feel it. Also, I have gaydar,’ confessed Sam.

 

‘What exactly is this ‘gaydar’?’ asked Steve.

 

Bruce bit back a laugh but Sam hooted a little as he purled the next row of the shawl he was making for Pepper.

 

‘It’s a term we use for knowing if someone is queer,’ explained Sam. ‘Queer as in gay or lesbian or bisexual or transgender. But the gaydar part can also be about knowing someone’s sexuality… why they are attracted to and who they like.’

 

‘Huh. Isn’t queer a bad description, now?’ asked Steve.

 

‘Depends on who you are talking to. For kids of today, nope, it’s not. For people of certain older generations, it’s still something that’s looked at as offensive. I try to keep that in mind when I’m talking to someone. Each person has their own terminology for that,’ said Sam.

 

‘OK. So you thought I was gay?’ asked Steve.

 

‘I wasn’t sure. And I got the same feeling from Bucky… but I don’t know and I’m not about to make any assumptions that might not be true. I don’t out anyone, that’s a fact,’ said Sam, firmly.

 

Steve nodded. ‘OK. But just so you know, I consider myself bisexual. I mean, I like ladies and guys are all right… if we’re going with using correct descriptions and all.’

 

Sam stared at him a moment and then laughed. ‘All right, fair enough. So yeah, you and maybe Bucky but like I said, I’m not sure. And it’s not cool to out someone. That’s their choice and their job, not anyone else’s.’

 

‘I get that. Huh. I’d have to ask Buck cos he always liked the girls but you know, we lived near the docks and not like we didn’t know about the guys who were on the streets for the sailors and we had some gay guys living around the area and all. But I never saw him go out with a guy,’ remembered Steve.

 

‘You’ll just have to talk to him, then. Get this all sorted out. I might be wrong. It’s not my life,’ said Sam with a reassuring smile. ‘At the very least, you’ll clear the air.’

 

‘Yeah. And you, Sam? Are you...’ Steve let the word hang delicately in the air as he continued knitting.

 

‘Queer? Yeah. I’m queer. I can appreciate a woman but I am very much attracted to men. I always have been,’ said Sam, candidly.

 

Steve picked up his tea cup and took a thoughtful sip. ‘I’ve always liked boys and girls. Peggy… Peggy has been the one for me and always will be. Bucky… Buck and I were together ever since we were kids. The friendship came first and the attraction came later. There wasn’t any time to talk about that and after I rescued him… and then we went after HYDRA, it’s not like we had a lot of free time to talk.’

 

‘And then all that other stuff happened and fast forward and here we are, sipping tea and knitting and talking about sexuality. That’s got to be one for the history books,’ mused Sam.

 

Bruce chuckled. ‘That’s summing it up pretty neatly.’

 

Steve concentrated on knitting for a few minutes and then put his square down and looked at Sam. ‘Can I ask you something?’

 

Sam looked up, smiled, and set his knitting on his lap. ‘Sure. You’ve got that earnest look on your face so it’s something important.’

 

Steve blushed. ‘Well, it’s probably none of my business but… you ever had a fella?’

 

Sam chuckled. ‘I had a few. Had a boyfriend back in high school. Hung around a few guys during basic although that wouldn’t technically be considered boyfriend stuff. Remember, Cap, this was before Don’t Ask Don’t Tell got repealed and before that. Those of us who were queer had to be careful.’

 

‘It shouldn’t matter,’ said Steve, pressing his lips together. ‘A soldier’s a soldier. We all bleed the same and we all die the same.’

 

‘Don’t I know it,’ said Sam, ruefully. ‘The men I saved and the men I lost all bled the same colour. Their sexuality sure didn’t come up when I was trying to stop them from bleeding out on the sand. Most of us didn’t care. We all looked the other way when needed.’

 

‘You ever serious with a guy, though? Like, thought maybe you’d stay together and build something?’ asked Steve.

 

Bruce had paused in his knitting, watching Sam with curious, compassionate eyes. He thought back to Betty and what he wished he could have built with her and grimaced at the ache that swelled inside.

 

‘Yeah… I figure maybe you’ve read between the lines when I talk about Riley and me. He was such a… He loved to make jokes and rile you up. He was always talking about something. Some new thing he learned or something he’d heard about. Pilots chatter, of course, but Riley was in a whole league to himself. He and I clicked right away. We met and I could feel that spark,’ said Sam, softly.

 

Bruce reached over and put a hand on Sam’s shoulder and squeezed.

 

‘Thanks… when we got around to being kinda serious, we talked about what we’d do after we did our twenty. You know, those dreams of living the good life with the pension you’d earned and having a house, a brand new car… I’d maybe go back to school… Riley would maybe fly a commercial plane. That sorta thing. We made plans, laughed at ourselves, got more outrageous and laughed until we couldn’t breathe. But in the end, we decided we’d move in together somewhere… we’d figure it out from there,’ continued Sam.

 

‘I’m sorry,’ said Steve, feeling and looking as though that was inadequate. Sorry didn’t cover the huge emptiness between then and now. 

 

‘Thanks, Cap. When he died, I felt something in me die, too. He was the star to my moon. I might have been the one that he gravitated towards but he was the one who shone. He blazed like you wouldn’t believe and I’d look at him sometime and wonder how the hell I got so lucky. What did he see in me, this lil’ moon with nothing special to brag about. I wondered that a lot. He saw something, though… kinda feels right he went out like a shooting star. I saw his plane go down, burning like a star through the sky,’ said Sam, wiping his eyes.

 

Steve got up, got a kleenex box, and set it down near Sam, patting him gently on the back before returning to his seat.

 

‘He’d have liked Bucky. I know it. Those two would have made more mischief than they’d know what to do with. They are two of a kind, aren’t they? Stars that shine so damn bright, it hurts the eyes. I’m glad he’s back for you, Steve. Moons weren’t meant to orbit alone,’ said Sam, wiping his eyes with a kleenex.

 

Steve decided if he had anything to say about it, Sam Wilson would stay in his own personal galaxy the rest of his life. He glanced over at Bruce and could see the same look on his face. He wondered, briefly, if the other guy felt the same way. 

 

‘You ever want to date again?’ asked Steve. ‘Maybe find another star to shine next to you? I know it wouldn’t be the same and I’m not saying you could ever replace Riley… but maybe, you know, someone who can hold their own?’

 

Sam shrugged. ‘Maybe, someday. I’m not in any hurry. My life is exciting enough as it is, now. I have super soldiers, plural, around me. I live in a billionaire’s tower. I go out on missions to hunt down bad guys and take care of the good guys. I still need to get that weekend support class going at the local VA. And I have to visit my family in Harlem. Whew. Look at all that.’

 

Bruce and Steve chuckled, along with Sam. ‘That’s quite the list,’ agreed Steve. ‘We appreciate having you on the team, too. You add some badly needed levity.’

 

‘Somebody’s got to try to balance out Stark,’ said Sam, his mouth twitching before he gave up and grinned.

 

‘Wait until Bucky gets his feet under him again… then we’re _all_ going to be in deep trouble,’ warned Steve.

 

The men all groaned in unison and picked up their knitting, the only sound for a few minutes of needles clicking and clacking.

 

‘You’ll talk to him, though, won’t you, Steve?’ asked Sam.

 

Steve didn’t even try to pretend he didn’t know what Sam was talking about. ‘Yeah. I better use my famous courage for something, huh?’ 

 

‘Good luck,’ said Bruce. He sipped the last of his tea and frowned into his cup before setting it down.

 

Steve sighed. ‘Thanks, guys.’

 

They knitted until Thor, Bucky, and Clint joined them after a couple hours’ diversion on the game systems Tony had set up a floor down. After too many nights of listening to them make enough noise to rival the Bronx Zoo’s monkey house, Tony had installed a projection screen along with all the game consoles ever produced a floor down. Peace reigned ever since.

 

Clint was grinning in triumph, Thor was looking distinctly guilty, and Bucky was as relaxed as Steve had ever seen him.

 

‘Not only did I beat Thor in archery, of _course_ ,’ began Clint, ‘But I also managed to beat his ass in sword dueling. I am the mighty mighty champion.’

 

Steve looked at Thor who was still shuffling his feet, somewhat. ‘What happened? How many controllers do we have left?’

 

‘Two,’ replied Thor, gloomily.

 

Steve gaped. ‘Two?? We had six at last count.’

 

‘No, it was eight,’ supplied Bucky helpfully, a smirk on his face.

 

‘You broke six controllers for the Wii?’ asked Sam, awe in his voice.

 

‘They are wee things, indeed,’ explained Thor, again.

 

‘How’d you do with the games, Buck?’ asked Steve.

 

At that, Clint lost his grin and Thor regained a happier expression on his face.

 

‘I got to challenge the winner to a game of my choice,’ replied Bucky.

 

‘Oh, no… what game was this?’ asked Steve, almost afraid to hear the answer.

 

‘’Duck Hunt,’’ said Bucky, glee in his voice.

 

‘Clint’s an archery expert, not a shooting expert,’ pointed out Bruce, his mouth quirking up in an amused smile.

 

‘I’m well aware of that. Which is why I chose it,’ replied Bucky.

 

‘How’d it go?’ Sam asked Thor who at this point was quivering with excitement and the need to get his own back from Clint.

 

‘Clint broke the gun controller,’ Thor managed to choke out before losing it in great laughs of almost hysteria.

 

‘Wait… what?’ asked Sam.

 

Bucky allowed himself to grin wider than Steve had seen in a long time. ‘He got frustrated by the dog.’

 

‘That dog is a menace,’ muttered Clint.

 

‘Yeah… you’re a menace,’ returned Bucky.

 

‘Apparently to gun controllers,’ put in Bruce with a sly smile.

 

Bucky was startled, then he smiled back at Bruce.

 

‘I’m headed to bed,’ said Sam, stretching. ‘I’m almost done with this shawl. And I got some running to do tomorrow morning.’

 

‘Yeah, think it’s about that time,’ agreed Clint. ‘I’ll run with you tomorrow, if you’d like.’

 

‘Yeah, that sounds good. See you guys,’ said Sam and they waved back at him as he turned and walked away, Clint accompanying him.

 

‘Bruce?’ asked Steve.

 

‘Oh. I gotta head down to the shop. Check up on Tony. I’ll see you guys around,’ said Bruce. He opened up his bag to put his knitting things in it. Steve grabbed Sam’s mostly finished shawl and put it in there and his squares and knitting needles.

 

‘Thanks, Steve,’ said Bruce, nodding to them before picking up the bag and his empty cup and leaving the room.

 

Steve picked up his and Sam’s and walked over to the sink. He quickly washed them up and put them on the dish drainer to air dry.

 

Thor bid them goodnight and headed down to Jane’s science lab. She was in the middle of a breakthrough with the bridge she was building and hadn’t been seen for days. Thor made sure to feed her and coax her to bed so she’d be able to continue the work she did.

 

Steve and Bucky looked at each other.

 

‘You think we should join Sam and Clint tomorrow on their run?’ asked Bucky, already knowing what the answer would be.

 

Steve grinned. ‘Yes. I want to see if I can lap him a few more times than last week,’ he said.

 

Bucky chuckled and they walked to the elevator together.

 

‘


	7. Bend the Knee

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky discovers a side of himself that he'd thought was long gone... buried beneath the Winter Soldier.
> 
> Bruce gains a new lab assistant; Tony pouts.
> 
> And Steve... Steve and Sam have a heart to heart talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading this and I really appreciate all your comments, kudos, and bookmarks. It makes my day!
> 
> As always, thanks to my awesome beta for his fantastic work... any mistakes are mine and mine alone!

It wasn’t Bucky’s _intention_ to slip into Bruce’s lab. He still couldn’t be around anything that reminded him of before. The lab only triggered memories of pain and cold and nothingness. When Tony took a look at his arm the first time, it was on the rooftop where Bucky could look at the sky and feel the warmth of the sun. Tony was sometimes smart like that.

 

But here he was, sidling into the lab like a spooked deer, his curiosity driving him more than his fear. He’d heard Bruce talking about losses the other day. 

 

‘Bruce… why don’t you call her? Why don’t you see if she’d like to visit the lab, maybe talk a little?’ asked Steve.

 

Bruce shrugged. ‘It’s too late for that, Steve. I appreciate it but… I’ve cut my losses. No matter what else happens, the other guy is still going to be there and Betty doesn’t need that. Her father still wants me as his own personal lab rat and I… I’m not OK with that. I want to be left alone. I want to do my scientific things and publish in journals.’

 

‘Do you need to leave the tower?’ asked Steve.

 

‘No… I’m safer here than I would be somewhere else. Everyone might know where I am at but nobody is getting through the security to kidnap me. Tony would go ballistic,’ commented Bruce. Bucky could hear the wry grin in his tone.

 

Steve chuckled as well. ‘OK. But… maybe you should reconsider. If Betty came here, she’d be safe from any outside influences, too. And you guys could at least build a friendship again.’

 

Bruce smiled. ‘I really appreciate that, Steve. But like I said, it’s over. I’m going to leave her to live her life. I’ll deal with the loss in mine.’

 

Bucky now was fascinated by what he saw in Bruce’s lab. It looked on the surface like the places he’d been a prisoner of, but upon closer inspection it was very different. Bruce had holograms of the different experiments he was working on. They were set around his lab on tables, rotating slowly so Bruce could study them at will.

 

Instead of a chair to confine someone (him, the asset, the Winter Soldier), there were large screens set up where Bruce could tap on them to get information, to write on, to type on a keyboard that would put the words up where he wanted them.

 

Bucky lost more of the fear; the part of him that always loved science fiction came to the fore, instead. He wandered around, looking at this screen and that, bending over to study a hologram more thoroughly.

 

Bruce watched him, quietly, sitting in the corner. He didn’t doubt Bucky knew exactly where he was but he wanted Bucky to acknowledge him when he was ready.

 

Finally, Bucky looked up and over at Bruce unerringly. ‘Hi,’ he said, an easy smile on his face.

 

‘Hi there,’ greeted Bruce. ‘Any questions?’

 

Bucky shrugged. ‘I’m not sure I’d understand your answer. I’ve heard you and Stark talk. I think it’s the same language I speak but I’m not one hundred percent sure.’

 

‘We do get involved, don’t we? Tony speaks on a whole different level when it comes to science and engineering. He understands things most people only read about in science fiction books. It’s been nice to talk to him or Dr Foster and really get into the science of a subject,’ said Bruce. ‘But it’s always nice to talk about other things, too. If you’d like an explanation, I’m pretty sure I can tell you about it without us having to break out the big dictionary.’

 

Bucky laughed. ‘Maybe some other time. I… I was wondering if you’d have time to talk a little.’

 

Bruce raised his eyebrows. ‘I can make the time, sure. Anything wrong?’

 

‘No… nothing’s wrong. Sorry! I just…‘ Bucky paused and sighed. ‘I heard you and Steve talking the other day. I’m sorry. I wasn’t eavesdropping, I just heard a little of what you were saying and I was wondering something.’

 

‘That’s OK. If I wanted to be private, I could have asked Steve out somewhere else or in the lab, here. There’s nothing to apologize for but thanks,’ reassured Bruce.

 

Bucky nodded his understanding. ‘You ever look at something you’ve done and realized it ruined so much? But then you also remember you weren’t in control. But it… it doesn’t seem to matter. Because it’s your hands and your actions and...’ Bucky’s voice trailed off and he looked at Bruce.

 

Bruce nodded his head. ‘That’s the hardest thing for me. I’ve been working on communicating with the other guy. Steve’s been really good about that, too. He tells the other guy things he can do to help. It’s still destructive but it’s useful and no one is hurt. At least, not anyone who isn’t trying to hurt us. When I let go of my control, when I slip the leash off, I understand that each time is a risk.’

 

‘You worry if you’ll regret it?’ asked Bucky, softly.

 

‘Yeah. I worry if this is the time I accidentally kill a bystander. Maybe this is the time I can’t be talked down by teammates and I go on a rampage. Maybe this is the time I end up in a new place, not sure of how I got there or what happened. It’s always there,’ said Bruce.

 

‘How do you control it?’ asked Bucky.

 

‘Control the worry? The anxiety?’ asked Bruce.

 

‘Yeah. The fear, too. I don't want to hurt anyone. I don't want people to worry if I am going to switch back... be that asset again. I don't want to be but I know accidents can happen,' answered Bucky.

 

Bruce nodded. 'I very much understand that. You know, I do what I can. I remind myself I am in control of me. This isn't my childhood and I am not helpless anymore. Neither are you. You aren't under anyone's control but yours. And you work on strengthening that control every day.'

 

'Sounds easy enough,' commented Bucky, raising his eyebrows wryly.

 

'Yeah. Sure does until something happens that triggers you and you are wondering what the hell happened and how did it fall apart that quickly. But you pick yourself up and go on. That's the best anyone can do,' said Bruce.

 

'That makes sense. I appreciate your time, Bruce. Thank you,' said Bucky, smiling at Bruce without any of his usual caution.

 

'Anytime, Bucky. And if you wanted to talk science or were interested in learning what some of the advances have been, let me know. Between Jarvis and myself, we can fill you in,' invited Bruce.

 

'That would be kinda neat,' said Bucky. 'That way, the next time Tony tries to get on me about being an old geezer who doesn't know a thing about the modern day, I can give him what for.'

 

Bruce laughed. 'It would be my pleasure to help you give Tony a dose of his own medicine. Just last week, there was this new article written about astrophysics that Dr Foster shared with me. See, there are these little things in outer space...'

 

Bucky listened, fascinated, as Bruce explained and with Jarvis's help, recreated an image that had him gasping in awe and delight. He felt even more of the Winter Soldier slough off of him, peeling away like skin he'd outgrown. Bucky could get used to this feeling.

 

*****

 

Bucky and Bruce raised their heads when Steve came through the lab door. Bruce was walking Bucky through an equation and Bucky was doing the math and using the scientific calculator Bruce had provided.

 

'Hey, what are you two doing? You missed lunch,' Steve told them, grinning. He was thrilled to see Bucky finally comfortable around Bruce. 

 

'We did?' asked Bucky, his eyes wide. 'Geez, I got all caught up with the science stuff Bruce was telling me. Then, he asked me how far I got with math and he showed me some math I could learn. I could get caught up on a lot of science and math, Steve!' 

 

'You always had a head for math. I don't think it'd take you long at all to learn from where you left off,' said Steve.

 

'Bruce said he could set me up with some lessons and Jarvis said he'd be happy to help me if Bruce is too busy. I can come sit in the lab and do homework and study,' said Bucky, happiness in his voice.

 

'That's great, Bucky! I think you'll like it a lot. You might even want to go on with school. Enroll at a college,' suggested Steve.

 

'You never know,' said Bucky. He frowned slightly. 'You think I can do this? You're not pulling my leg here, are you, Steve?'

 

'Absolutely not. I know you can do this. So does Dr Banner,' said Steve, using Bruce's title deliberately. 'He's a busy man. He wouldn't offer to teach you or invite you to his lab if he didn't think you could do it.'

 

Bucky nodded. 'All right, then. I'll do it. Imagine, I could go to school. Maybe be an engineer or something.'

 

'That and you can use the GI Bill. The army owes you a lot of back pay and I know Tony would be willing to help out if needed. Money would be the least of your problems,' said Steve.

 

'Huh. Imagine that. I could get a degree. Maybe help out in the lab or something,' said Bucky.

 

'You could do that now, if you'd like. I wouldn't mind someone I can trust to help with things. Keep equipment clean and things in their proper place. I'm sure you could do that easily,' said Bruce, smiling encouragingly at Bucky.

 

'I... that would be swell. When would you like me to start?' asked Bucky.

 

'I don't want you to miss your therapy appointments and I don't want to overwhelm you. Let’s start with an easy schedule. Also, if you are having a hard day, just tell Jarvis to let me know. I understand hard days. You can always come back the next day. Then, there's the question of pay,' added Bruce, winking at Steve.

 

'Pay?' Repeated Bucky.

 

'Yeah. You're not going to work for free. I'll double check with Dr Foster what the going rate is for entry level lab assistants. You'll earn your keep,' teased Bruce.

 

Bucky's delighted smile lit up the room. 

 

***

 

Bucky’s life fell into a routine he was comfortable with and couldn’t quite believe he was living. Two days a week he saw the doctor who helped him sort things out in his head. He knew he might not get everything unknotted but he was getting better at knowing which memories were his Bucky memories and which were his Winter Soldier memories. He was more at ease with the Bucky memories. He was working on not feeling the guilt and shame for the Winter Soldier ones.

 

Three days a week, he helped out in Bruce’s lab for a couple hours a day. He helped put equipment away, cleaned lab supplies, and once he was shown how to do it, ordered supplies for Bruce each week. 

 

Two days a week, he went to class at the local community college. He wanted to start from the beginning and work his way up. He enrolled in three classes; writing, remedial algebra, and biology. He liked sitting in Bruce’s lab with his books, writing and studying, listening to Bruce mutter to himself in the background.

 

Tony was thrilled he’d gone back to school. He pouted a little when he learned Bruce had ‘snatched Bucky away from him’ but researched the pay Bucky should receive as Bruce’s lab assistant. He made sure money was set aside for Bucky and earmarked for his work.

 

Steve was happy for Bucky. He saw the shadows that lurked in Bucky’s expression lighten considerably. He walked with the remembered air of the Bucky from long ago. Steve knew this Bucky wasn’t his old Bucky but he was OK with that. He thought this Bucky was just as fascinating and wonderful.

 

Today, Bucky was sitting at the breakfast bar, slurping down a bowl of cereal at an alarming rate.

 

Steve wandered in and looked over at him. ‘What the… what’s your hurry, Buck?’

 

‘Sorry. Bruce is expecting a special shipment and I want to be there to help unpack things and get them put away. I have a paper due tonight that he’s helping me with and I need to study for a test. It’s all sorts of everything going on right now,’ explained Bucky, drinking his coffee down in one fast gulp.

 

‘That is a lot going on. Do you have time to spar later on?’ asked Steve.

 

‘Ah, geez. I’m sorry, Steve. I really want to do well on that test so I gotta study tonight and tomorrow… could we spar after the test is done?’ asked Bucky.

 

‘Sure thing,’ said Steve easily, disguising the disappointment in his voice and face.

 

‘Great! I gotta go, here. I’m going to wash this up quick and I’ll see you later. Stop on down if you want later on,’ invited Bucky, moving to the sink with his bowl, spoon, and coffee cup. He quickly washed the bowl and spoon and refilled his coffee cup.

 

‘Yeah… I can do that… I’ll see you later, then,’ said Steve. He managed a smile when Bucky threw him a quick salute as he headed out.

 

Steve sat down at the breakfast bar, moodily staring down at its surface. He was happy for Bucky. He felt like a heel for the resentment that rose whenever Bucky was too busy to do something with him.

 

He looked up when Sam placed a coffee cup in front of him, filled to the brim with coffee.

 

‘Thought you could use this,’ he said, gently.

 

Steve sighed. ‘I’m pathetic.’

 

Sam’s lips twitched. ‘Well, maybe not pathetic but I’d say you’re working some hard stuff out there, aren’t you?’

 

‘Is it petty of me to be happy Bucky doesn’t have time for anyone else, including Natasha? It’s school this or work that or tutoring with Bruce the other… Bruce sees Bucky more than any of us do these days,’ said Steve, softly, tracing the edge of his coffee cup with his fingers.

 

Sam’s eyes were compassionate and warm as he regarded Steve. ‘No, it’s human,’ he told him. ‘I know you’re happy he’s adjusting well and I know you’re glad he isn’t thinking of himself as the Winter Soldier half as often… but you still want to hang out with him and that’s understandable,’ said Sam.

 

‘I feel like a jerk. It’s great that Bucky’s doing stuff he talked about a little when we were kids. And he’s really come a long way since we first found him,’ said Steve. He hunched his shoulders together. ‘It just… it feels strange.’

 

‘Were you thinking you were going to be rooming together in a small apartment again? Just you and Bucky against the world?’ asked Sam, gently.

 

‘Sounds kinda silly, doesn’t it? Like I’m doing what I shouldn’t be doing, which is thinking how I wish things were the same like they used to be. That’s not healthy, I know. It’s not going to do Bucky any good by going back to what we used to be. And we can’t even _be_ that, anymore. I’m not the skinny, sick kid and he’s not my best pal without a scratch on him. I think the thing is,’ continued Steve, sitting back and sighing, ‘Is I thought, for the longest time, that if my best friend was with me, I’d be OK in this new world.’

 

‘It’s a lot to have to deal with, though. Fast forwarding into the future like this,’ agreed Sam.

 

‘Yeah. And I feel like a real jerk because I now _have_ Bucky with me. And I still feel like I don’t belong! And that’s not Bucky’s fault… not his fault he’s adjusting better than me. I just feel out of place. Again. Like I did before the serum. Poor Steve Rogers, tagging along with Bucky Barnes. Actually, poor Bucky Barnes, putting up with that useless punk Steve Rogers,’ said Steve, trying to smile but grimacing instead.

 

‘Whoa… whoa… I think it’s time for the big guns to come out,’ said Sam, holding up his hands.

 

‘What do you mean?’ asked Steve.

 

‘Remember when I asked what you were doing to help yourself adjust? If you were talking to anyone or anything and how that went over like a lead balloon?’ reminded Sam.

 

‘Yeah… I remember,’ said Steve, cautiously.

 

‘I think you need to reconsider. Look at what’s been going on, Steve. You come out of ice, a short while later, you’re leading a team of misfits against an alien army, then not too long after that, you’re part of a huge mess that involves taking down the agency you thought you knew. Throw discovering your best friend isn’t dead after all, and hey, he’s now the assassin known as the Winter Soldier into the mix, and that’s just a whole lot right there,’ recounted Sam.

 

‘Look. you haven’t had a moment to decompress… hardly any time to stand down. What would you say to a fellow soldier if they were put into those circumstances? What would you tell them?’ asked Sam.

 

Steve smiled wryly, the corners of his mouth curling up slightly. ‘I’d tell them they’d better get a load off their feet and their minds. They gotta be ready for anything and if their head’s somewhere else, they’re gonna get themselves hurt or killed.’

 

‘And the only reason that hasn’t happened to you is because of that super serum stuff. Otherwise, you’d be in the hospital still, from our little skirmish on the helicarriers,’ said Sam.

 

‘I’d be dead, maybe. Bucky wasn’t fooling around,’ said Steve, wincing.

 

‘So are you too good for your fellow soldier? You not willing to bend a knee when you need to bow out?’ asked Sam.

 

‘No,’ said Steve. He stared intently at Sam. ‘You’re pushing pretty hard. You normally don’t. I’ve seen you in action at the meetings. You’re always there with a soft voice and a gentle word or two. This hasn’t been particularly gentle.’

 

‘No. Because I know you’re breaking down and you can’t afford to break down. It’s not because you’re Captain America. The hell with that. It’s because you are a man who’s been put through a great amount of stress in a very short amount of time. Any other person would be curled up into a ball by now. But you keep at it, even when your mind is telling you to take a damn break,’ said Sam.

 

Steve sighed. He looked down at his coffee cup and then up again at Sam. ‘I’m not one to ask for help.’

 

‘I know. That’s why I’m the one offering it. Got some people I trust you’d like. They’d treat you like Steven Rogers, the man, not Steven Rogers, Captain America. Which means they’re not going to let you get by with any bullshit, either,’ warned Sam.

 

Steve nodded. ‘I thought it’d get better with time… thought with Bucky here, I’d feel solid again. I feel like I’ve been walking through a fog. I don’t feel like I belong anywhere, anymore.’

 

Sam nodded his head. ‘I remember that feeling. After Riley died, I was walking around in this fog. I barely ate, could hardly sleep. I kept seeing the picture over and over in my mind. Him dying. Me, screaming out loud and in my head. I couldn’t just run to him… I had to wait, had to dodge the firefight going on, had to stop and triage some others… and when I reached the wreckage, it was flaming, burning. I couldn’t do anything. I knew he was dead. I knew he didn’t survive. But I wanted to get him out of there. I didn’t want him cremated in that damn plane.’

 

Sam took a sip of coffee and sighed. ‘So there I was, like the walking dead. I talked when talked to, did my job like I was supposed to, and woke myself up in the night, screaming for Riley. When it came time for me to re up, I didn’t. I came home, stateside, and holed myself up in my room for a few months. Lost more weight. Had nightmares every time I closed my eyes so my sleep was shot, too.’

 

‘Who talked to you? Got you to get some help?’ asked Steve.

 

‘One of my old crew stopped on by. He wanted to see how I was doing. He took a look at my empty, sterile apartment and looked at me and was like, ‘what the ever living...’ Yeah,’ Sam cracked a grin along with Steve. ‘So he sat me down, talked to me, got me to cry a little and to really open up. Then, he brought me to the guy who helped _him_ get his head on OK. I was in that office for a year. Twice a week at first, then once a week, then a once a month check in. All that time, my friend stops by. He makes sure I’m doing OK. We go for walks, then we start jogging, then we start running. It took me a while but I finally could live again.’

 

‘That sounds kinda nice,’ said Steve, wistfully. ‘Living again.’

 

Sam nodded. ‘You’ve been on ice for too long, Cap. We got you out physically but you’ve been frozen inside for a long time. Let’s take care of that, too. You trust me?’

 

‘I do,’ said Steve.

 

Sam felt the thrill run through his body but he pushed it down. Priorities and all. ‘Thank you for that. Let me make the calls. I’ll introduce you, let you see how you like it and who you like. I’m here for you, Steve.’

 

‘I appreciate that. Well, gotta get back into the game,’ said Steve.

 

‘No, Cap. You’ve always _been_ in the game. It’s time for you to take a time out. The game will still be here when you’re ready,’ corrected Sam.

 

Steve looked away for a moment, his brow furrowed in thought. ‘OK. Call in the pinch hitter. I’m taking a break.’

 

‘I’m glad. I’ll get back to you in a day or two. In the meantime, just take it easy on yourself for being a human being. Super soldier body is one thing but you’re still dealing with a lot of emotions. Cut yourself some slack,’ said Sam.

 

Steve drank some coffee and pushed back his chair. ‘I’m going to go down to the gym. Thank you, Sam,’ he said.

 

‘Always,’ said Sam with a soft smile. He watched Steve walk out of the room and sighed. It was time to call in some favours.


	8. Baby You Can Drive My Car

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Insomnia isn't a super soldier's best friend.
> 
> Bucky seeks out Tony's company in the wee hours of the morning and gets more than he bargains for: tactical consulting, fast cars, and being asked about his attraction to his fellow roommates at the tower.
> 
> Of course, Tony started it all but Bucky's gonna' finish it...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one was a lot of fun to write. 
> 
> Thanks to my wonderful beta, Librariandrew for all the hard work.
> 
> Thanks for the kudos, bookmarks, comments, and subscriptions... I really appreciate it!
> 
> Enjoy!

Bucky woke up from a dream that quickly dissolved into a half-remembered mish mash of colour and sound. It wasn't a nightmare, exactly, but it made his skin prickle, anyway. He rolled out of bed and glanced at the clock on his nightstand.

'Two in the damn morning,' he muttered to himself as he pulled on a t shirt and wandered out of his bedroom. 

Bucky poured himself a glass of water and drank, feeling a little better after he soothed his parched throat. 'Jarvis, is anyone else awake?' Asked Bucky.

'Only Sir,' replied Jarvis. 'Shall I tell him you are awake?'

'I'll go to him. Is he in his workshop?' asked Bucky.

'Yes. I'll let you in when you get down there.'

Bucky thanked Jarvis and walked out of the suite he shared with Sam and Steve. Just down the hall, he went into the elevator and Jarvis brought him down to Tony's workshop.

Tony looked up when the door slid open, saw Bucky, and asked Jarvis to turn down the music. He walked over with a slight smile and his hands full of wires and panels.

'You saved me,' he said to Bucky. 'I've been working on this for the last three hours. I need a break.'

'Didn't think you took any breaks,' said Bucky, eyeing the wires with fascination.

'I don't when I am working and things are going well. This is the opposite of going well. I'm about ready to throw these in the bin but I'd only get mad at myself later on when my brain finally figures it out,' continued Tony. He walked over to his work bench and set the mass of wires and boards down carefully.

Bucky walked over to where a version of Sam's wings were set up, the wings open and looked poised for flight.

'These are the final new wings for Sam?' asked Bucky.

'Yeah. I can't have him being pulled down in mid flight by a super soldier assassin when he's on a mission,' replied Tony, dryly. 'I'm working on a version that allows him to either send a jolt of electricity to whomever is trying to pull him down or to shear off whatever it is that is around the wing.'

'What if they use a net?' asked Bucky, curious as he stepped closer to study the pack that held the rocket that gave Sam his flight.

Tony stared at him for a moment, then snorted. 'I see it's a tactical advantage to consult with you when I'm improving the team's weaponry and equipment. Good point. I'd thought of that briefly but wasn't sure it was important.'

Bucky bared his teeth in a not smile. 'If I wanted him alive, I'd use a net. Or something that would let me capture him. Like a stun gun.'

'We don't have those just yet. We _do_ have tranq guns, though. I'd better work on some armour for him that's light and won't compromise his ability to fly or maneuver. Looks like I'd better put you on the payroll as a consultant,' said Tony.

Bucky shrugged. 'I'm happy to help. Steve has a mission with Fury next week. They're going to hopefully take down a large HYDRA installation north of Bosnia. Then they go onto another base that's in the middle of Russia. That one ought to yield some interesting evidence.'

'Anyone else going with them?' Asked Tony as he picked up a soldering gun and went to work on the wings.

'I think Natasha and Clint are meeting up with them for the big one in Russia. Sam can't because he has some stuff to do at the VA. I'm helping him with that,' replied Bucky.

'You have all the intel, I see. Jarvis, did you know all of this?' asked Tony.

'I don't kiss and tell, sir,' said Jarvis, loftily and Bucky grinned at the exasperated look on Tony's face.

'Of course you knew. I can only be consoled by the knowledge that Rhodey does not know all these things. He'd never let me live it down. So, what can I do for you?' asked Tony.

Bucky startled. 'I'm sorry. What?'

'It's a time in the morning when all good Russian super soldiers should be in bed. And don't you have an exam coming up?'

'That's not until next week and Bruce says I have it. We'll go over some more stuff a couple days before. I feel pretty good about it. I'm going for an 'A' overall,' confided Bucky.

'Got some high standards there, Barnes,' commented Tony, approval in his voice.

'Yeah. I like doing well in class. Bruce says I have potential as a scientist or engineer. He and I are looking at colleges that would let me earn a Bachelor's degree in a couple of fields. There are a couple good ones here in New York. Then there's a college or two in Boston,' said Bucky. He hid a smile as Tony immediately came out from behind the wings and stared at him.

'Are you pulling my leg, Barnes? Did Banner tell you where I went in high school?' asked Tony.

'No. Jarvis did. And the internet helped. You were really a boy genius, weren't you?' asked Bucky.

Tony shrugged. 'I did well enough.' As Bucky scoffed at Tony's off handed attitude, he stiffened when Tony added, 'What does Rogers think of all this?'

'What do you mean?' asked Bucky, his voice low.

'You're so busy reinventing yourself and believe me, I know that when I see it... and you are doing your damndest to leave the past you in the dust. So what does your best friend think of it? Does he feel like he's being left behind?'

'Why would he think that? I haven't...' and Bucky trailed off because how many times in the past week did he tell Steve he didn't have time to spar or hang out? He was either too busy studying for a test or working on homework to do much else. He also worked in Bruce's lab and had help from Bruce when he needed it. He was still seeing his therapist twice a week though they were going to cut down to once a week, soon.

Still. He hadn't paid close attention to the look on Steve's face the third time he turned him down and he barely noticed that Steve was out of the tower more often. Bucky could see there was a distance that had grown between him and Steve; a chasm he'd created.

Tony nodded at the look on his face. 'Yeah, see, it took me almost losing Pepper to see I was pushing her away because I had to prove myself to... to someone who wasn't around, anymore. I was so focused on not being who I used to be that I lost sight of who I wanted to be and who I wanted in my life. I realized I was doing as much damage to myself by shutting out the people I cared about. And that in my quest to protect the one person I loved, I almost lost everything, including her.'

'It's not like that with Steve and me,' protested Bucky. 'He never acted that way towards me... we were pals. We looked out for each other. It was always me and Steve against the world.'

'Yeah, note the "was" you used. That's not how it is, now, is it? Sure, when Steve did his version of bringing the spy in from the cold, it was like old times again. But now that you are moving forward, seems to me you're leaving your pal behind without a second thought,' said Tony.

'That's a shitty thing to say, Stark,' said Bucky.

'You can't handle the truth? I thought you were made of stronger stuff than that,' gibed Tony. 'I bet you haven't paid much attention to Steve the past couple of weeks. I figured something was up when he started seeing that therapist Sam recommended to him. Funny how _I_ out of everyone noticed Steve was leaving the tower at regular times. When I asked Jarvis what was going on, he told me to talk to Sam. So I did.’

‘And?’ ground out Bucky, his hands clenched into fists.

‘Sam very kindly told me I should mind my own business but I told him that when it came to Cap being in one sound mind when we did our Avengers thing, it kinda was my business, too. He just said Steve was getting help. I’m a smart boy, I can put two and two together,’ said Tony. He rounded the other side of the wings and set the soldering gun down on the workbench, clearing a space.

‘Are you sure you came up with four and not five?’ muttered Bucky.

Tony flashed him a grin. ‘I know my math. I’ve been watching, see. You’ve been making good progress, Barnes. That’s commendable. But in the process, you’ve forgotten about your fellow soldier. Steve isn’t very complicated in some ways. He likes to do things a certain way. He likes things that were familiar to him long ago. It must be a shock to his system to see you blazing your way in this strange new world, and he’s been left behind.’

Bucky shook his head. He could still hear Steve tell him, ‘to the end of the line.’ He could still see Steve signing that to him in ASL, a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. He never doubted Steve’s loyalty. 

‘I never meant to leave him behind,’ said Bucky, quietly. He sighed and slumped slightly, leaning against the workbench.

Tony leaned against the other side, crossing his arms over his chest. ‘You know, I give Steve a hard time about his need to keep things from the past in his present. He listens to old time music. He likes to wear shirts that I’ve seen in photographs. But I understand, a little. I’m glad he brought you back… glad there was enough of the Bucky inside of you to remember Steve by.’

‘I’m not that man, anymore. I was until Zola got his hands on me and then I lost that person entirely when I was remade into the Winter Soldier,’ said Bucky. ‘It’s like looking at a photograph of myself when I was a kid. I kind of remember that but it’s been so long. I don’t think I’d get it right, even if I tried. And I don’t think I want to be that man, anymore. That Bucky died a long time ago.’

‘I think Steve gets that. He’s been working on the whole ‘you’re good enough just the way you are’ Fred Rogers bit. He really is happy you are finding your way, Barnes. Don’t get me wrong. It’s just… he’s having a hard time right now. I’d like to think there’s something of the old and something of the new inside of you who gives a damn,’ said Tony, softly.

Bucky flinched. ‘I do… I **do** give a damn. It’s still overwhelming for me, you know. I mean, I might look like I’m getting the hang of it but there are days when I just need to sit because the world’s spinning around me and I’m dizzy. Half of the stuff people are used to still puzzle me. I get a lot of the pop references because I was out some but I was mostly focused on my missions and I was put back on freeze as soon as I was done. I’m happy as hell to work again and not have it be something that requires me to take someone’s life.’

Bucky pushed himself off the workbench and paced, running his human hand through his dark hair in agitation. ‘I knew Natasha back then. I trained her, I went with her on missions. It was easy to go from pretending to be a couple to being a couple. The part of me that was still Bucky loved her. It was easy to love her. And then… it was easy to forget what could happen when we allowed ourselves to feel. We forgot what they would do to me. I lost her in white noise and electricity and pain.’

Tony made a soft noise that was empathetic and understanding. He started fiddling with the wires on the workbench, untangling them with careful, agile fingers.

Bucky stood next to him, carefully removing the metal panels from the wire strands, setting them aside one by one. 

‘Finding her again is like finding something precious that I thought I lost forever. My only good memories during that time were of her. Moments we shared that were not killing. I know Natasha’s smiles when she’s happy, dancing with the flush of accomplishment on her face. I know the smile she saves for those she cares about. She’s graced it upon Clint and Steve and Sam. She smiles at you like that, too. You might not notice it but she does,’ said Bucky, his mouth curved upwards.

Tony snorted. ‘I think you’ve been jolted one time too many, Barnes. Something in your neurons got wired sideways.’

‘Perhaps,’ allowed Bucky, his smile broadening at Tony’s chuckle. ‘But I know what I know. And Natasha and I always fit together. I don’t know where we are going with everything but to just be around her and not have to worry about being forced to forget her again is a gift.’

‘Boy, shopping for your Christmas and birthday gifts are going to be easy as pie, aren’t they?’ mused Tony. He smoothed out the last of the wires and started sorting them into colour categories, checking the coding on their plastic casings.

‘Probably. Steve and I didn’t have money to do Christmas or birthdays real fancy. I’m still getting used to getting paid every couple of weeks. Of course, I’m still shocked over how expensive things are, now. It’s easier to pay for something that wasn’t available in the forties. I don’t have a comparison,’ said Bucky.

‘That makes sense. This is why you let Clint or Natasha or I take a look at what you want to buy. We’re not going to let you or Steve overpay for anything,’ said Tony.

Bucky stacked the metal plates neatly on top of each other and set them aside. ‘Thank you. I wouldn’t know if I was paying through the nose for something or not. I know I have a lot of money in my savings account. And Pepper explained to me that it was all being invested so I wouldn’t have to worry about money at all. And then, I’m getting paid every two weeks so it’s not like… I mean, if I was being taken for a ride, it wouldn’t hurt too bad.’

Tony grinned. ‘You gotta save your pennies for a rainy day. So you can splurge a little but still be frugal. I get that. Well, OK. I mean, I kind of get it. I’ve never had to be frugal so...’

Bucky laughed. ‘I kind of got that,’ he told Tony. ‘Just by looking around your place here and all. Do you know you have a whole floor for exercising? And a swimming pool? And an archery range?’

‘I do? Well, I must since you know of them. I know I listened to everyone’s input when I remodeled the tower and I insisted on certain luxuries. Did you take a look at the cars yet?’ asked Tony.

‘Not yet… uh, what is so special about the cars?’ asked Bucky.

‘What is so… you wound me, Barnes. Truly, deeply, wound me. The cars are all special edition cars. I have a collection of some of the most expensive cars money can buy because I like having nice things that I can take out for a spin every now and then,’ said Tony.

‘You have… sports cars?’ asked Bucky. 

‘Yeah. High performance, limited edition sports cars. Do you like driving fast?’ asked Tony, a wicked grin on his face. He had his suspicions since Steve was something of a speed freak and liked to drive his motorcycle at high speeds and had taken a couple of Tony’s cars out for a spin.

There was an answering gleam in Bucky’s eyes. ‘I like roller coasters. That ought to answer your question, Stark.’

‘Well, come on, then,’ said Tony, gesturing as he called for Jarvis to open up the elevator to the garage. ‘We’re going to answer your need for speed.’

**

Tony was right; he had eight of the most beautiful cars Bucky had ever seen in his life. They gleamed under the lights and Bucky wanted to drive every single one.

‘Let’s take out the Maserati. That one’s got a little kick to it,’ said Tony, watching Bucky with knowing eyes. ‘You know how to drive a stick shift?’

Bucky snorted. ‘Get in. I’ll show you how to ride the rails, Stark.’

‘Careful, there, Barnes. Gonna make all the kiddies jealous of me,’ retorted Tony with a grin. He slid into the passenger side and glanced over as Bucky got comfortable in the driver’s seat.

‘Just so you know, I’ve only let one other person drive me around like this,’ said Tony. He put his seatbelt on and stretched his legs out before him.

‘Who was that?’ asked Bucky, expertly gunning the engine and driving the car forward, towards the opening as the door slid up from its hidden place.

‘Steve. Man drives like a demon. I imagine you’re the same,’ commented Tony.

Bucky shot him a grin full of adrenaline and joy. ‘I’m worse,’ he warned, putting his foot on the pedal and shooting out of the garage, letting out a whoop of happiness.

Tony laughed as they drove out. ‘Here, take a right… we’re going to go out on the freeway and run with this.’

Bucky followed Tony’s direction and as they left Manhattan behind them and sped onto the freeway, he said, ‘So is there a reason why you brought up Steve and me?’

‘Steve and you as in… like a couple?’ clarified Tony. He had called Jarvis up on the computer screen on the dash and was sorting through music to play.

‘Yeah. Is there something you know I don’t know?’ pressed Bucky, expertly shifting from fourth to fifth gear as the road cleared out in front of them. It was in the wee hours of the morning and while there were trucks on the road and some cars and SUVs, the traffic was light. Bucky intended to take full advantage of that.

‘No,’ said Tony. ‘I have no idea. All Jarvis says is either talk to Sam or talk to Steve. Traitor. I ought to loan you out to the community college for them to practice code on,’ continued Tony, addressing Jarvis.

‘Indeed, sir,’ replied Jarvis, serenely.

Tony sighed and Bucky chuckled. ‘So if there _is_ anything, I got nothing,’ groused Tony. ‘Jarvis might know something and Sam sure as hell does but I get this whole talk about boundaries and respect and I can’t stand it when Sam gives me that _look_.’

Bucky nodded his head, wisely. ‘Ah, yes. That look. The one that says he is so disappointed in you and he knows you have much better judgment than what you’re displaying at the moment?’

‘Yes, yes, that one. Or the other one which is, ‘I understand you’re having a hard time right now but empathy and compassion is good.’ I think Clint almost broke under it the last time Sam gave him that particular look,’ said Tony.

‘Sam is a blessing and a menace,’ commented Bucky. ‘I’m glad you’re making him new wings. Then he can swoop down and look at the bad guys in that way he has. It’ll make missions a lot easier.’

‘Yeah… so if Steve really wants to play ‘don’t ask don’t tell’ with you… do you even swing that way?’ asked Tony.

Bucky rolled his eyes. ‘Good thing I got an education on GLBT history the other day from Clint. I don’t know. I wouldn’t know unless I tried. I mean, obviously, Natasha means I at least like women. But fellas? I think it’d depend on the person.’

‘Really?’ purred Tony and Bucky groaned. ‘No… no, this is good! This is fine! We can work with this. I’ll name some guys and you can tell me if they turn your crank. Or not,’ added Tony. ‘Because you know, you don’t have to be attracted to every guy you know.’

‘Tony, as touched as I am by your willingness to help me out with my sexuality, I’m sure we don’t need to do this,’ protested Bucky, passing a slower car and speeding up again once they were around it.

‘No, we totally need to do this. OK, ready? Thor,’ said Tony over Bucky’s protests.

‘Fine. We’re doing this? I’m telling Sam about your refusal to respect my boundaries when we get back. Then, I’ll let him glare at you,’ threatened Bucky.

‘Oh, man… really? I mean, you’re serious? Because I don’t want Pepper yelling at me because Jarvis will totally rat me out to her. And then I’ll have both Pepper and Sam giving me looks and I’ll melt like the Wicked Witch. Pretty sure that’s what would happen,’ said Tony.

Bucky laughed. ‘As much as I’d like to see that, I’m OK with you naming people. Thor, huh? He is handsome. All those muscles and those blue eyes and his all over kingly style. He’s easy on the eyes.’

‘He is very easy on the eyes. But he’s all Jane’s and I’m not going to piss off the good Dr Foster. She’ll do something science like and turn me into something unnatural. She’s like a scientific Gandalf,’ shuddered Tony.

‘And good thing we watched those three movies with Hobbits in them or I wouldn’t know who you were talking about,’ commented Bucky, his forearm muscles flexing as he steered the Maserati down the highway.

‘So yes to Thor or no to Thor, pretending the good Dr Foster won’t turn us both into frogs or something,’ urged Tony.

‘Maybe,’ said Bucky. 

‘Fair enough. How about Clint? Blond, sure. But check out those arms of his and his wicked grin. Now, if we didn’t have to worry about Coulson tasering us and leaving us drooling, we could make a move on him,’ said Tony.

‘I take it this was something that happened to you?’ asked Bucky.

‘Once. It was so awkward. I drooled all over my expensive silk shirt. I was not happy. Then again, neither was Coulson so we’re even,’ said Tony. ‘But we’re all good now. So ignore the scary agent, er, director, and tell me what you think.’

‘It’s kind of awkward to think of Clint as hot when I think of him more as a brother,’ said Bucky.

‘No problem! I mean, you aren’t related so it’s not like it’s incest… it’s just… emotional but you guys can talk that out. Focus here, Barnes,’ ordered Tony.

Bucky made a face. ‘There’s a trend here, Stark. Everyone you’ve brought up has someone super scary as their partner. It would end so poorly in reality.’

‘You’ve got a point. Uh… Sam!’ exclaimed Tony.

‘Sam is… well, he’s something else, isn’t he?’ asked Bucky, his voice soft.

‘He isn’t too bad a guy, I have to admit. Plus, he can hold his own around me. And he likes to fly and that’s a big plus with me,’ added Tony.

Bucky snorted. ‘Sounds like you better ask him out.’

‘No… no, Pepper wouldn’t… well, maybe she would. Huh. But this isn’t about me,’ said Tony, grandly. ‘This is all about you.’

‘Where’s the music and the ticker tape parade?’ asked Bucky, his tone wry. ‘I’m honoured by your generosity, Stark.’

‘Hey, who is and who isn’t driving a very expensive car, here?’ pointed out Tony. ‘Sides, Pepper told me I should be more generous to my teammates. It would be good for me.’

‘See? Look at that. Next thing I know, I’ll be calling you ‘Santa Claus,’’ replied Bucky.

Tony leered at him. ‘Wanna come play with my chimney? Have you been a good boy? Wanna polish my lump of… coal?’

Bucky chuckled. ‘Really, Stark. That’s enough. So, Sam is pretty awesome. I could see myself asking Sam out on a date.’

Tony raised his eyebrows. ‘Score one for the Falcon!’ he exclaimed. ‘OK, how about Bruce?’

‘Bruce is my boss,’ pointed out Bucky.

‘So? Doesn’t mean you can’t think the boss is hot or anything. I mean, look at me and Pepper! Or… maybe don’t,’ muttered Tony.

Bucky huffed laughter and switched lanes again, going around an SUV that was clearly testing how slow it could go in the right lane. Tony glared at the driver who was talking on a cell phone and not paying strict attention to the road.

‘Bruce is handsome and smart and funny. He’s also a good man,’ answered Bucky, thoughtfully. ‘And he’s still very much in love with Betty. I don’t think it’s fair to him.’

‘This is very true,’ conceded Tony. ‘So even though he’s one hell of a guy, you don’t want to mess things up, there.’

‘Yeah. And… speaking of messing things up, don’t you think Steve still has feelings for Peggy? I mean, after all this time?’ asked Bucky.

Tony nodded his head. ‘I’m sure the good Captain still does have feelings for Peggy. Doesn’t mean he doesn’t also have feelings for you.’ 

‘Ah, geez.’ Bucky sighed. ‘I haven’t been to see her, yet.’

‘Peggy?’ asked Tony, gently. 

‘Yeah… Steve told me about her. He told me she has Alzheimer’s and doesn’t always remember him. I don’t know if I can handle that. I mean, to see the most fearsome, amazing woman I knew unable to remember me or what’s going on. I think my heart would break,’ confessed Bucky.

‘Steve visits her as often as he can,’ said Tony, his voice kind yet implacable.

Bucky bowed his head beneath the implication. ‘I know. I know I need to go with him. I need to see her and talk to her. I’m getting my courage up, honestly. I don’t want her to see me cry.’

‘I don’t think she’d mind,’ said Tony. ‘She’s helped Steve deal with the loss of SHIELD and has talked to him about you. She is thrilled you are safe. She is hoping you’ll see her, soon.’

Bucky groaned. ‘I’ll try. It’s going to be hard but… I think if I go with Steve, it’ll be a little easier. He knows how to talk to her when she’s having one of her bad days.’

Tony glanced at him, sharply. ‘Don’t underestimate yourself, Barnes. I think you’ll know exactly what to say as well.’

Bucky sighed. ‘You have more faith in me than I do. But thank you for that. You didn’t know her, obviously and your dad...’ Bucky trailed off, glancing uncertainly at Tony.

‘No, that’s OK. What about my dad?’ asked Tony, curious.

‘He thought Peggy was something else. I mean, she held her own. She didn’t take any crap from anyone and she was… she had a drive to her, she was one hell of a dame. It doesn’t surprise me she went onto bigger and better things. I really need to see her. I just have to be ready for it,’ said Bucky.

‘I don’t know if you can ever be ready for something like this. You just have to be there. That’s what counts,’ said Tony. 

‘I know. Just… damn. Sometimes, I think it was easier being the Winter Soldier. I just had to follow orders. Kill people. And then, I remember the innocents… I remember the children I’ve had to kill because they saw me murder their parents and… I just wish I could run away from it. I wish that I could be absolved of my sins. But I can’t. I know this,’ said Bucky quietly, the highway lights shining on his anguished face.

‘You know I have this company right? Called Stark Industries?’ reminded Tony.

‘Yeah?’ answered Bucky, cautiously.

‘Well, if you don’t know, my company made weapons. Lots of weapons. Was real good at arming people with weapons that killed and maimed. If we’re going to compare body count, then I’ve murdered many more people than you ever could in your lifetime. In both of your lifetimes,’ said Tony.

Bucky didn’t say anything. Tony let him think about what he’d said before he added. ‘I know something about absolution. When I was ambushed in Afghanistan, kidnapped, tortured, and almost died there, it was the best thing to ever happen to me. I met a man there. He was Erskine’s kindred soul friend, I believe. Yinsen saved my life. The arc reactor was just fancy dressing. Yinsen… gave me a way to redeem myself.’

‘I don’t have a Yinsen or an Erskine. Instead, I had a Zola and a HYDRA to shape me,’ pointed out Bucky.

‘But you still had you, Bucky. In the end, when it came down to it, when Steve reminded you of who you were, of what you promised him by repeating it to you… you broke free of them. You absolved yourself,’ said Tony.

Bucky drew in a shaky breath. ‘I dunno, Stark. Doesn’t seem that easy to me.’

Tony laughed. ‘Nothing worth having or fighting for is easy, Barnes. I’ve learned that through bitter, bitter experience. I’m still learning it and Pepper will be the first to tell you there’s a steep learning curve with me. I still fuck up. Seems some of my own programming is hard to fight and I’ve been known to shoot myself in my foot. Repeatedly.’

Bucky chuckled. ‘I get that,’ he said, ruefully.

‘Figured you would. So I just carry on. I try to learn my lessons. Pepper makes it easy. Rhodes makes it easy. And the team… they make it easy, too. They all get it, Barnes. They get you, too,’ reminded Tony.

Bucky signaled at the next exit and went onto the exit ramp, going over the highway and down the other ramp, heading back into Manhattan.

‘So we never did finish ‘Mother, may I,’’ reminded Tony. ‘You never gave me an answer about Steve.’

‘I don’t know,’ said Bucky, reflectively. ‘We always were just him and me against the world for the longest time. Maybe it’s just I’ve taken him for granted for so long. He’s been my best friend for so long. Maybe that’s love in its purest form. I know I couldn’t live without him in my life. That’s the bottom line right there.’

‘Maybe you guys need to talk,’ suggested Tony. ‘Get this all cleared up. Hell, you never know, you and him and Natasha could make something work. This is the modern age. We’re all up with open relationships and all that. We could spring for a bed that’s big enough to fit the three of you, super soldier bodies and all.’

Bucky rolled his eyes. ‘Better stop while you’re ahead, Stark. I haven’t even talked to Natasha about us, let alone me and Steve and you’re adding all three of us together?’

‘I ship it,’ said Tony with a grin. ‘I mean, look at the three of you. Who wouldn’t want you to all hook up?’

‘You’re a menace, Stark. An absolute menace,’ muttered Bucky, the corners of his mouth twitching up.

‘My job here is done, then. Let’s have some breakfast when we get back. Do you want to look over a couple of schematics as well? I’d like your input,’ asked Tony.

Bucky thought about it. ‘Yeah, I can do that,’ he told Tony.

‘Great. And Bucky… thanks,’ said Tony, gazing out the window.

Bucky smiled. ‘You’re welcome.’


	9. Watching You Watching Me Watching You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If someone were to simply sit and observe, someone would be entertained highly.
> 
> Steve watches Bucky watches Steve.
> 
> Natasha watches them both.
> 
> Sam watches all of them and wonders if he could get away with locking them away in a room until they figured their shit out.
> 
> He figures he'd have a day or two, tops, before Natasha caught up with him, new identity and all.
> 
> So... now what?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ugh. Monday was a no good very bad day. Tuesday wasn't much better and here it is, Wednesday.
> 
> Sorry about being late on the update... school is super busy & there's some other stuff going on and whew.
> 
> But here you go! 
> 
> There's lots of... well, not talking in this one but I think you'll like the change of pace.
> 
> Three-quarters of the way complete... and thanks so much for joining in as this story unfolds. I really appreciate your support!

Bucky spent the next couple of weeks watching Steve. Studying Steve is what he’d call it _if_ he were called on it which he wasn’t because he wasn’t a super sneaky super assassin for nothing. (Bucky tried saying that five times fast and it ended poorly. He felt like Elmer Fudd’s first cousin)

Nonetheless, Bucky watched Steve as he sat at the dining table and joked with the other Avengers. He watched Steve work out beside him. He watched Steve sit with his sketchbook and lose himself in his art. He watched Steve coordinate with Natasha and Clint, his brow drawn down low as he immersed himself in the latest plans to topple HYDRA. 

What Bucky discovered with his constant surveillance is Steve moved like a man lost. His eyes would lose their focus when nobody was looking and the shadows would creep back, shading them an impossibly dark shade of blue.

Steve was an ousted King, living in exile, knowing deep in his bones he will never see his home again. He carried this weight in the slump of his shoulders and the heavy tread when he was weary enough to forget. He would forget he was supposed to be ‘on’ all the time, forget he was supposed to be the leader. In those moments, Bucky would see the shadow of the sickly boy he used to be.

Bucky wasn’t one for drawing pictures or taking pictures. He preferred to study something until it was burnt into his memory. HYDRA discovered it had to almost burn the humanity out of him every time he needed to be wiped. They’d prefer to not take him out of the cold too often. It was always a risk every time he needed to be wiped of all his memories. He emerged from the wipe, a little more damaged than before, ready to be imprinted again.

So he watched Steve, studied the line of his body and traced the profile of his face with his eyes until he knew Steve’s face when his eyelids closed. 

Bucky thought about attraction and sexuality. He knew he loved the curve of Natasha’s hips and lips. He loved the feel of her in his arms. Her hair would twine around his fingers almost by itself and he would study the strands. Kissing Natasha was like rediscovering a hidden world. He could lose himself in skin, hair, scent, and taste. Making love to Natasha was a homecoming he never knew he needed. 

But Steve. He thought of being held in Steve’s arms, of Steve’s lips moving over his body with the same passion his did Natasha’s and he wasn’t sure. He wasn’t sure if that would elicit the same response. He wanted… he wasn’t sure he wanted sex with Steve. He wanted the camaraderie, he wanted the closeness he once had. He wasn’t sure what that was called, if there was a name to it but he wanted to feel a bit like the Bucky Barnes felt in the old movie they showed at the Smithsonian. He wanted to feel the heat of Steve’s body next to him and wanted to see the shadows retreat from his eyes when they looked at Bucky. 

Bucky needed some more time. He wanted to think some more and sort it all out. Methodical. Orderly. Just like when he was on a mission. This shouldn’t be too difficult. He ignored the part of his brain that was telling him he was fooling himself.

**

Anyone could have told Bucky he had some fatal flaws in his thinking. For one, Steve wasn’t Captain America for nothing. He was well aware of Bucky’s observation. He wasn’t sure what was going on but he wasn’t going to spook Bucky. He remembered the Bucky of old and this new Bucky startled him. He wasn’t as impetuous. He was much more refined and the way he worked reminded Steve of a clockwork object. Tiny gears and tiny pieces that moved in an orderly fashion without any apparent haste or waste. 

Steve wondered what Bucky was seeing when he was tracing Steve’s profile with his gaze, wondering if he was noticing the slant of Steve’s cheekbones or how his eyelashes fanned out over his cheeks. These were the sorts of things Steve noticed when he looked at Bucky. But he was an artist, he had an artist’s eye so he didn’t want to assume Bucky looked at him the same way.

Steve thought about Bucky more than he should. He thought about his body and his strong hands (the metal and the human both). He thought about kissing Bucky’s mouth until it was red and wet and swollen. He thought about touching Bucky until Bucky leaned into him, until he allowed his muscles to relax. Steve thought about this too much, bringing about a slight flush to his cheeks and more than a slight bulge in his pants.

Bucky was losing more of the feral child look and regaining a more measured, flat appraisal that was suited to cobras and crocodiles. Bucky’s eyes still had their sniper reflexes so it was harder for Steve to study Bucky when Bucky thought he was being discreet. Bucky’s slight head tilt speaks volumes when they exercise together. 

Steve had figured out Bucky and Natasha had moved on beyond cuddling on the couch. He’d seen them, once, when they obviously didn’t think anyone was around at the moment. Steve had stared at the long, creamy line of Natasha’s throat. Her head had been thrown back, her long dark red hair brushing against Bucky’s metal arm. Bucky had discarded his shirt and the muscles in his back moved as he worked on taking off Natasha’s as well. 

Steve had backed away, out of their sightlines, and retreated into the common area, his mind ablaze with the images he saw and the ones he imagined. A part of him longed to paint them both. He wanted to draw the brutal economy of Bucky’s body and the delicate yet still strong line of Natasha’s throat. He wanted them to curl around each other on a bed, sheets draped over them, gazing at him with the imperiousness of lions. He could imagine Natasha’s red hair a counterpoint to the stark white sheets wrapped around her waist.

Steve told himself he would be all right with being Bucky’s friend. He reminded himself he’d regained so much that he thought he’d lost forever. Ice, a mountain, and a plane into cold seas had taken away the people he’d loved the most. It had taken him away from the people who had loved him. He couldn’t bear the thought of Peggy mourning him all these years. She had gone on with her life but he knew she waited for that dance. He knew she had music playing in her memories when the grief overwhelmed her.

Steve’s therapist was very good. His therapist talked to Steve about loss and grief and anger. Steve sometimes cried, sometimes yelled, sometimes sat there with his arms wrapped tight around him. His therapist was the safe port in these storms. Steve had learned there was a spectrum of sexuality and gender but he had been somewhat unprepared to meet his first nonbinary person. He stumbled over the pronouns and apologized for his awkward attempts. His therapist didn’t mind; zie smiled when Steve was able to say zir’s pronouns without a pause. Zie had dark hair, dark eyes, and a smile that lit the darkest days.

Steve talks to his therapist about sexual desire and intimacy and sex. They untangle the words slowly, carefully, deliberately. Steve begins to feel as though he’s finally getting it. His feelings for Bucky, Sam, and Natasha. He is able to identify what he feels when he sees Sam in the morning, a crisp white t shirt on and toothbrush in hand. He feels a pang in his chest when he sees Bucky sprawled out in his bed, his breathing soft and even. He takes a deep breath when Natasha rushes at him during sparring, her eyes lit with pleasure. 

Steve immerses himself in feeling and emotions and sensation; it replaces the cold in his bones. He grieves for the time lost and the friends who died while he was under ice. He allows himself to rail at the unfairness of the disease that is slowly stealing the mind of the sharpest woman he knows. He bows his head and trembles when the weariness inside becomes too much. He drinks tea, knits baby blankets, and learns how to rebuild himself all over again.

Steve wonders if he and Bucky will ever escape the theme of ice and loss. He wonders if there ever is a place in the sun for someone like him. He has lost his home and his way so very long ago. He’s slowly finding his footing again. Steve doesn’t want to jinx anything but he thinks he can feel the sun burning the fog away.

**

Natasha has had her moments of feeling like prey. She’d much prefer to be predator, always in control, always the one stalking with care and precision. She’d never been one for underestimating others, either. She’d been dead a thousand times over if that had been the case.

Steve Rogers threw her for a loop. She should have _known_ there was more to him than his simple boy from Brooklyn persona. He was too much of a strategist, had too many layers to him. Natasha often thought he was old before his time, even before his trip into the cold sea. She knew his pre-serum life was a death sentence, slowly ticking out. His heart would have probably given out in his thirties, forties at the most. His various ailments would keep him weakened and his body would not be able to handle it. He’d have died and Bucky would have died along with him. His heart, at the very least, would have been buried along with Steve. 

Was it better that Steve became the super soldier? Was it better he’d survived an early death not once but twice? Natasha wasn’t sure it was a blessing, after all. She’d read enough faerie tales to know how the endings really turned out. 

But here she was, feeling Steve’s eyes on her and then on Bucky and then over to Sam and back to her. She could feel him analyzing, thinking, calculating, and it made her muscles tighten, ready to react. 

Steve wasn’t the enemy, she knew, but all’s fair in love and war and she was very aware there was a battle being fought without words. 

Natasha remembered Bucky as her teacher, her mentor, and her lover. The unfortunate side track of him being her almost assassin just added to the tangled timeline of Bucky and Natasha, Yasha and Natalia, Winter Soldier and Black Widow. 

Natasha didn’t hold it against Bucky for almost killing her; she’d seen what was left of him after they took him away from her. She had shed the memories of her own ‘discipline’ and refused to open that door again. They’d both paid for their disobedience to their masters. Natasha sealed off her heart and any escape routes back to it. Bucky had his taken away from him. It was more than thorough enough. 

Now, she had the luxury of relearning him all over again. Bucky as a stitched together of past and present. Bucky as Frankenstein’s monster whose jolts of electricity unmade him even as it brought him back to life. Natasha carefully maps her way around him, aware of his fragility and weaknesses. The Natasha of old skirts around the Bucky of now with remembered caution. She doubts she will ever lose that wariness of what she remembers of him. 

Still. Natasha sits in the corner, watching Steve watch Bucky watch Steve back and she sighs very quietly. As fascinating as this is for her to observe, Natasha wishes one of them would get to the center of things. She watches them dance around each other and represses the urge to push them together. 

She knows Steve has been in love with Bucky for a very long time. Probably since they were kids back in Brooklyn. If his eyes wouldn’t have given him away, then the line of his body would have been the dead give away. 

Steve leans towards Bucky, his body unconsciously yearns to be within what most would call an intimate distance. Steve sits hip to hip beside Bucky on the couch, puts an arm around his shoulder, and touches him fleetingly during conversations. Natasha knows Steve is a facile person; she’s been touched by him during conversations as well. It’s just that… rather than the casual camaraderie of friends, it’s like the touch of a lover. Natasha notices how Steve’s hands linger on Bucky’s arm or thigh, how he wets his lips and gazes at Bucky’s mouth. 

Natasha knows Bucky’s trying to figure out if he finds Steve sexually attractive. The nuances of sexuality have puzzled many people, not just out of time super soldiers and so Natasha is patient with Bucky’s questions. She is glad she can slip on a bland face when beneath the surface, her eyebrows want to twitch as well as her mouth. She escapes from breaking out into gales of laughter only by the thought she’d hate to be in Bucky’s shoes. 

So she learns a few things as well when she and Bucky do their research on sexuality and desire and terminology. Sexual spectrum is a lovely word, Natasha decides. She finds herself comfortably between heterosexual and bisexual. She asks Bucky where he’s at. He looks at her with dismay. 

Natasha grins as his eyes widen, he shifts about like his pants itch, and he mutters beneath his breath. Busted. 

** 

Sam watches all of them with bemusement and the longing to lock them all in a room together with only the bare minimum of clothing, a large bottle of lube, some condoms, and an escape plan along with a new identity for himself. 

Not that he’d get very far. Natasha would find him in a day and there’d be words. Hopefully, only words. 

Yet, he sees Steve getting better every day; his new therapist has really been helping Steve work out some of the worst hurt deep inside. Steve smiles more easily, his eyes lose their at sea and adrift look more often, and his whole stance is more solid, more real. Sam is thrilled. 

Bucky has taken to regaining his life and wresting the control away from his old handlers with evangelical fervor. He studies and is rewarded with A’s and a sprinkling of B’s. He is seeing his own therapist once a week. He enjoys working in Bruce’s lab and his constant exposure to Bruce’s equipment has helped. He no longer fears the lab and going to a doctor is a much more pleasant experience for everyone all around. 

Natasha is torn between laughing at Steve and Bucky and throwing her hands up in the air, Sam can tell. 

Sam… Sam tucks his own wants and needs deep inside of him; he was appalled and shaken to discover he could want another man after Riley. It took a couple of sessions with the same doctor Bucky went to before Sam could shake the unneeded guilt and shame. 

Sam watches everyone in turn and contemplates his luck in life. Not that Riley was unattainable. Riley might have been a star in orbit but he was happy to orbit around Sam’s little old moon. This wasn’t quite the same thing. It was more like discovering an entire galaxy within one’s grasp. Sam didn’t know if he should start charting stars or find the nearest black hole. He could fall into it and claim ignorance. 

Sam was a wise man, at least, he thought he’d learned a lot in his years. He’d learned a measure of caution and patience although his first impulse was to leap first and pay the consequences, later. It was something that worried Riley, Sam knew. Sam figured he already had one strike against him as a black man. He wasn’t about to skulk around the edges. He’d had his uncles who’d reminded him what courage _really_ was: he remembered stories of white hoods, torches, and shotguns in the dark hours of the night. 

Sam was playing a long game, very much aware of what was at stake. He wasn’t going to allow himself to hope or dream of a future that was still cloudy. He wasn’t a seer and he was just fine with that. He was content, for now, of being the sturdy shoulder to clasp, the voice of reason to listen to, the one to go to when emotions were flying high in the wind. 

Sam knows something about wind patterns and how to go about working with it instead of being grounded by it. Sam always tests to see where the wind is blowing at any particular time. He uses his knowledge of nature, both human and sky bound, to aid him in helping his friends navigate their brave new world. 

‘Sam?’ 

Sam looks up from his book, smiles when he sees Steve, Natasha, and Bucky standing before him. 

‘Hey… what’s up?’ asked Sam, his voice encouraging even as it lilts upwards. 

‘Can we… can we talk to you? Do you have time?’ requested Steve. 

‘Sure. Let’s go take a walk. There’s a nice little cafe just down the way. You guys up for that?’ asked Sam. 

‘Yeah… that sounds good,’ said Bucky, Natasha nodding in agreement. 

‘OK. Let’s go.’ Sam rests his hand on Steve’s arm, reassuringly, before heading to the elevator, smiling at the others as they followed. 


	10. Kiss Me Once, Kiss Me Twice... It's Been a Long, Long Time...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some things get resolved for Steve, Bucky, Sam, and Natasha.
> 
> And with the knowledge of time running out, Steve takes Bucky to visit Peggy before it's too late.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things have been odd on my end so I apologize for the huge delay in updating this fic!
> 
> This chapter is one of my favourite ones and I hope will be yours, too, once you read it.
> 
> Thank you so much for the kudos, comments, bookmarks, and subscriptions... ya'll been a ray of light during these dark days.
> 
> xoxo

A week had passed since Sam, Steve, Bucky, and Natasha went to the diner and sat and talked. They talked for four hours, each of them taking turns and laying their cards on the table. Sam did more listening than talking; that’s where his comfort level was and he wasn’t ready to show his hand, just yet.

Steve, Bucky, and Natasha were embarking on group dates. At least, that’s what Sam had suggested. They all go out and enjoy time with each other. See how they can fit as a threesome. See if they want to even make it work.

So far, it’s been a tentative success. Steve is the happiest Sam has ever seen him. Something has eased in Bucky as well. And Natasha is smiling more, enjoying her time with both men. 

Sam is busy running the new support group at the local VA and spending time with his family up in Harlem. He tests out the new wings Tony made for him; they are glorious and his love affair with the sky only deepens.

Steve, with the finely tuned senses of a master strategist, knows it’s time for Bucky to see Peggy before time runs out.

**

‘Steve… I… I don’t know if I can do this,’ whispers Bucky, his face pale and his eyes filled with grief and fear.

‘You _can_ ,’ reassured Steve. He put a gentle hand between Bucky’s shoulderblades. ‘I’ll be with you. It’s going to be OK.’

Bucky rolled his eyes but took a deep breath, squaring up his shoulders and straightening his spine. ‘All right. Let’s… let’s go,’ he said. ‘Quick, before I lose my nerve.’

Steve rubs his back reassuringly before walking into the building where Peggy has lived ever since her mind betrayed her. Sharon told him Peggy had made the decision, herself. She’d chosen the place that would eventually become her permanent home. She’d not wanted to burden her family with deciding what to do when her own mind was adrift and could not have a say in these hard decisions. 

Steve hoped Peggy would be lucid when they came in; she knew they were coming for a visit and she was anxious to see them. Her lucidity came and went, though, a turning of the tide that had no set rhythm. 

‘Peggy?’ asked Steve, knocking on her door. 

‘Come in!’ called Peggy and the sound of her voice made Bucky stiffen, his hand clenched around Steve’s, trembling.

Steve squeezed Bucky’s hand and gently tugged him in, smiling at Peggy. ‘Hi, Peggy. Look who I’ve brought to see you.’

Peggy had put on bright red lipstick, her hair had been styled like she wore it in the camp, and her eyes were bright and sparkling. For a moment, the men could see the Peggy they once knew in the face of this Peggy who greeted them without a tremble in her voice.

‘Bucky Barnes! You sure took your time getting back to us. Is Steve treating you well?’ asked Peggy, catching Bucky’s hand in hers as he leaned over to kiss her cheek.

‘He’s doing all right. Last week, we went grocery shopping. That was an experience,’ said Bucky, the corner of his mouth turning up.

Peggy laughed. ‘It’s a little overwhelming, isn’t it? All those choices. I never knew there were so many kinds of coffee, now. My Sharon came by the other day and she’d been grocery shopping. She showed me the flavoured coffee she bought. Flavoured. Isn’t that something?’

‘It sure is,’ Bucky agreed. He pulled up a chair and sat next to her, keeping his flesh and blood hand in hers.

Peggy’s gaze unerringly turned to the metal hand that rested on his knee. ‘Can you tell me about it?’ she asked, quietly.

‘I...’ Bucky’s eyes darted over to Steve’s who nodded his head. ‘I… it’s not a pretty tale,’ he warned Peggy who snorted.

‘What part of the war was pretty, Bucky? The fighting? The killing? The food? You’re not going to tell me anything I don’t know. Steve told me what happened with SHIELD. He told me about Zola and what he did to the agency Howard and I built from the ground up. That was an awful day. I wept. I have the feeling I will cry today,’ said Peggy softly, holding Bucky’s gaze with her own.

‘I don’t have to tell you everything,’ said Bucky. ‘Just… just the bits that matter.’

‘Everything matters,’ said Peggy, reaching over to touch Bucky’s face with warm fingers. ‘Everything about you matters, Bucky. I’m so glad you’re here. I’m so sorry we lost you.’

‘It wasn’t your fault,’ said Bucky, hoarsely. He heard footsteps behind him and felt Steve’s hand on his shoulder, Steve sitting behind him and Bucky felt the tension in his body ease.

‘I’m not saying it was, young man. I am saying if we had any idea you were at the bottom of that mountain, we would have found you. We wouldn’t have abandoned you to… that,’ said Peggy, tears welling up in her eyes as she caressed Bucky’s metal hand.

‘I know you would have looked for me,’ said Bucky. ‘Peggy… I know you would have. I thought, at first, that you knew where I was and I… I waited. I thought any minute, you and Steve would come blazing through the door like avenging angels. But I realized you thought I had died. And then I knew no one was coming to save me.’

Peggy’s tears welled up and over, leaving damp trails on her cheeks. ‘Oh, Bucky. What happened?’

Bucky took a deep breath. ‘Are you sure? This might take a while and… I don’t want to hurt you.’

‘I was hurt when you were taken from us. I was hurt when I realized I’d never see you again. And Steve was… Steve was devastated. He blamed himself as well. We were hurt deep by what we thought was your death. The hurt’s been done, Bucky. To us, to you… tell us. Tell us and let us grieve with you, let us hurt with you,’ whispered Peggy. 

Bucky lowered his head and Steve rubbed his back. ‘I’m here with you, Buck. Til the end of the line, remember?’

Bucky raised his head and nodded, turning to Steve with a tremulous smile. He turned back to Peggy and raised her hand to his mouth, kissing the back of it gently. 

‘All right, then, ma’am. I’ll report this one and final time.’

Peggy nodded. ‘I’m… _we’re_ listening.’

**

Steve had heard reports, before. He’d heard soldiers report in and had listened, his mind able to detach itself emotionally and glean out all the facts. He’d listen to the numbers with half an ear and the coordinates and who was ambushed and how many and what weapons. He’d listen and make plans in his mind, sketching on paper and looking at maps. It was the reality of war and while he’d never thought of the men dying as tokens pushed around a grotesque playing board, he’d never given into anything beyond surface reactions. 

This, though.This was his best friend, the man he loved and had always loved, who reported to him and Peggy. This was the boy who defended him against bullies when they were kids and who took care of Steve when he was sick. This was the young man who shipped out to war but had a smile and a jaunty wave for Steve when he left. This was the soldier he’d found strapped in a lab, reciting his name and rank and serial number like rosary prayers. 

Bucky was true to his word. He told Peggy and Steve what he remembered after being found. He told them of his time with Zola and the scientists. He halted when he needed to regroup, when he needed to find the words. Steve had slid his chair to sit next to him, put an arm around him. Peggy hadn’t released his hand, her fierce strength sustaining him.

Bucky continued talking, telling them about missions, about being wiped, about being frozen. He talks about how, before he’d lose everything in the white noise in the icy cold, his last thoughts always were, ‘Steve… remember?’

Bucky would wake up, remembering nothing of Steve or his time as Bucky or sometimes even of his last mission. He would wake up, ready to be imprinted with new information to burn into his brain. New culture, new pop references so he’d blend in, new mission to complete to his handler’s satisfaction.

The longer he stayed out, though, the more dangerous it was. His old self would attempt to reclaim its memories. The fractures would appear in his modified memories and he could remember another time, another place. He learned to conceal the pain this would cause him. He’d learned to not let his handlers know Bucky was rising from the depths of his inner mind.

‘Natasha… she was the best part during that time. She and I… we loved each other, then. They needed us to be a couple for different missions and the longer I was out, the more I could be a person and not the Asset. I forgot to be afraid of what would happen to me if I was found out. Or maybe, I just was willing to run that risk,’ said Bucky, softly. He showed Peggy a photo of Natasha on his phone.

Steve peeked over his shoulder and smiled. The photo was taken just the other day. They’d all been out at the park. She was riding on Sam’s back, piggy back style, and laughing. Sam had a big grin on his face as well. 

Peggy smiled with delight when she saw the picture. ‘She is beautiful, Bucky. I can see why you fell in love with her.’

‘Yeah… and then, we were found out. She was punished. I was… taken away and they wiped me again. I didn’t know her when I saw her next. When I put a bullet through her to my mission. She was just in the way,’ murmured Bucky.

‘Oh… perhaps something of you remembered. You didn’t kill her,’ pointed out Peggy.

‘No… maybe… but I left and then… they froze me until… until this last mission. When they were ready to use me for the last time,’ continued Bucky.

‘What do you mean by that?’ asked Peggy. ‘Is it what I think you mean?’

Bucky smiled mirthlessly. ‘If HYDRA had succeeded, they didn’t need me, anymore. They’d be in charge. Fury was dead, Pierce and the helicarriers would have done their job. I was an antique and I was a liability. I knew too much. I was meant to die that day, after I killed Steve.’

There was silence, then. Not, Bucky thought, judgmental silence. But tactical silence as two of the finest minds he knew thought through what he said, turning it over and studying it from different angles.

Peggy sighed, first. ‘I believe you’re correct, Bucky. You were no longer needed and the new world order would run just fine without you.’

Steve shuddered against Bucky’s arm, sighing as well. ‘You would be the last mission,’ he said, softly.

Bucky nodded. ‘Yeah, that’s it. I’d go back to report and Pierce would put a bullet through me, like he did his housekeeper. That poor girl.’

‘Wait… what housekeeper?’ asked Steve.

Bucky groaned. ‘Oh, damn it. I hope they found her by now… she’d come back the night I reported to Pierce… she’d left her phone and Pierce shot her, left her lying there. I hate the taste of milk, now,’ he added, darkly.

Steve and Peggy exchanged looks. ‘I… I’m sure they have by now,’ said Peggy, sadly. ‘That poor girl. Pierce was a monster.’

‘I’m not going to disagree,’ said Bucky, the curl of a sardonic smile on his face. ‘I wish I’d been the one to pull the trigger.’

‘So now what are you doing?’ asked Peggy, neatly pulling them to the present. ‘I’ve heard you are taking classes and helping Dr Banner in the lab.’

Bucky rolls his eyes at Steve who merely grins at him, the punk. ‘Yeah. Classes. Got two A’s and a B last semester. I’m earning an Associate in Science degree and am looking at some engineering classes at some universities up in New York. I help Bruce in the lab, make sure he has all his stuff. It’s nice.’

‘That sounds nice,’ agreed Peggy. She glanced over at Steve. ‘And are you taking better care of yourself, now that your best friend is back?’

Steve shrugs helplessly and Bucky grins. Despite all his time away, despite Steve’s time away, some things never change. One of them is Steve’s chagrin when Peggy had her dander up.

‘I’m working on it, Peggy. Sam has finally convinced me I’m being a poor leader by not taking care of past business,’ answered Steve.

‘Oh! Sam! How is he?’ asked Peggy, delightedly.

‘He’s doing well. He’s busy at the VA with his support group. His family is just up the way in Harlem so he sees them on a regular basis. He’s showing us up with his knitting skills. Tony made him some new wings that some mook broke,’ teased Steve, nudging Bucky.

Bucky made an annoyed noise. ‘Knock it right off, Rogers. I can take you, you know.’

Steve snorted. ‘Which part of that wasn’t truth?’ 

‘Aw, Stevie. Stop.’

Peggy’s giggle had them both turning their heads and smiling at her. ‘You two. It’s good to hear you so light hearted. I never thought I’d get that back. Never.’

Bucky gently caressed Peggy’s fingers. ‘I’m glad you have it back, Peggy.’

‘Me, too,’ added Steve. ‘Even if Buck is a punk for breaking Sam’s wings and almost breaking Sam.’

‘In my defense,’ said Bucky with terrible dignity, ‘I wasn’t exactly myself at the time. As you know. I wouldn’t hurt Sam now in all the world. Well, except on the Wii. It’s fun to make him cry when we play on the Wii.’

Steve snorts and turns, smiling to Peggy. ‘See? Things are settling down, Peggy. And we can visit you more often, now.’

‘That would be splendid,’ said Peggy, a smile on her face as well. ‘Next time, you will have to bring Sam and Natasha. I would like to see them.’

‘I think we can manage that, Peggy,’ said Steve. He stood up, then. ‘I think, though, we’ve spent enough time, here. I think we’ll come back another day.’

Bucky rose as well and Peggy clutched at his hands. ‘Where have you been? Don’t you know Steve has missed you so?’

Bucky froze and looked at Steve for guidance. He saw the look of pain flash over Steve’s face and then the smile he managed for Peggy’s sake.

‘Peggy… it’s OK. Bucky came back as soon as he could.’

‘And you! You came back as well! You’re alive and Bucky’s alive, too,’ cried Peggy, her eyes darting between the two of them.

‘We are. We wouldn’t miss spending time with you for the world, Peggy,’ said Steve, gently. ‘We’ll come back again. We’ll see you as soon as we can.’

‘Oh, don’t leave just yet… I couldn’t bear to lose you again so soon… not when you went away from me...’ Peggy’s voice faded as her eyes fluttered shut.

‘We can stay a little longer, Peggy. We’ll come see you again. Why don’t you take a nap? We wore you out,’ said Steve, his voice apologetic. He takes Peggy’s hands from Bucky’s and smooths the soft skin over her knuckles with his own. She sighs happily and he sits on the edge of the bed.

‘Next time, we’ll bring some friends. They’ve been wanting to see you,’ said Steve, smiling at Peggy. He ran a gentle hand over her head, smoothing the elegant roll, and brushing against her cheek.

‘If you bring Morita and Dum Dum here, they’d better mind their manners! Goodness knows, those two were full of mischief,’ murmured Peggy, her eyes closed.

‘We’ll make sure they behave, right, Bucky?’ asked Steve.

Bucky swallowed, hard. ‘Right! They won’t get away with nothing,’ he said, his voice only breaking a little. He took a deep breath. ‘We’ll see you soon, Peggy. It was good to see you, today.’

Steve nodded his approval. ‘Rest, Peggy. We’ll be back, soon.’

Peggy was fast asleep, clinging to Steve’s hands. Steve gently eased his hands away and tucked the blanket around her more securely. He leaned over and kissed her forehead.

‘C’mon, Buck… we’ll be back,’ he said, seeing the wetness in Bucky’s eyes.

Bucky nodded. ‘Wait a minute, Steve...’ he asked and Steve paused, watched as Bucky kissed Peggy on the cheek and gently touched her hands.

‘You’re still one hell of a dame, Peggy. You’re not going to have to worry about us leaving you… we have to worry about you leaving us too soon,’ he murmured.

He looked at Steve who attempted a smile but was more of a grimace. They left the room, Bucky looking back wistfully once, his heart contracting _hard_ at Peggy’s pale face, her lipstick a beacon of colour.

**

Steve was silent as they walked back to the car. He unlocked the doors, got in, and started up the engine without a word. Bucky got into the passenger side and put his seatbelt on, stretching his legs out.

After ten minutes of silence, once they were back on the road and headed towards New York, Bucky glanced over at Steve.

‘You OK?’ he asked.

Steve glanced at him, ruefully. ‘I should be asking you, that. You talked a lot. Thank you. Peggy has been… beside herself once she learned you were still alive and you were living with us. She was hoping you’d be willing to see her.’

‘Why wouldn’t I? That woman there is what every woman should be like. I wouldn’t have refused, Steve. I just… is that what Alzheimer’s does? Is that how it works?’ asked Bucky.

‘Yeah. It’s a bastard. It’s hard to see but it’s even harder to be the person who lives with Alzheimer’s. When Peggy was aware she was fighting against this, it was difficult to be around. She would get so angry and then so determined she’d not lose control. She set everything up, made sure she was in a place she approved of so when the time came, she could settle in and not burden her family. Sharon told this to me one time,’ said Steve.

‘Ah. Does she know, now? That she slips?’ asked Bucky.

‘Not really. It’s progressed enough that she just… she slips in and out of the stream, as I call it. I don’t argue with her, I don’t try to bring her back… it would only confuse her, make her more agitated. It’s good she knows me, still. I don’t know what I’m going to do when the day comes and she doesn’t know who I am,’ said Steve, calmly enough.

Bucky glanced down to where Steve was gripping the stick shift so tightly, his hand was mottled.

‘Ease up, Stevie… let’s not… let’s not worry about that until we need to. You know Peggy is… Peggy is still Peggy, whether she remembers us or not. There’s always going to be that part of Peggy who remembers Steve Rogers, no matter what. I mean, I remembered you. Despite everything,’ said Bucky, softly. He put his hand over Steve’s, not caring for once it was his metal one.

Steve smiled at him, his eyes wet but the smile sparking feelings deep inside Bucky, making him shiver with want and desire.

‘You OK, Buck?’ asked Steve, his grip easing.

‘Yeah… I’m really OK. Thanks for pushing me, Steve. I’m glad I saw Peggy. Real glad.’

‘You’re welcome. I think she’s going to fall in love with Sam, though, fair warning,’ added Steve with a laugh.

‘Who _wouldn’t_ fall in love with Sam, though? He’s something else,’ agreed Bucky.

‘He sure is. I think it’ll be a mutual admiration society, though,’ said Steve.

‘Yeah. I’m looking forward to seeing them meet,’ said Bucky, laughing a little.

‘Me, too. Should we see when they’re free when we get back?’ asked Steve.

‘Let’s do that. Maybe we could come back down in a couple of weeks,’ suggested Bucky.

‘That’d be great. All right. We’ll see if we can sync our calendars up,’ said Steve.

‘Awww, stop it with that technology crap, Steve. You know I’m still googling words,’ muttered Bucky.

Steve laughed and put more pressure on the accelerator. ‘Should we see just how fast Stark’s car goes? Speedometer says 180.’

Bucky rolls his eyes. ‘That’s right. Use the Captain America card to get out of a speeding ticket. We get pulled over, I’m totally recording it. Gonna give it to Stark so he can post it on that YouZube.’

Steve started laughing, couldn’t stop even when Bucky smacked him in the chest. ‘Stop it, Buck! Trying to drive, here.’

Bucky blew a raspberry and bit down _hard_ on the grin as Steve lost it, laughing as he accelerated, whooping as the car blew down the highway.


	11. Things Fall Into Place (Just Like Kevin Bacon!)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Turns out it isn't that difficult to figure things out...
> 
> It just takes a pair of Chibi Hulk pajama pants, a smirking Bucky Barnes, and almost breaking Sam to put it all together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just one more chapter left!!!
> 
> Thanks so much for all of your kudos and bookmarks and comments! 
> 
> I see some of you would like some additional fic so feel free to toss prompts in the comments section.
> 
> There is definitely ONE more story after everything is wrapped up and done...
> 
> And yes, the Kevin Bacon reference was in 'The Guardians of the Galaxy' but like Loki, I do what I want. *big grin*
> 
> Additionally, if you want to read the whole story behind the Centaurs reference, do pick up 'The Silver Chair,' one of the books in the Narnia series by CS Lewis. It's one hell of a story and I have the feeling Steve and Bucky would both enjoy it. Well, we know Steve already did. :)  
> Enjoy!

Steve and Bucky brought Sam and Natasha with them on their next visit to meet Peggy. Peggy indeed fell in love with Sam and Sam with her. Natasha and Peggy had a moment where they studied each other in silence. Then each woman nodded their heads and that was that. 

Date nights continued to be a thing except for one evolution: Steve and Natasha decided not to have sex but still hang out. They were both fine with dating Bucky and talked about making it work for everyone.

Bucky was unsurprised when Steve made the first move. Steve had been a nervy kid before he’d become Captain America. So when Steve pressed his lips to Bucky’s after a late afternoon movie session, Bucky wasn’t surprised. Much.

What _did_ surprise him was the cheer from Natasha and the flash of hurt on Sam’s face before he shut it down (it was a flicker, so fast Bucky almost missed it) and cheered along with Natasha, throwing popcorn at Bucky and Steve.

‘All right you two, are you finished?’ growled Bucky, his lips tingling from the sensation of Steve’s lips covering his.

‘Do you want us to be?’ asked Natasha, her eyes twinkling.

‘Yes,’ said Bucky, succinctly.

‘Nope,’ said Steve, laughing when Bucky pushed at him ineffectually. Damn Captain America and his unpushable (whatever, it’s a word) chest.

Bruce, Clint, and Thor were sitting with them, each of them reacting in their own predictable ways, bless their hearts.

Bruce took his glasses off and vigorously rubbed them before putting them back on and grinning happily at them.

Clint snorted, signed something to Bucky which had him laugh coughing for a few minutes before signing something back to the cheeky archer. Clint laughed until he fell off the chair he’d been perched on.

Thor had simply sighed happily. ‘Tis about time you two settled your attraction towards each other. I win the bet amongst our friends as well.’

‘Wait… what bet?’ asked Bucky as Clint turned and hissed at Thor disapprovingly.

Thor blinked his blue eyes in seeming ignorance. ‘Tis not a custom to bid upon important events in Midgard? You have your sports events and other matters in which you place small bets on the outcomes. I was merely becoming acquainted with Midgardian culture.’

‘Stow it, Big and Handsome,’ sniffed Bucky. ‘You’re too smart to act so stupid. When did this bet take place?’

Clint waved frantic arms. ‘We don’t need to get into this,’ he said, hastily. ‘It would do no good and could bring about bodily harm. _My_ bodily harm to be exact.’

‘I should have known you instigated this, Barton. Hence my lack of surprise on my face,’ commented Bucky, throwing popcorn at Clint.

‘I will neither confirm or deny such rumors,’ said Clint, smugly. He yelped when Natasha threw a well aimed piece of popcorn at his face.

‘Pay up, everyone,’ demanded Thor, a grin on his face. ‘I am the winner and you owe me my due.’

Bucky and Steve chuckled as Bruce, Clint, Sam, and Natasha got out their money and handed it over to Thor.

Thor tucked it into his jeans pocket. ‘Let’s go to the hot dog vendor! We should celebrate the union of Bucky and Steve in a style befitting them.’

‘With hot dogs?’ asked Bucky.

‘Trust us, this hot dog vendor _knows_ Thor. I think he’s going to make a down payment on a house any day soon with the money Thor has spent at his cart. He treats us very well,’ said Clint, offering Natasha a hand up.

Sam had hustled to the door and was talking animately with Thor while beckoning Bruce to join them.

Steve clasped Bucky’s hand in his own. ‘Would you like to taste the best hot dogs on Midgard? Thor claims that even the Warriors Three would enjoy them.’

‘Well, sure. If Thor’s buddies would like them, I’m sure I’d like them, too,’ answered Bucky. He offered his other hand to Natasha who twined her fingers with him and leaned in to give him a kiss.

‘Wait… you three are together?’ asked Clint.

‘Uh… yeah?’ answered Bucky. ‘You don’t think I can’t handle the both of them?’ He flinched as Natasha pinched his arm. ‘Ouch! Natasha!’

‘No comment,’ said Clint, wisely. ‘But man, that’s a lot of people, there.’

‘It’s only one extra person,’ pointed out Steve, sensibly. ‘And if you talk like an adult, things can be worked out.’

Clint grumbled. ‘Well, that’s the problem then, isn’t it? This whole ‘talking like an adult’ thing.’ 

‘You and Coulson ever talk about an open relationship?’ asked Steve, curiously.

Clint stared at him. ‘Are you kidding? I mean, first of all, he’d taze me and I don’t want that. Secondly, he knows Nat and I are close. And out of _anyone_ , he’d be OK with her. But that isn’t something he wants and I’m OK with that. I’m happy with things the way they are.’

‘Just so you know, Steve and I are close, too. But not like you and Coulson. More like you and me,’ added Natasha.

‘Oh… so it’s kind of the three of you but more in a Kevin Bacon sort of way,’ clarified Clint.

‘Yeah, that’s a pretty good description,’ agreed Steve.

‘Who is this Kevin Bacon?’ asked Bucky.

‘Let’s wait until we get some hot dogs into you,’ suggested Steve. ‘Then we’ll explain it to you.’

**

Steve knocked on Sam’s bedroom door. ‘Hey… you up for going for a running session?’

‘You mean am I up for getting my ass kicked again?’ responded Sam, his voice sounding wry even through the barrier of the door.

‘I’ll slow down for you,’ offered Steve. ‘It’s my patriotic duty to watch out for my fellow weaker citizens. I’ll take it easy on you.’

‘Awww, man!’ cried Sam. 

There was a moment of silence, then some scuffling, and then Sam opened up his bedroom door.

‘Hey!’ exclaimed Steve, happily. ‘There you are!’

‘Here I am,’ agreed Sam. ‘Now that you have me out of bed, what are you planning on doing with me?’

Steve paused, looked Sam up and down, and smiled. Sam was dressed in pajama bottoms and nothing else. The pajama bottoms had little chibi Hulks all over them.

‘Where did you get those pjs?’ asked Steve, chuckling.

‘Darcy found them online. She ordered a pair for me and a pair for Bruce. I think Bucky has one, too. We all like chibi Hulk very much,’ answered Sam, looking down at his pajama pants and smiling.

‘I’ll have to ask her to get me a pair. They’re fantastic,’ said Steve, reaching out to touch the waistband.

‘Hey… what are you doing?’ asked Sam.

‘Oh… sorry. I was wondering how soft the fabric is and I… uh… wow. This is kinda awkward,’ muttered Steve, snatching his hand back.

‘Oh, go on and feel as much as you like,’ snickered Sam, grabbing Steve’s hand and placing it back on the waist of his pajama pants.

Steve’s face was bright pink. ‘Uh… it feels nice?’ he ventured, his voice cracking.

Sam raised his eyebrows. ‘Nice, huh? Like nice as in, ‘my, fabric sure is different in the future’ or nice as in, ‘Sam Wilson’s skin feels much nicer than this soft ol’ cotton’? Cos there’s a difference between the two.’

Steve shifted his hand so he could touch Sam’s skin as well as the waistband of the pajama bottoms.

‘Both? Both is good,’ answered Steve.

Sam rolled his eyes. ‘That’s enough animated movies for you, I think. Don’t think I didn’t know where that quote came from. You can trick most people but remember, I lived with you for a while. I _know_ you. Maybe not as good as Bucky but I have a pretty good idea of your smart assedness.’

Steve kept his eyebrows raised. ‘Is that even a word?’

Sam waved his arms around, careful not to dislodge Steve’s hand from his waist. ‘If it isn’t, I just made it up, OK? It is a fine fine word and it is perfect for describing you.’

Steve’s lips quirked upwards. ‘I don’t think Bucky would disagree.’

‘Bucky thinks Sam should kiss Steve and get this over with,’ interrupted a new voice.

Sam and Steve startled and both turned slightly to see Bucky watching them, hands on his hips.

‘Wait… what?’ began Steve.

‘It took me a little while to figure it out. You’re good, Sam. You’re really good. I have to give you high marks for that,’ interrupted Bucky.

‘Everyone has tells, though. Everyone has little things that give them away. How long have you been wanting to date Steve, here?’ asked Bucky, tilting his head to the side.

‘Would it bother you?’ asked Sam, going on the offensive.

Bucky shook his head. ‘Why would it? I’m dating Natasha. Steve’s dating me but he’s free to date other people as well. I’m not his keeper, just his partner. Doesn’t mean he can’t choose another.’

‘Uh… guys… a little help, here?’ asked Steve.

‘More movie quotes,’ muttered Sam. He glanced at Bucky who nodded at him encouragingly. Sam reached out, cupped the back of Steve’s head firmly, and after pausing to see if Steve would object, kissed Steve gently.

Steve, after a moment, responded, opening his mouth to Sam’s and pulling Sam to him, feeling Sam’s body react against his. 

It felt good. Sam’s head was ablaze with sensation and he tried not to think of what else he’d like to do with Steve. It wasn’t helping; his body was reacting. He cursed the thin material of the pajama bottoms and prayed for some dignity.

Steve stepped back and his eyes were wide and startled. Sam thought he looked adorable, blinking like he’d just seen something amazing. ‘I… I didn’t know you wanted this,’ murmured Steve.

Sam sighed. ‘You really are Captain Obliviousness, aren’t you? I… didn’t want to intrude and I wanted you and Bucky to figure stuff out. So I… just stepped back. That and I had to figure out my feelings, too. I didn’t want to feel as though I was betraying Riley. I know I wasn’t… I mean, logically. Just, emotionally… I mean, he was the one for me. If he was still alive, we probably would be getting married, now. Seeing as New York is all good with that.’

‘Did you… did you figure it out? I don’t want you to feel like you are doing a bad thing,’ said Steve.

‘Ok, stop. First of all, nice chibi Hulks. They look especially happy right now in certain areas,’ pointed out Bucky, snickering.

Sam rolled his eyes and crossed his arms over his chest. Damned if he was going to be embarrassed now that Bucky pointed it out to him and everybody else. Everybody being Steve who grinned in appreciation.

‘Second of all,’ continued Bucky, with that infuriating smirk, ‘Steve, Sam’s right. You’re fucking clueless. If Sam hadn’t gotten things sorted out, he wouldn’t be crushing on you. Does it look like he’s got any conflicted feelings?’

Steve frowned at Bucky. ‘I think we can handle this, Buck.’

‘Fine, fine. Just trying to help out and everything. Never mind, don’t thank me. I just do good things and don’t need the recognition or anything,’ said Bucky, grinning full out, now.

‘Thanks for everything, Buck. Are you going to go running with us or what?’ asked Steve.

‘I’ll join you. Just to keep you lovebirds apart so you can concentrate on your exercise. Can’t have you getting distracted and all,’ teased Bucky.

Sam rolled his eyes. ‘Both of you, get out. I’m going to get dressed and then I’ll join you two for the latest rendition of ‘Pity Sam Wilson Today.’ Shoo,’ he said, making shoo’ing motions with his hands.

Steve leaned forward and gave Sam one last kiss, a lingering kiss that had Sam sighing at the end.

‘Is this a by product of super soldier serum? Because that’s just unfair,’ said Sam, smiling.

‘Let’s see,’ said Bucky with a grin. He strode forward and kissed Sam on the lips, a quick peck which had Steve grinning.

‘Hmm… nope. Just Steve. Sorry, Buck,’ said Sam, winking at Steve.

‘Ah, go on, then. Get ready. I’m gonna lap you about fifty times today,’ boasted Bucky. He clapped a hand on Steve’s shoulder. ‘I’m happy for you, pal. Sam’s nice. Don’t break him.’

Steve sighed as Bucky walked out. ‘Sorry about that.’

‘You don’t think I’m not used to Bucky Sassypants by now?’ asked Sam. ‘This whole tower is full of sass. Even Jarvis has his moments, don’t you, Jarvis?’

‘If I say anything, it shall incriminate me so I shall keep my comments to myself,’ replied Jarvis.

‘See? I rest my case. I can handle all of you. Even if one of you _is_ a demi god. Now, go on. I want to get some clothes on so I can do my best to irritate Barnes on our run,’ said Sam.

Steve smiled and left, closing Sam’s bedroom door behind him. 

**

Sam laid on the grass, gasping, as Steve hovered over him, anxiety in every line of his body. Bucky was kneeling next to him, placing a hand on his chest.

‘Sam… Sam, breathe! Sam… take deep breaths,’ said Bucky, feeling Sam’s heartbeat stutter beneath his hand.

Sam gasped and glared up at Bucky. ‘What… do you… think… I’m doing… here?’ he got out.

‘Don’t talk… Bucky, don’t aggravate him. He’s doing the best he can. Let’s get some water in him,’ instructed Steve, glancing over at Bucky.

Bucky nodded. ‘Sorry, Sam. Guess I’m a little worried. I shouldn’t have challenged you to that last run. I forget sometimes you aren’t built like me.’

‘That’s supposed to be a compliment,’ added in Steve, worriedly.

Sam rolled his eyes at Bucky. ‘Captain Obvious,’ he signed.

Bucky snorted laughter.

‘Can you sit up?’ asked Bucky, a moment later, when Sam’s heart rate had slowed to a steady pace.

‘Yeah… give me a little help and I think I’ll be OK,’ said Sam.

Bucky gently helped Sam sit up and Sam leaned against Bucky’s side for a moment.

‘That wasn’t the smartest thing I’ve done,’ admitted Sam, taking a swig of water.

‘I should knock both of your heads together,’ groused Steve, running a hand through his hair.

‘Ah, Stevie, it’s OK. Sam’s tougher than he looks,’ said Bucky, proudly. He patted Sam on the shoulder; Sam staggered for a moment before bracing himself by putting an arm around Bucky’s waist.

‘Yeah. I’m tougher than I look,’ repeated Sam, wincing slightly.

Steve shook his head. ‘I hope you both learned your lesson. Wind sprints between you two is unnecessary and could lead to serious harm. If you really needed to do that, Buck, you coulda asked me or Thor.’

Bucky’s face lit up. ‘You think Thor would do it?’

‘I know he would. He likes doing shit like that. Remember that hotdog eating contest he coaxed us into doing the other night?’ reminded Sam.

Bucky made a face. ‘I would have won if I hadn’t eaten dinner four hours earlier,’ he grumbled.

‘Oh, boo hoo. I managed nine hot dogs before tapping out. I don’t want to hear it,’ said Sam, no sympathy in his voice whatsoever.

‘I ate twenty,’ mused Steve with more than a ‘how the fuck did I do that?’ tone to his voice.

‘Clint ate twenty five. Where the _hell_ did he put it all?’ demanded Bucky.

‘Thor won, of course. He ate thirty but Natasha ate twenty-seven so it was kinda close,’ said Sam. ‘Where did Natasha put _her_ hotdogs? She was wearing a sundress.’

‘Bruce only ate fifteen. He said he wasn’t that hungry. Fifteen hot dogs isn’t that hungry?’ asked Steve, plaintively.

‘He said the other guy could consume a lot more, if needed. He told me that after he’s… the other guy, he’s _starving_. It must be the combination of his changing over and the other guy’s metabolism. At least, that’s what Bruce thinks. He’s not one hundred percent sure on that,’ added Bucky.

‘That’s fascinating,’ said Sam. ‘Could you imagine having to eat to fuel two people all the time?’

‘That’d be a lot of food. Kind of like being a centaur,’ mused Steve.

‘A what?’ asked Sam.

‘You know. A centaur. Like, in the Narnia books. They talked about how the Centaurs had human stomachs and horse stomachs. Both needed to be fed. It was ‘serious business inviting a centaur over for breakfast,’’ quoted Steve.

Sam stared at him. ‘Where did this conversation just go?’ he wondered.

‘All over the damn place,’ muttered Bucky. ‘If anyone was listening in on us, they’d have lost the meaning a while ago. Hell, _I’m_ participating and I’m getting confused.’

Steve laughed. ‘How you feeling, Sam? Better? Can you manage to get back to the tower?’

Sam snorted. ‘I think I’ll be just fine but if you two want to earn your merit badges, you can help this poor non serum body back. Or even better, we could go get some breakfast.’

Steve nodded. ‘That sounds pretty good. I’d be down for breakfast. For human stomachs,’ he added with a grin.

Bucky groaned. ‘Steve. Stoooop,’ he pleaded.

Sam leaned over and kissed Steve, just a quick kiss that had Steve wanting more. ‘No, go on, Steve. He _owes_ me.’


	12. Endings & New Beginnings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time moves on.
> 
> Bucky completes some important goals.
> 
> A celebration is in order...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...aaand we're done!
> 
> This was such a blast to write and thank you for reading each chapter and enjoying this fic.
> 
> I've got one story waiting and another on the way... cos writing in this world is too much fun.

‘Do you know it’s been a year since we’ve moved into the tower?’ asked Bucky.

Steve glanced up from where he was, his head on Bucky’s thighs and his feet resting on Sam’s thighs. It was a synchronicity that pleased him.

‘Has it already been a year? Time flies by when you’re not out killing people, eh, Buck?’ joked Steve.

‘Or having your mind wiped. Or put into deep freeze like Han Solo,’ replied Bucky, dryly. He was at the point where he could joke about what he used to do and what happened to him. He explained that joking about it meant he could distance himself further from the person he’d been shaped to be and the person he was shaping by his own hard work.

‘Is this a hint to re-watch ‘Empire Strikes Back’?’ asked Sam, flipping the page of the book he was reading and glancing over at the two of them.

‘It’d be kind of fun. I like that one, best,’ said Bucky. 

‘That’s because it’s the best one of them all, the original ‘Star Wars’ notwithstanding,’ commented Steve.

‘I agree,’ said Bucky. ‘Maybe we could watch it tonight. Make a celebration of it or something.’

‘What are we celebrating?’ asked Tony as he entered the living room, Pepper walking behind him.

‘We’ve been here a year at the tower. Figured we could watch ‘Empire Strikes Back’ and order take out or something,’ suggested Bucky.

Tony nodded his head. ‘That sounds doable. What kind of take out?’

‘Who mentioned food?’ asked Clint as he came into the room, followed by Thor.

‘Of course, this is when you enter the conversation,’ said Bucky, signing to Clint as he spoke.

Clint gave the universal symbol for ‘fuck you’, both middle fingers waving around.

‘What kind would you like?’ asked Tony. ‘We could order in Thai or Korean or Indian food...’

‘I would like Korean food,’ voted Thor. ‘They make very good meat dishes.’

‘This is true. Also, it’s been a while since we’ve ordered from that one restaurant. It was really good,’ said Steve.

‘Fine. Why don’t we order a little of everything and run some movies tonight. Anything else?’ asked Tony.

‘I think that’s enough. We don’t need a big blow out like you’re used to,’ said Sam.

‘Oh, ugh. No, thank you. I’m just fine not having to dress up and walk around half drunk to avoid people,’ muttered Tony.

‘Same here,’ added Pepper. ‘A night in sounds wonderful. We can take a break from everything. And I do mean _everything_ , Tony.’

‘Ah, shoot. You know I do my best work when I’m watching a movie,’ protested Tony.

‘Is that what you call it, Stark? Because you talking back to the movie screen and complaining about the technology in the story isn’t my idea of watching a movie,’ said Clint.

‘Stuff it, Barton,’ said Tony with a grin. ‘Jarvis, you’ll order a little of everything from that Korean restaurant we liked, OK? And cue up ‘Empire’ as well as a couple other good movies like that.’

‘I’d be pleased to do so, Sir. Happy one year at the tower,’ congratulated Jarvis.

‘Thanks, Jarvis,’ said Sam. ‘It’s been pretty awesome.’

‘It’s been swell,’ agreed Steve.

‘Not too bad,’ drawled Bucky. ‘Could you order me some bimbim bap, Jarvis?’

‘I’d be happy to,’ answered Jarvis.

‘You’re the very best, Jarvis,’ pronounced Bucky. ‘Thank you!’

‘You’re welcome,’ said Jarvis. ‘Dinner will be at 6.’

‘See you at six,’ said Tony. ‘I’m going to get down to the workshop. Bring your appetite!’ 

Pepper smiled at everyone. ‘I’ll see you later. I’ve got to take care of some things but I’ll be back in the evening.’

‘How’s school going?’ asked Clint, sitting in the chair next to Bucky.

‘It’s all right. I have another year before graduating with my Associate’s in Science and then I can go onto college. You ever thought about it?’ asked Bucky.

Clint shrugged. ‘Nah. College is for smart kids and those with money and I never was told I had smarts or money. I’m doing fine as it is. Until SHIELD went under, I had a pretty good career. Now I’m freelancing for Tony and doing some work on the side for Coulson. I’m doing pretty good for a circus bum.’

‘I’ve seen you shoot those arrows of yours. You’re much more than a “circus bum”,’ retorted Bucky, making quotation marks with his fingers.

Clint smiled, pleased. ‘College isn’t for me. At least, not now. I have plenty to do and I’m earning money doing it. It’s all good.’

‘Leave him be, Buck. Clint’s got it. I’d love to see him tackle chemistry, though. Give Tony a run for the money,’ chuckled Steve.

Bucky grinned. ‘We’d need a new lab.’

‘Hey! I’d only... wrinkle it or something,’ protested Clint.

Sam snorted. ‘No, I agree with Bucky. We’d hear, ‘aw, chemicals, no’ and have to rescue you or Tony or both.’

Clint shrugged. ‘Possibly. See? I’m saving you from all that excitement.’

‘Good try, Barton,’ signed Bucky as he spoke. ‘You’re not half as dumb as you’re making out, here. If you choose to go to school, you’ll do just fine.’

Clint signed ‘thank you’ to Bucky and grinned. ‘So, who’s going to eat the most bulgogi tonight?’

‘Thor,’ everyone said while Thor beamed happily.

‘Tis true, my friends, that I have a hearty appetite for this dish. The Warriors Three would enjoy its flavour as well. Perhaps if we can stabilize the bridge, Heimdall would allow them to come for a visit. You would like them very much. You’d have new sparring partners,’ enthused Thor.

Bucky raised his eyebrows. ‘It’d be a little bit of a challenge, then. It gets old lapping Sam when we’re running.’

‘Oh, now, watch it. Those are fighting words,’ said Sam with a grin. ‘You want to challenge Thor to wind sprints again?’ 

He watched with glee as Bucky’s face settled into a grumpy expression. ‘He’s supposed to be the god of Thunder, not the god of Wind,’ muttered Bucky.

‘It’s good for you. Builds humility and empathy for us poor non serum humans,’ said Sam, cheerfully. 

Bucky blew raspberries at Sam who laughed.

‘Where is the fair Natasha and Dr Banner?’ asked Thor.

‘Natasha will join us for supper,’ answered Steve. ‘She texted me back when I texted to her, asking her about supper. Dr Banner is in the lab. I think he’s trying to tie up some loose ends.’

Thor nodded. ‘He’s been very busy, helping Dr Foster out and working on something with Tony. I’ve been bringing him food.’

‘So have I,’ said Bucky. ‘He needs to eat and he forgets when he’s working on something important. I don’t know who is worse with not taking care of themselves, him or Tony.’

‘Tony,’ replied Steve, firmly. ‘Dr Banner doesn’t drink when he’s working on delicate projects. Nor does he have to have Jarvis shut things down when he’s pushed himself beyond any human limits.’

‘Looks like he’s going to watch himself today, then. He’ll be back up from the workshop,’ commented Bucky.

Thor and Clint exchanged glances.

‘Who wants to bet Pepper is the one who brings him up here because he lost track of time?’ asked Clint.

Sam raised his hands. ‘I’m not taking a sucker’s bet,’ he announced, shaking his head.

‘Aw, no, Sam,’ said Clint, mournfully, seeing Steve and Bucky nod their heads in agreement. 

**

When Bucky graduated from the community college, he knew Sam, Steve, Bruce, and Natasha would be there to see him receive his diploma. He was not counting on there being a god of Thunder, his three companions, Tony Stark, Pepper Potts, Clint, Coulson, Dr Foster, and Darcy sitting there, making as much noise as possible.

Thor alone almost raised the roof off the building with his approval; Bucky was afraid the entire roof would peel back from Thor’s enthusiasm.

‘Tis a marvelous day to celebrate your achievements!’ exclaimed Thor, grabbing hold of Bucky and smashing him against his chest in an exuberant hug.

Bucky struggled for a moment, then gave in to the inevitable. He knew he’d be rescued, eventually.

‘Thor… careful… he may be a very strong man but you still are stronger,’ pointed out Sif, smiling as she patted Thor’s arm.

‘Of course! Here,’ said Thor and shoved Bucky into Steve’s arms.

Bucky rolled his eyes when Steve hugged him. ‘I’m so proud of you, Buck! A college man!’

‘Aw, Stevie… stop,’ muttered Bucky, his cheeks pink.

‘It’s a big deal, Bucky. Never thought I’d see the day when either of us would have gone onto school and graduated,’ said Steve.

‘Yeah… wish my sister could have seen it,’ said Bucky, softly.

‘I know… Peggy sends her regards. She gave me something to give to you later,’ said Steve, resting his forehead against Bucky’s for a moment. Rebecca Barnes had died of old age five years before Bucky reclaimed his life. Bucky and Steve visited her grave on a regular basis, leaving flowers and making sure it was neat and clean.

‘That’s swell,’ said Bucky, breathing in Steve’s scent and centering himself. He gave himself a little shake and managed a small but real smile for Steve.

Steve smoothed the back of Bucky’s hair down, resting his hand on Bucky’s nape, the warmth calming Bucky. Steve knew this was one way to keep Bucky in the present, when the emotions were running high. 

Steve nodded at Bucky who nodded back. Bucky was then able to turn to the others and receive hugs from Jane Foster, Darcy, and Pepper. They all smiled at him, their eyes shining, and Bucky was still amazed he gets that. People whose faces and eyes soften when they look at him. People who want to touch him, crowd into his space, and are willing to set aside his past. 

Sam and Natasha sandwiched Bucky in between them, laughing and tousling his hair. Sam’s laugh sounds like Reveille, bright and beckoning to Bucky. Natasha’s laugh reminds him of lazy sunlit mornings, warm blankets, and soft skin. Bucky loves each of them in their own way. Sam is the brother he never had before and Natasha is a reminder of good things past and present.

Tony shook Bucky’s hand and then drew him in for a quick hug, his goatee tickling Bucky’s neck. Bucky can see a little of Howard in him but he can see all of Tony. He knew Tony’s exterior kept most people away from the inner, softer side and Bucky could appreciate that. He enjoyed going on late night drives with Tony, talking about everything and nothing in one of Tony’s sports cars.

Coulson shook Bucky’s hand and wished him congratulations, handing him a card which Bucky tucked into his pocket. He stepped back then, smiling as Clint hugged Bucky, tight.

‘Awesome! And you only blew up Bruce’s lab twice!’ exclaimed Clint, laughing.

Bucky rolled his eyes. ‘I had a little help the first time,’ he pointed out.

Clint shrugged. ‘Look, I just said that it might go boom. There was no guarantee mixing those ingredients would have made it happen.’

‘There was _every_ guarantee, dude. I believe Bruce’s last words were, ‘guys… don’t put those two together. They’re volatile’ but noooo, you just _had_ to see what happened,’ filled in Bucky to an amused Coulson.

Clint grinned. ‘I’m not taking the blame for the second one. I was no where nearby at the time.’

Bruce pushed Clint into Coulson, laughing as Clint squawked in dismay before balancing himself. Bucky hid a grin but Bruce grinned openly, his lips curved upwards with puckish satisfaction.

‘I’m proud of you,’ Bruce said, quietly, looking Bucky in the eye.

Bucky gazed back at him. He’s seen the other guy a few times, now. Seen that manifestation of Bruce’s pain and rage and sorrow. He wonders, sometimes, what would have happened if Zola had gotten something wrong. What if he was able to transform into someone who could protect himself from Zola’s tender mercies at the bottom of the mountain? What if he could have hung there on the side, green, cold but driven to climb back up and find his way back to Steve? Bucky doesn’t know. He’s fought alongside the other guy once or twice. He’s found himself the target of the other guy’s gaze, those dark eyes stripping Bucky to his core.

The other guy had simply nodded his head, touched Bucky’s metal shoulder, and gone back to business. That was enough acceptance for Bucky’s peace of mind.

‘Thank you,’ said Bucky. ‘Thank you for everything. I owe a lot of this to you.’

‘You did all the work,’ Bruce said, shaking his head. ‘I merely showed you an easier path to learning everything you did.’

‘You’re one hell of a teacher, Doctor Banner,’ insisted Bucky. ‘I hope I can still keep on learning and working as I go on with school.’

‘I was hoping you’d want to stay on,’ said Bruce, an easy smile still lingering on his lips. ‘I’d be happy to have you work part time while you earn your bachelor’s degree. And get another raise. It’s expensive going to school.’

‘Not too bad on the GI Bill. It’ll be paid for. I don’t mind being able to buy things, though. Gotta admit, that’s something a fella can get used to,’ said Bucky.

‘Then it’s a deal. Why don’t you take a week or two off? I’m going to be in Doctor Foster’s lab during that time, anyway. You can de-stress and maybe do something fun. And you have summer break. Take that time and relax. You’ll be ready for the fall semester when it rolls around,’ suggested Bruce.

‘See? That’s what I’m talking about. I can do that. I’ll be ready to get back to work in a couple of weeks, then, doc,’ agreed Bucky.

‘Good. Good. Congratulations, Bucky. You did a fine job,’ said Bruce, giving Bucky’s shoulder a reassuring squeeze.

Bucky was going to say something but Tony was making noises about going out to eat and everyone else was adding their input and Bucky and Bruce ended up exchanging amused, rueful glances with each other. There would be time enough to say whatever he wanted, later on.

Then Steve was at his side again, wrapping an arm around his waist and smiling at Clint who had taken out his phone and was yelling for everyone to get into the picture or he’d tranq their ass the next time they were out on a call.

There was some jostling, a lot of laughing, and everyone managed to squeeze in. Then Coulson calmly reached over and took the phone from Clint and shoved him over into Bucky’s arms.

Bucky wrapped his arms around the grumbling archer and flashed a large smile at Coulson who took a series of photos. Then Thor wanted one where they would not be quite so formal as he put it.

This apparently was everyone’s cue to make faces, bunny ears, and whatever else at Coulson whose lips twitched upwards in a smile as he took some more pictures.

‘Happy, Buck?’ whispered Steve when Clint got his phone back and showed everyone the photos.

‘I’m… I’m not doing too bad for a kid from Brooklyn, Stevie. Not too bad at all,’ replied Bucky, smiling at Steve and leaning in to kiss him on the lips.

There was the flash of a camera and Clint grinned at them unrepentantly. ‘There. That one’s going on Twitter.’

‘Aw, Clint, no!’ groaned Coulson as Clint rolled his eyes and touched the surface of his phone a few times.

‘Too late!’ exclaimed Clint, gleefully.

‘You are a menace,’ said Natasha, fondly. She walked over and reached up, kissing Bucky, gently.

‘I notice you didn’t take their picture,’ pointed out Steve.

‘You also know I don’t have a death wish,’ replied Clint, primly. ‘I like my intestines right where they belong, in my body.’

‘Hey, let’s get the show on the road. We have some hungry Asgardians who want to really challenge the ‘all you can eat’ buffet at our favourite buffet place down the way,’ ordered Tony.

Bucky laughed. ‘There’s your photo op, Clint. Twitter is going to love you,’ he signed as he spoke.

Clint signed back to him and Bucky shook his head and then Clint tucked his phone away.

Sam had Steve’s hand in his and was tugging gently. ‘Man, let’s get going. I want a crack at the food before Thor and his buddies get at it.’

Bucky linked his fingers with Steve’s other hand and held onto Natasha’s, refusing to feel like a school aged child playing during recess.

‘Ok, one more pic of you guys,’ wheedled Clint, fishing his phone out of his pocket and aiming it at them.

Bucky smiled and pulled Natasha closer to him, snuggling up to Steve, feeling Sam step in closer on Steve’s other side.

‘That’s… that’s a great photo,’ said Clint, his customary snark absent from his voice. He turned the phone around so they could see.

Bucky studied the picture. There was a handsome man who had a flashing grin whose arm was around a tall man with blond hair. The man's close cut afro contrasted beautifully next to the blond man whose head was tilted towards the shorter man. The blond haired man had a smile of pure happiness on his face. Next to him was a man with dark long hair who was tucked into his side, the metal arm gleaming slightly in the photo. Nestled next to him was a woman with long, curly scarlet hair, her smile mischievous and warm.

Bucky remembered studying the photo of himself at the Smithsonian, what seemed a lifetime ago. He remembered looking at the smiling images of the man he once was next to the tall blond man at his side. He remembered wondering if he’d ever smile like that again. 

There, in the photo, he can see the smile on his face. There are no shadows, no secret wells of poison or pain. His eyes are clear and sparkling and he looks like the boy he once was such a long time ago.

‘I want a copy of this,’ he requested, clearing his throat and blinking his eyes.

Clint smiled. ‘I’ll send it over to your phone. You can set it up as your wallpaper,’ he suggested.

‘That’ll be great,’ said Bucky. He dimly heard Steve, Natasha, and Sam make the same requests and heard the soft pings of their phones as Clint sent them copies of their photo.

‘Hey… Buck… you ready to go?’ asked Steve, softly. He’s smiling and Bucky can feel the happiness welling up inside Steve, spilling out in his smile and the shine of his dark blue eyes.

‘Til the end of the line, Stevie… always,’ answered Bucky. He took out his phone, changed his wallpaper to the new photo, and took Natasha and Steve’s hands again.

Walking out between his partners was the finest thing in the world.


End file.
